Why Am I Waiting?

You sit in a room waiting, the clock feeling like the ticks are killing you. You don’t have anywhere else to be, but yet you’re here sitting waiting to hear something. You know nothing will change, but you still wait, you wait there like there's still hope, is there? You wait like you haven’t given up, maybe deep down you truly didn’t. But why did you care? You could be doing a million things and you can name them off one by one. But yet you don't, you just sit and let the ticks of the clock bother you. The person waiting next to you who keeps tapping their foot, you let it get to you. You could be happily traveling or maybe even talking to someone new exploring your city or just having a conversation with loved ones. Why did you let this get to you? Was there a secret connection you have to them? Is there something else other than sympathy you feel? You lie to yourself and say you don’t know, though deep down you do. You feel selfish as you lie to yourself that you were just waiting because of sympathy. You tap your foot with the same timing as the person sitting next to you as you stare at a door. The door was like ones you’d see in a school, wood with a narrow window that let you have the littlest of glimpses into the other side. It made you laugh as you remembered the countless assignments you had due. You could care less about school currently but it took your mind off of everything. You admired the waiting room you've spent days waiting in. You kept on wondering why such a nice place was in something as somber as the place you were. You had no clue but your foot stopped tapping as you couldn't handle the pressure of keeping the timing up with the person sitting next to you. You can’t focus on one thing as your mind is racing too much. You look around and see the same people you've seen daily, the male too sad to speak, the girl too eager to sit, and the female optimistic as always. You smiled a bit as you think about the initial question yet again... why were you here? You knew deep down why you were here but was that a selfish reason? Just to answer a life long question you've carried? 5 months you've been searching for an answer but yet it hasn't come. Was it bad to ask, was it bad to hope? You sigh as your eyes redirect you to that door again. You stare at the grains of the wood in the door, the streaks of a darker color that goes up and down and up and down. You repeat that in your head, up and down up and down. Until the little glimpse of someone opening the door came. You stopped thinking and waited for the news.

An eager nurse in these blue scrubs ran over, she wore the gold necklace as she always did. It had a little heart on it and it flung around as she jolted over. “The treatment on Riley is working, she should be better, it's honestly a miracle! ” She says this while running up to you and the others waiting. She was beyond happy to report this news, and magically the mood shifted in this waiting room. Joy, who would have thought it to be possible to reach such a crowd who’d lost it for the longest time. 5 months of waiting for any glimpse of joy, and suddenly like a wish it came true. The same people you’ve been surrounded with these months suddenly changed, the man smiled for the first time in months, the girl sprung up and grew tears of joy, and the women smiled believing her optimism, even if faked, had helped them out.

A smile grows on your face. Maybe you weren't as selfish as you believed. A person, Riley, you never knew and only heard off because she goes to your school, was sick. You went to the hospital and waited to hear good news about her condition. You waited countless hours, sleepless nights, for this stranger. You never met her or got to see her in the hospital, but you constantly stopped by and asked about her. Even her family knew you in some sense, They never asked why you came daily, suggested things, and researched treatments or anything. They always just assumed you were a friend of Riley's as many of her friends stopped by. Later they'd believe you to be an angel, once Riley admitted she didn’t know you they thought you were someone god sent down to help. You had no idea if anything like that was true, but you cared about a person you never met just because you had a secret connection with her, or more you had a question about her. You believed she was a good person, nothing led to say otherwise. Her acts of kindness were endless, she worked at homeless shelters, food drives, and much much more and that's what confused you. Why would a good person get punished by the universe or god or whatever it was? A good person getting punished for no reason, it made you confused and even a bit sick to even think about. You questioned daily your existence and why the world would do such things as to hurt people who were doing great things. You never learned why the universe punishes people for stuff like this, but you're glad you had that question. Riley wouldn’t have ever gotten her treatment if you didn't have sympathy or that question. If you didn't spend those hours and nights or time researching in books and not only online, she wouldn't have found her treatment. You saved someone but yet didn’t take credit, all the credit went to your question. The question that you once believed was selfish to ask had suddenly saved a girl. You left the hospital feeling happier than you have for the longest time. You never actually met Riley, you passed once in a while in the halls but never spoke, but you did know one thing, sometimes questions with no answers are a good thing because the curiosity caused by them can do wonders.