On water and land

We're 25,000 feet above ground as I look at the photos from the day before and a tear escapes my eyes. I stop to admire the handsome man sitting next to me whose hand is still clutching one mine even as he snoozes. I'm happier than I've been in years, but as those photos tell me, someone will always be missing. I can see my father in my mind’s eye. I can't help but think that he should've been the one to walk me down the aisle, not dear Uncle Ben. I'm positive that he would have tears in his eyes that would mirror my own.

My reveries are interrupted by the intercom. The pilot announces we're about to land as a flight attendant tells me I should wake Dan up. I whisper his name by his ear as my free hand caresses the stubble that covers the brown skin of his face. He looks at me, eyes slowing focusing before he drops a tender kiss to my lips when he comes to.

***

The view from the airplane had been fantastic, but on the ground it's even more breathtaking. After spending some lazy days sunbathing in Cancun, we go on a road trip to Belize. We stop by any and every interesting beach, park or tourist attraction on our way. We chat with the locals, learn about their lives and make new temporary friends.

I don't remember feeling that free since I used to go on boat trips with my dad. Our destinations were always uncertain and involved lots of open sea swimming and diving. It feels like going back home even if the Caribbean sun makes my skin look almost as red as my hair.

Dan jokes that I no longer look like the Little Mermaid, as my dad used to call me. He says I look like the little shrimp now and I playfully punch his toned arm as he applies sunscreen to my burnt skin. It's certainly easier to swim in Florida where the sun is a bit more forgiving. Still, considering that I haven't swum or been to a beach there in over 10 years, this is perfect.

***

We're having lunch one day when Dan excuses himself to go to the toilet. He comes back talking to a man who gives him his card. He has a broad smile on his face as he returns to our table.

“Who was that?”

“That guy was the owner of an amazing resort focused on sports and nature here. From what he’s showed me, my gym pales in comparison. They have everything there! He’s invited us over. Do you wanna check it out tomorrow?”

We drive over the next day and Carlos, the owner, shows us around. His attire is much more casual today as he isn't wearing a suit and his exposed dark skin shines under the sun. He and Dan end up spending a lot of time talking, so it is a relief that his teenage daughter, Alicia, stays with me. Our group goes horseback riding next to a river and then we Canopy walk until we reach a zipline.

I feel alive as my body glides down towards the ground. I wonder how I could keep myself so far away from nature for such a long time. It's true that all sorts of creatures swim around the corridors of the aquarium I work at, but this is different. I'm so lost in my thoughts that I almost get kicked in the backside as Alicia is gliding down.

Her black curls, that are even darker than her skin, dance in the wind until her feet hits the ground. They cover her face for a moment and she’s brushing them away when a boy screams from far away.

“Lici!” Alicia looks at the group of people the boy is in. He says something to her in what I assume is Kriol, the Belizean Creole.

Her eyes dart between me and them. “I should go. Will you be okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Dan is right over there.”

Alicia is already a few steps away when she turns around. “You know what? We’re going to take some of our guests to the Great Blue Hole tomorrow. I bet you’d love it, Becca!" She raises her voice as she continues, "I’m sure dad won’t mind talking some more to Dan, right dad?”

"Definitely not! You gotta come with us!" Carlos exclaims as he proceeds to tell us about Amberguis Caye, the island close to the Blue Hole.

“Thanks. We’ll think about it,” I tell him, but I'm sure I won't be going.

We decide to stay the night as the sun is about to set and we sit by the beach to watch it. Dan wraps an arm around me and drops a kiss to my temple as he asks me about going to Ambergris Caye.

“I don’t know…” I trail off.

“We don’t have to dive or go on the boat trip at all. We can see how it’s like there while we wait for the other tourists to come back.”

In the distance I can see Alicia and her group of friends having fun. Spending the day with her reminded me of my own girlhood. It makes me realize I'm keeping myself from doing things I used to dream of.

“Actually, we should. I can’t be held hostage by fear forever, Dan. It’s been too long since dad went missing and I can’t let go of it. He went fishing, there was a storm, his boat capsized and it is scary, but I need to go back to the sea. That’s what I love!” I confess and I feel his hands squeezing mine.

***

Ambergris Caye is just as splendid as both Carlos and Alicia had told us. Dan and I look at each other when we get to the Great Blue Hole. We reach a silent agreement, so we reply in unison when Alicia asks us if we would rather go snorkelling or diving.

