Resolutions for Two

“Three…two…one…and the party’s over, cue the guilt trip!”

“I don’t know why you bother writing those things. Resolutions are just promises waiting to be broken. It’s like dating a jerk except the jerk is you! Besides, if I’m going to go on a trip, it had better be to Paris, Rome, or somewhere exciting like that.”

“But it’s tradition! And anyway, everyone is going to ask me about my resolutions. I have to say something.”

“And this is why we’re in therapy. Look, tell them resolutions are for the weak of heart. People make them to feel good about themselves after the holidays are over, and by Valentine’s Day they’re sucking up chocolates like a vacuum cleaner.”

“Why are you so cynical? I mean, why do I even talk to you? Just get out of my room!” Tessa cried as she turned toward the wall. She could feel her heartbeat racing, pounding in her head. Her breath came in short, shallow gasps.

“Fine, I’ll go,” Victoria said with a flip of her hair. As she walked out she called over her shoulder, “But come Valentine’s Day, you’ll owe me a box of chocolates!”

Tessa slammed the door to her bedroom. Who does she think she is, anyway? This was my apartment before she moved in. How did that happen? She returned to her desk and pulled out a fresh sheet of paper. She began her list of New Year’s Resolutions. Number one, Find a new apartment! Tessa applied too much pressure to the pencil and the tip broke. She dug in the desk drawer for another one, all the while listening for sounds of Victoria in the living room.

Tessa couldn’t remember the details of how or when Victoria became her roommate. She had just shown up one day, taking Tessa by surprise. At first, it was nice to have someone to talk to, but as time went on, Victoria became more and more difficult to live with. She rarely paid her share of the rent. She wore Tessa’s clothes without asking. She had a bad habit of using all of Tessa’s shampoo. And, if that wasn’t enough, she loved to tell Tessa how to live her life.

Number two, Remove toxic people from my life! Tessa was people-pleaser. She couldn’t help it. Her mom said she inherited that trait from her grandfather. Pappa Frank was Tessa’s best friend when she was growing up. How she wished she could talk to him now! He would know what to do about Victoria. His passing devastated Tessa. As she sat thinking of him, she recalled his funeral last February. Tessa’s mom had asked her to come back to the house, but all Tessa really wanted was to go home to her bed and cry herself to sleep. Victoria had come in and mocked her for her grief and her tears over “some old guy.” Tessa rubbed her temples. Was that when Victoria had moved in, the day of Pappa Frank’s funeral?

Tessa shook her head and looked at her list. She felt a sudden pang of guilt. She really should call her mom. Maybe she could help Tessa get rid of Victoria. Number three, Call or visit Mom more often! Tessa’s Mom was a rock, always there for her, taking care of her and Pappa Frank while working the long hours of an ER nurse. Tessa never knew how she did it. When she was little, Tessa believed her mom was a superhero who could magically move from place to place—Tessa’s dance recital, Pappa Frank’s doctor appointment, the ER. She always was in the right place when Tessa or Pappa needed her. And somehow, there was always a homecooked meal on the table, the laundry was done, the house was cleaned, and Tessa had help on her homework every night. Tessa thought, In all those years I was at home, did Mom even sleep?

Sleep. Tessa yawned. Yes, she felt sleepy. Maybe a nap would help her clear her head and make sense of this Victoria problem. She slipped out of her jeans and pulled the blankets down on the bed. Crawling under the covers, Tessa fell into a heavy slumber. And she never heard Victoria come creeping back into the room.

Victoria looked down at Tessa’s list of resolutions and scoffed. Well, isn’t that just like her? She’s such a ninny! She can’t possibly move out or get rid of me. I’m the only one who really cares for her! Victoria thought back to Pappa Frank’s funeral. Tessa had been a mess when she came home. She had crawled into bed, pulled the covers over her head, and that’s where she would have stayed if Victoria hadn’t arrived to pull her out of bed, make her shower, eat, and walk around the block a few times. And this is how she repays me, huh?

Victoria sat down at Tessa’s desk and took out a new piece of paper. She found a brightly colored pen and began to rewrite Tessa’s list.

1.     Be less selfish. Give the big bedroom to Victoria.

2.    Show more gratitude for the things Victoria does for me. Say Thank you, buy her gifts, and offer to pay her share of the rent.

3.    Avoid Mom. She doesn’t care about me anyway!

4.    Dump my therapist and listen to Victoria’s advice. After all, only she knows what’s best for me.

Victoria grinned at the page and chuckled to herself. Tessa’s been so confused lately that she’ll think she wrote this. Practicing her handwriting has its uses beyond forging her signature!

Victoria slipped out of the room without looking at Tessa.

Two hours later, Tessa woke up. She looked around confusedly. Hadn’t she gone to sleep in her bed? How did she end up on the couch? She shook her head to clear away the fog, but it still lingered. She walked into the kitchen and found her favorite teacup in the sink. Victoria! Tessa washed the cup and opened the cabinet to find her stash of peppermint teabags. She opened the box and found it empty.

“Why do you do stuff like this?” Tessa screamed.

“Because I know it annoys you.”

Tessa groaned, rolled her eyes, and stomped back to her bedroom. She plopped down on the chair and stared at the list of resolutions on her desk. She blinked a few times and pulled the paper closer to her face. This can’t be right! Did I write this? What has Victoria done for me? Maybe I am selfish. Maybe I should listen to her more. Maybe she does want what’s best for me. Maybe I should be more assertive like she is. Maybe I should speak up for myself more. Maybe maybe— Tessa looked at the list again. It was her writing. It was on her desk, written with her pen on her paper. She stood up slowly and stumbled back to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry. You’re right!” Tessa whispered.

“That’s more like it! You know I care about you and only want what I know is the best for you, right?”

“Yes, I know that. Thank you for putting up with me. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Of course, you don’t. You’re weak and stupid. But that’s okay because I’m strong and smart enough for the both of us.”

“Yes, you are strong, smart, and beautiful.”

The apartment door creaked slowly open. A middle-aged woman in blue scrubs came in carrying a brown paper bag of groceries. Tessa stared at her with a frightened expression.

           “Hello, darling! How are you feeling today? Who were you talking to just now?”

           Tessa relaxed as she recognized her mother’s voice, and answered, “Oh, it was just Victoria. You know her, right?”

           Tessa’s mother looked around the kitchen. “No one else is here, Tessa. Have you been taking your medication, sweetheart?”

           “But Victoria was just—” Tessa followed her mother’s gaze around the empty kitchen. Her eyes settled on the mirror above the dinette. Her dark brown hair was beginning to escape from underneath a red wig. Tessa, who never wore makeup, saw that her eyes were rimmed with a heavy black liner and her lips and cheeks were brightly painted red. As she stared at the mirror, her face contorted into a strange grimace. She saw her lips move, but the sound that issued forth was not her voice. It was Victoria’s voice.

           “Don’t worry, Tessa, I’m right here. I’ll never leave you!”