Philip's Goodbye

Jonny met Philip at The Point, a nightclub on the upper west end for gentlemen only. Jonny was fresh out of the closet. After a drunken kiss at a frat party, he wanted to experience more of his unrepressed sexuality. He had a few guys offer him a drink, but he didn’t see them as his type. He wasn’t really sure what he was looking for, but he knew they were not it. He was nervous and a little scared, hoping someone his type would make the first move. He scanned the nightclub, looking to make eye contact with that certain someone, and give them an inviting smile that would encourage them to approach him. That’s when he saw Philip out on the dance floor. He danced like the river; he flowed but was wild and untamed. He had a youthful Brad Pitt face and a lean, toned body under his Polo oxford. His jeans were loose, not baggy. You could see he was wearing the latest style of Nike Jordan’s. His sleeves were rolled up halfway up his forearms, exposing a row of bracelets on his left wrist. His ear was pierced. His hair was short and spiked with frosted tips. To Jonny, he was beautiful. When Philip made eye contact with Jonny, he smiled and began pulling an invisible rope towards him. “Hi, I’m Philip. Do you want to buy me a drink?”

“Jonny, and I sure would. What are you having,” Jonny asked, with a giggle.

“Martini, shaken, with an olive,” Philip replied as he leaned against the bar.

Johny waved down the bartender and placed their order. Philip slammed his drink and said, “Come on, let’s dance.”

He grabbed Jonny by the arm and started to lead him to the dance floor. Jonny took a big gulp of his drink and left half of it sitting on the bar. On the dance floor, Philip made Jonny feel more comfortable than he had ever felt anywhere in his life. With Philip, he could let loose, relax and be himself. It helped that he couldn’t take his eyes off Philip. It was like no one else was around. The two danced, stopping long enough to slam martinis, and were then back on the dance floor. Between the flashing lights, and the effects of the alcohol, Philip became a God in Jonny’s eyes, and he had to have him. As the night pressed on, and the crowd thinned, Jonny and Philip were two of the few people still there when the music stopped and the lights came on. “Do you need to be anywhere,” Philip asked, with a seductive tone.

“I want to be wherever you’re going,” Jonny replied.

“Back to my place it is then,” and he slipped Jonny a kiss.

Five years later...

Jonny surprised Philip with a trip to the Bahamas for his twenty-eighth birthday. He rented them a house on the beach where they could spend a romantic week away from work and the hustle and bustle of city living. It would be just the two of them and the sand and surf.

Six months after Jonny and Philip met, Jonny moved into Philip's downtown loft. It was a century old building that was modernized. It was a large spacious one-bedroom with hard wood floors, exposed brick and ventilation, and large windows with a picturesque view of the city. Jonny fell in love with the place his first night there. Jonny was a political analyst. Philip was a financial advisor. Both tended to pull long hours during the week, and their weekends were dedicated to social obligations. They had built a wonderful life together, but the vacation was long overdue.

As they stepped out onto the back porch and looked out over the ocean, Jonny inhaled a deep breath of ocean air and said, “Isn’t this beautiful? It’s just perfect.”

“It’s gorgeous, sweetie. Thank you so much for this. It’s the greatest present anyone has ever given me.”

Jonny turned to give Philip a kiss and Philip stopped him. “My throat is soar. I don’t want you to catch anything. I won’t let it ruin our vacation though. I promise. Let’s get our bathing suits on and go for a swim.”

The two men changed and headed down to the beach hand-in-hand with their towels. Hand-in-hand, they ran into the water. Playfully, they splashed and wrestled until Philip stopped, took Jonny in his arms, and said, “I love you deeper than anyone I have ever met before,” with all sincerity.