Alicia warns us about the dangers of the Blue Hole and tells us not to swim too deep or too far away. Dan and I look at the fish and I point at the ones I hadn't seen in real life before. I see a barracuda and follow it from afar for a few seconds only to resurface to talk to Dan. I dive again when I don't see him and after a few attempts I rush to the boat to ask for help.

Some sailors dive with me as we look for him until Alicia grabs my hands and pulls me to the surface.

"Your tank is almost empty," she says as she points at it.

As we return to the boat she tells me we have to go back. They'll ask the coastal patrol for help, but as it's almost night they'll only conduct the searches on the following day. It will be too late by then. All I could see were reruns of the fateful day in which Uncle Ben called me during class to tell me they could not find my dad. To these days I wonder if we could have found him had I convinced the other fishermen to keep looking after the coastal patrol gave up. I was not about to make the same mistake again.

“I’m going back in. Give me another tank,” I state, but I can hear my voice breaking.

“Becca, we must go back. The sun will set soon and everyone’s lives will be in danger if we don’t make back in time. We’ll miss the airplane, too. We have nowhere to stay here.”

“I can’t leave him,” I say through the tears I can no longer hold them back. "If you want to go, just go, but I'll keep looking for Dan."

Alicia walks away from me and I hear her talking to her father in Kriol. I'm sure they have a small argument before Alicia comes back.

“Come on, we’ve got 30 minutes. Gear up,” she explains as she grabs my hands and pulls me to my feet.

We put on our masks and grab new tanks. We move straight down as quick as possible. I'm looking around as frantically as I can for any sign of Dan. I end up losing sight of Alicia until she materializes next to me while pointing at something. I notice her other hand is clutching a beautiful necklace I don't remember she had on before. She lets go of it as she starts guiding me towards the direction she had pointed at. I see the necklace has a bright blue pendant in the format of a shell attached to it.

My mind snaps out of it when I see a figure stuck to a rock a couple of minutes later. It’s Dan. Alicia and I proceed to pull him with us and we keep swimming upwards until we finally resurface.

Dan is taken to a hospital once we get to the shore. Carlos rushes to the airport with the other guests, but he arranges reservations with a friend for us and Alicia before he goes. I stop pacing and sit next to her.

I thank her for saving Dan's life as I see her toying with her necklace and decide to ask her about it.

“Oh, this? It’s nothing. Just a childhood gift from my mom,” She says as her long ebony fingers trace its length and stop at the pendant hanging from it. I feel like it’s bewitching me again until she hides the pendant underneath her blouse.

“What happened to her?”

“She comes and goes. This is the only thing she’s ever given to me.”

“I’m sorry. I know what it’s like not to have your mom with you. Mine passed when I was very young and then my father passed, too."

“I'm sure your parents are watching over you from wherever they are, though. We were really lucky to find Dan in time, Becca.”

“We were…” I clutch my coffee and tell her to go get some rest.

I pace some more after Alicia is gone until a nurse informs me that Daniel Sanchez wants to see me. She guides me to his room and I dash towards him. I was the one supposed to soothe him, but I can't stop crying.

As I calm down, Dan tells me he's seen something weird when he was underwater. He describes people in colorful clothes talking to him. I tell him it was probably the lack of oxygen that caused him to see those things, but he insists that he wants to go back there. I try to dissuade him from this idea, but as I can't I decide to go back with him against my best judgment.

***

We've been swimming for a couple of minutes when Dan suddenly stops. He points at a piece of rock that looks unlike any other and proceeds to palm it, as if he was trying to find a lock or something that would open it up. Nothing happens and I pull at his arm, desperate to get back up and leave this place that almost turned my biggest dream into my new worst nightmare. Dan is starting to follow me, visibly defeated, when Alicia motions us to stop.

I look at her in horror as she removes her mask and gets her necklace from the inside of her swimsuit. She turns it towards the rock and it jerks slightly. She pulls it aside and a tunnel appears before our eyes. Dan and I can only stare at each other.

She tells us to follow her and we surprisingly can make out her voice despite the fact that we're many feet underwater. Before I'm able to stop him, Dan follows her and I have no option but to follow them. We reach the other side and I'm appalled. It was like walking into an underwater castle. Colorful reefs and pearls adorned the walls of the caves as the light touched them.

"Luminescent algae," Alicia tells me as she sees the confusion in my face regarding the origin of that light. "It's beautiful, isn't it? Welcome home."

