Candlelight

I opened the door, keys still jangling in the lock. Giselle zoomed in underneath the bags I juggled in my hands. Shifting them, I flipped the light switch. Nothing.

“What? No….” I groaned. The electric bill. I had forgotten all about it. I had meant to call and make an arrangement to catch up next month. I just didn’t have the funds for this one. The extra hours I had managed to add to my schedule last week weren’t used to catch me up like I had planned. They ended up being used to replace my car battery on the heap of junk parked outside. None of the windows rolled down anymore and the tires were nearing bald. The right back brake had been squealing for about two weeks now. But it ran, from point A to point B, just not any further. 

I left the door open so the light from the lamp post outside could guide me to the kitchen. I set the groceries down on the table immediately taking the cold lunchmeat and half gallon of milk out and placing them in the freezer, hoping that would keep it until the morning. I would call then and see if I could work something out. 

“Mommy, I think my light blowed in my room.” Gisselle said as she came into the kitchen. The look of confusion on her face only made her look cuter. I smiled inside at her use of ‘blowed’ instead of 'blew’. 

“Actually, honey. That’s part of your surprise tonight. We are going to have a camping night...inside!” I said with mock excitement on my face. 

“Camping inside?” She squealed excitedly, having no idea what I meant yet but picking up on the excitement. 

“That’s right honey! Run to your room and get your blanket and pillow off your bed and meet me in the living room.”

“Allll right!” She jumped up, pumping her little fist in the air and took off to her room. 

I went to the living room carrying dining chairs. I arranged them in a circle tossing the throw pillows from the couch onto the floor between them. I grabbed my laptop and went out to the laundry area in the main hall, plugged it in and hid it behind the washer. I would come out in a bit and plug my phone in the same spot. 

Back inside Giselle had placed her pillow and blankie on the floor with the throw pillows and was struggling to place her blanket from her bed over the chairs. 

“I’ve got this, baby. You run and get our favorite stuffed animal and they can camp with us.” And she was off on a run again.

Using some of my large hair clips from the bathroom I secured the blanket onto the chairs. Our tent was ready. 

I went to the kitchen and got a lighter out of the box on top of the fridge and my emergency candles out of the pantry. I grabbed all the making for s’mores along with the hotdogs and kabob sticks. I set the candles up on the dining table on a plate to protect from dripping wax. 

Back in the living room, I found Giselle snuggled under her blanket covered in about twenty five stuffed animals. She beamed a smile at me. She was so stinking cute that my heart almost melted right there in my chest.

I quickly ducked into the kitchen as tears started to fall from my eyes. She was so young and innocent. She had no idea that I had had to sneak and collect toys from her toy box that I felt she wouldn’t miss and sell them at the kids consignment shop before picking her up from daycare tonight. And I would probably have to do that again in a week. 

I suddenly realized I had forgotten to check the console in the car for change. The consignment money was used to buy the hotdogs we were getting ready to eat. The change would buy her some chicken ramen for tomorrow night. Thank God she loved that stuff. I had a smidgen of broccoli left in the freezer I could add to it. 

I wished I had remembered about the light bill. I would have skipped the s'mores fixings at the store and only filled the car up halfway for now. That money would have paid at least half the bill which could have kept the lights on if the representative was in a generous mood today. 

Taking a deep breath I thought, “I do not have time to break down right now. My girl needs to have a fun night.” I definitely didn’t want her to know anything was amiss...just wanted her to have a great memory. I wiped the tears from my face and dried it on the kitchen towel. 

I walked back into the living room excitement on my face.

“Ready for some hotdogs and s’mores?” 

“Yeah!” She quickly climbed into a chair and leaned on her elbows to blow on the unlit candles like it was a birthday cake. 

“Silly girl. Ok, I’m going to light them now so make sure you stay back.” I lit the candles and handed her a hotdog. Together we roasted them and then ate them right off the stick. The s’mores came next. They were delicious but left her a sticky mess. 

“I think the next thing you need, pumpkin is a spa day. How about I run you a bubble bath with the candles lit and I’ll read you a story?”

“Ok,” she grinned up at me and ran to get her pajamas. With her tucked beneath the bubbles, a towel rolled up as a pillow behind her head and the candle sitting safely on the counter, I began to read to her. I picked our favorite book. I had read it to her so many times and even though I knew she probably knew it by heart now, she always asked me to read it. “I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always….” I began. 

Once she was toweled off and wrapped up in her snuggly pajamas, she jumped into my arms and gave me a tight hug. 

“I love you, Mommy.” 

“I love you too, baby.” She kissed my cheek and then wiggled to be put down. 

I handed her a flashlight and told her to use it “to find her way through the woods back to the tent.” I went out to the washing machine, slid my computer out from behind it and put my cell in its place. I put it on silent to hide its whereabouts from anyone passing by.

Back in the living room, Giselle had snuggled back under the tent with only two stuffed animals now. I had compromised and said the others could sleep on the couch so they would still be part of the party. I scooted under the tent too, making myself comfortable knowing I would be the one on the couch in just about an hour. I turned the computer on and as the light flooded our little tent I had Giselle switch off her flashlight.

I inserted the Scooby DVD that she had picked out. Before long she was giggling along to the antics of Shaggy and Scooby. I looked at her and smiled. She was having a blast and had no idea that I had no idea of how I was going to get the lights back on. I mentally started making lists of options that I would start checking off once I got to work in the morning. 

A fit of giggles erupted from her and before I knew it we were belly laughing together. She was having a ball and it warmed my heart. 

She was tiny, needy, codependent, and absolutely, undeniably the most adorable little human ever. It never failed, whatever happened that I was worried about, she always made it seem so much less important. She always found a way to get me laughing or to give me a hug that made everything all better. Crazy, but wasn’t that supposed to be the other way around? 

She was the best friend I could ever have.