That night, Jonny and Philip discussed the next day’s itinerary over calamari and wine as they waited for their entrees. Right after their food was served, Philip rounded the table and got on one knee. “Jonathan Andrew Bateman, since the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew there was something special about you, but I had no idea just how special you would turn out to be. You turned out to be my best friend, my lover, my entire world, my life, and I can’t imagine it without you. Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Jonny exclaimed, with much enthusiasm and tears in his eyes. He went to hug Philip and Philip took off in a mad dash for the bathroom. Confused, Jonny sat back down and smiled at the people watching. Some of them congratulated him, some of them looked on with disgust.

Jonny waited for thirty minutes for Philip to return before getting up to go check on him. He entered the restroom asking Philip if he was okay. He received no answer. He went back to the table, settled the bill, and left a generous tip.

Outside, Jonny could see Philip waiting in the car and he didn’t look comfortable. When he opened the door, he understood why. Philip didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. Jonny didn’t need to ask what happened. He didn’t want to put Philip through the humiliation of explaining. “Let’s get you back to the house and cleaned up, baby. Then we can get a good night’s sleep.”

It was a rough night as Philip’s diarrhea was accompanied by vomiting. Jonny stayed up with him. He tried to keep him hydrated and clean. Philip was up and down until four in the morning. Then he slept peacefully until eleven, waking up feeling fine. They enjoyed the rest of their vacation without another incident.

Six months later...

Jonny is vacuuming the loft when he sees Philip walk in the door, concern etched on his face. He was fidgety and nervous. He paced in the doorway. Something was obviously bothering him. Jonny shut off the vacuum and asked, “What’s wrong, babe?”

“Sit down, Jonny.”

“Why,” Jonny asked, puzzled by Philip’s demeanor.

“Just sit,” Philip said as he took a seat on the couch, wringing his hands.

Jonny took a seat next to him and gave him his full attention.

“You know how I’ve been getting sick off and on lately, ever since the Bahamas?”

“Yeah, we need to get you eating more vegetables, boost your immune system.”

“Yeah, that’s not it. I went to see the doctor today… there’s no easy way to say this… I have AIDS.”

Confused, Jonny asked, “How can you have AIDS?”

“I didn’t even know I had HIV. The symptoms never presented themselves. There was one person before you where I didn’t use a condom – one time, and it was enough.”

“I don’t believe this! You need to get a second opinion,” Jonny demanded.

“I don’t think it will come back any different. We use condoms, but you should get tested anyways.”

“Yeah, okay… Okay, yeah. But how long do you have?”

“Oh, I’ll live another eight to ten years. The doctor is starting me on Emtricitabine, Zidovudine, and Doravirine. It will help suppress the virus.”

“Eight to ten. Okay. I can’t seem to process this right now. What do we do,” Jonny asked, staring at the floor.

“Live.”

“Live? What do you mean?”

“I mean I don’t want anything to change… other than there are some things I’d like to do before I die.”

“Okay, like a bucket list. We can do that. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I’d like to learn how to ski for one. Maybe skydive, or swim with a dolphin.”

Nine years later

Jonny wheeled his husband out of the airport and helped him into their rental car. He rented the same house they stayed in almost ten years ago. Johnny carried Philip into the house and laid him on the bed. Philip looked frail, nothing but skin and bone, and his mouth was covered with sores. He could not hold himself up and wheezed when he breathed. Jonny laid down beside him.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this, baby. We were supposed to adopt a couple of children. We were supposed to grow old together and spoil the grandchildren. We were supposed to retire and see the world. What am I going to do without you?”

“Live, sweetie,” Philip wheezed. “I want you to live.”

“A whole lot of me is going to die with you, baby,” Jonny said, tears flooding his eyes.

Philip used all the strength he could muster to squeeze his husband’s hand. “It’s time,” his voice cracked.

Jonny wiped his eyes and nose then got up to lift his husband out of bed. He carried him out to the beach and laid him in the sand, resting his head on his arm, draping his other arm around him, snuggling up closely. Philip looked out over the water as they laid there silently. Then weekly he said, “Thank you for giving me such a wonderful life. I love you so much.”

And with those parting words, Philip Aaron Emerson breathed his last under the setting sun.