"Home?" I ask and the noise reverberate inside my mask.

Alicia moves towards me and started to remove my mask., but I hold tight onto it.

"Come on, take it off. You can breathe down here." I remove it reluctantly and I'm shocked to find out that I wasn't drowning. "See? You weren't called Little Mermaid for nothing."

"How do you know that? I've never…" I start to ask as she rushes towards Dan and stops him from removing his mask.

"She can breathe down here, but you can't. If you want to die you take it off!" she warns.

"Why can we stay without the masks but he can't?"

"We're… mermaids," she explains as she makes air quotes with her fingers, disdain written all over her face. "Well, not mermaids as they picture in fairy tales, but we can do pretty much everything they do. We don't lure poor fishermen to kill them, though. And actually, not having a fish tail is a plus."

I glance at Dan again and I wish I could hear what he's trying to tell me. This is madness and maybe he could talk some sense back into me.

"Are we dead? Did I lose my consciousness or am hallucinating?" I scream and manag to scare some of the fish that had been peacefully swimming nearby.

"Not at all. Come, someone is eager to see you."

As she pulls another rock, we enter what looks like a huge covered patio. Half a dozen people — if I could call them people — who were going about their business stop to look at us. Most of their mouths are agape and they seem to be just as shocked by seeing us as I am by seeing them.

Alicia keeps moving until we reach another arc. She yells and a somewhat familiar face greets us. She hugs Alicia and then stops to look at me.

“Rebecca Stewart?”

“Yes. Rebecca Sanchez now, this is Dan, my husband,” I tell her while turning to look at him. He's still by my side and holding my hand even if his eyes can't stop roaming the space around him. “Who are you?”

“I’m Hellen. I'm Lici's mom and Ben’s daughter.”

“Ben’s? As in Uncle Ben’s?!”

“Yes. Haven’t you told her anything?” Hellen asks Alicia, who shakes her head. “Well, there’s a lot of catching up to do, then.”

Hellen explains that we're merpeople. Alicia and I were first cousins once removed. Uncle Ben and his wife had met through my parents and fallen in love. Her mother had to come back to the sea because of her and Ben stayed in Cortez as he wasn't a merperson.

“I couldn’t live up there, not for long. Some of us can’t, we don’t know why.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “I met Carlos one day when he was diving here and we had little Lici,” she says nodding towards her daughter.

“Not little mom,” Alicia said irritated, but I could barely pay attention to her as all the information sunk in.

“Oh, teenagers… Anyways, I went back visit my father when my mom passed as he couldn’t come himself. Your father was taking me to open sea so that I could meet our people and swim back. He went underwater to greet them, but we were attacked as we were approaching them.”

“Attacked? By whom?”

"We don't know for sure, but there are many groups of merpeople who are against us mingling with humans. Apparently they found what allows us to breathe when we're on land and they did something to prevent us from going back. Your father lived with you and your mom there for almost 20 years. I could stay there for a month or so. Now we can't stay even for a couple of minutes."

"We? Does that mean that..." I can't bring myself to finish the sentence. I had to let him go. I couldn't create false expectations...

"Your dad is alive, yes. He's the one who found Dan here when he was out there trying to sneak a peak at you. Luckly Alicia was around."

We swim towards another arc on the other side of the cave and a man pushes the hanging beads aside.

"Dad?!" I scream and I grimace, certain that tears would be rolling down my face if we weren't underwater.

“Little mermaid!” He squeezes me in his arms.

"Why didn't you tell me? I've missed you so much!"

"I've missed you, too! I made sure Alicia kept in touch with Ben, but..."

"I mourned you, I still do! You could've let me know!"

"It was dangerous to contact you. As much as they hate those of us who live outside the sea, they keep in contact with humans. They could find you and keep you from living on land. Your entire life was in Florida..."

I step back from his embrace and glance at Dan. Him, dad and now Alicia. They were the people I cared the most about. "No, dad. My life is right here."

***

Dan and Carlos work together at the resort now while I work at a marine reserve. Alicia starts studying Oceanography and we help each other out. I explain the most complicated subjects to her and she gives me a hand at the reserve on weekends. Whenever we can, we study merpeople anatomy as we try to discover what enables us to breathe as humans and fish. Each month we head to Ambergris Caye to spend time with our underwater family. Every time we dive with Dan and Carlos we hope someday we'll be able to reunite again. On water and on land.