Under the Moon...

Where am I? Oh the Lake…yes, the lake where we’d spend our summers growing up. Oh what a lovely sunrise. Look at that view….The water as calm and smooth as oil. Reflecting the yellows and pinks of the sky that herald a new day. There are two chairs by the lake and a man is sitting in one chair. I walk tentatively to see him. He is slouching in the chair but leaning to the left side. His right leg is crossed over his left and he seems to be contemplating something as he looks towards the sunrise. Is it really him?

I walk towards him as he watches the sunrise. 

I don’t want to scare him so I’ll just quietly say, “Dad?”

He turns around with a huge smile on his face. 

“Sweetie! Come. Sit with me. Isn’t this sunset glorious? I forgot how beautiful they can be. Sunrises are always better than sunsets.”

“I always thought sunsets were better.”

“You always want to agree to disagree dear. Please sit.” He gestured to the empty white wooden chair.

His eyes follow me as I sat. The chairs have beautiful blue padded pillows that make them feel so comfortable. Between the chairs is a small table. It has a picnic basket underneath but on top it has two filled champagne glasses. 

“Here,” Dad offers me a glass. “A toast to you dear.”

I gingerly take the glass and he gently clinks his against mine. 

“I’m so proud of you and what you have done. What you have accomplished and become.” And he takes a sip. 

“I haven’t done anything special Dad. I mean thank you but...”

“Nonsense! You have faced adversity where you didn’t expect it. Betrayal to the core of your soul. Yet you held your head high. You stood your ground. You chose your battles and maintained your dignity. It takes great courage to walk away from battles. That is not easy. Many take a dark path when tested with dark nights of the soul. Here have a croissant.”

Where did that come from? I take the croissant from him and bite into it. It’s warm as if freshly baked early in the morning. “Hmmm Dad this is delicious!”

“Right? Everything tastes better now...” We sat in silence listening to the water lapping the lake shore. The calm and serenity was refreshing. Suddenly the sun was above us. 

“Lunch time!” he exclaimed. “Toasties?” Dad was offering me a plate of cheese toasties on a plate. I took one and of course it was warm and delicious. The cheese was a mix of what tasted like mozarella and havarti cheeses. They had melted into a thick cheesy mix that was divine!

“Dad what is with the carbohydrate loaded foods? They’re delicious but what is going on?”

“It’s a dream.”

“The food? Yes it’s deliciously dreamy but...”

“No Sara…” as he said my name as the sun was already setting behind us, “This is a dream.” He gestured between us with his hand showing that your interaction was not real. Surely not. I can feel him. I can see him. I can feel the seat I am sitting on. I can taste the food I am eating. I can smell the aroma of the pine trees behind us in the air.

And then it hit me. I felt as if I had been slapped when I remembered that this cannot be real.

“Oh…that’s right. You are dead.”

“But I’m not! I’m still here!” Dad passionately exclaimed.

“Dad you’ve been dead for ten years… and everything seems so real. You seem so real but your dead.”

“Sara, I’m not dead! I am still here! I want you to remember that I’m so proud of you. I love you and I’m sorry I never told you that. You’re my baby girl and always will be. But I want you to always remember that I am still here.”

Dad stared at the lake which was changing colours right before our eyes. Was this real? Could it be possible that two people, two souls, could communicate between two worlds? Could we both be seeing the colours of the lake changing? Seeing the warm light of the day and the cold light of the night meeting to form a surreal world between worlds?

“Sara. My time is running out. It takes a lot of energy for me to come and meet you here…”

“Wait! Don’t go Dad! I need to ask you something. You left us so suddenly and I just have to know. Why did you never say sorry in life? No matter what. We had arguments you never said sorry. Even if you knew you did something wrong or were in the wrong with anyone, you never apologised. Why?”

This was something I just had to know. It was bugging me as his death left me with this one question that was burning my heart. He never apologised for anything. Was he too proud? How could he leave this world, this dimension, this plane of existence without saying sorry for so many things? 

He looked at me seriously and all he said was, “Sara. I’m so sorry.”

He turned towards the lake. It was now under the light of the moon.

I was speechless. I wanted to say so much. I wanted to explain so many things. I wanted to tell him about everything that I had experienced and done since he died. Maybe he already knew. He turned back to me and reached out to touch my hand.

“Sweetie, just remember I’m still here.”

I blinked. 

And he was gone. 

I blinked. 

And then opened my eyes. I was on the white chair slumped onto the side with a pain in my neck from sleeping wrong in the chair. I could feel the warmth of his touch on my hand. 

I could hear my partner’s and our children’s laughter coming from the cabin. I better get back...it’s getting dark. As I get up from the chair. I stopped. On the table next to the table there were two glasses of champagne, a plate with two croissants and toasties. The sun was gone and the full moon was reflecting off the lake...