Taking love, by the hand.

TW: attempted suicide, death

It was still dark out, but the horizon was beginning to turn pink. As the sun began to rise, the light shining reflected in the ocean. I stood with my bare feet, in the sand, as small waves repeatedly washed over them, cooling them. It was a warm morning, for early spring, so I wasn’t cold.

 As I watched the sunrIse, I notIced the water begIn to rIpple and splash, not too far from the shore. I took a few steps, Into the water, the brim of my pants were getting soaked, but I didn’t care, because I had just seen a hand, in the middle of the disturbed water. I sped up, hardly noticing the waves hitting my chest.

When I got close enough, I grabbed the hand and pulled, as hard as I could. The hand belonged to the love of my life, though back then, I didn’t know that.

I carried the girl, back to the shore with me, and I laid her down of the sand. She was breathing, but as soon as I got her head above water, she passed out. I hadn’t expected that, and I almost let her sink back under, before realizing and picking her up.

Now that I was back on the land, it hit me, that she could’ve stood on the bottom, and her head would’ve been safely above the surface, but I shook the thought out of my head, it wasn’t important. I sat down on the sand, next to her, and made sure she was still breathing. She had calmed down and her chest didn’t seem to rise and fall as much. She was breathing, and I relaxed and I looked around us, for something to put over her, because even though the air was warm, the water was freezing and I didn’t know, how long she had been in it. I spotted a towel, someone must have forgotten it. I went and got it, put it over her and sat back down, and I waited for her to wake up.

I’m not sure how long I waited, but the sun had fully risen, before she woke up. She didn’t open her eyes for a bit, but she stirred and mumbled a bit. I didn’t want to startle her, so I waited for her to open her eyes and sit up, before I spoke.

“Are you okay?” I asked, as I felt like it would be weird, to ask her who she was, as the first thing.

“Who are you? Where am I? What happened?” She asked all of this fast and panicked. She stood up and backed away from me. I had expected something like that, I knew she was going to be scared when she woke up.

I stood up too and put my hands in front of me, to try and show her, I wasn’t going to hurt her. She stopped backing away, but she didn’t come closer. She crossed her arms and turned away from me a little. She gave a little nod, and I understood that she was ready to listen, but she wasn’t ready to let her guard down yet. It was clear to me, that what ever had happened to her, was horrible and enough to have scared her, senseless.

I sat back down, and tried my best to explain what had happened, despite my limited knowledge.

“...and that’s as much as I know, I’m sorry I cant be more help.” I finished, and looked up at her, for the fist time, since I began talking. Her arms were still crossed, but not as tightly and I could see the wheels turning behind her eyes, she was trying to make sense of things. I waited for her to say anything, but she kept standing there, thinking, silently.

“What happened to you?” I asked her, unsure if she would answer, and at first I was sure she wasn’t. She stayed quiet for almost a full minute, before she answered my question.

“I don’t think you’d believe me, if i told you.” She said, so quietly that I could barely hear her. She lowered her head. She was sad and still scared, I could see it, in her face.

I told her, to tell me anyway and she sat down, next to me and began to talk. The story she told me, was nearly unbelievable. I wouldn’t have believed her, if I hadn’t seen her myself, in the water, one second nothing, the next she was there.

The sun had dried her clothes and hair, by the time her story was over, and I stood up. She and I began to walk towards my house. I say house, it was more like a shed back then, but I had food and water there, and she needed a place, where she could feel safe.

She stayed with me for months and we became close, I told her everything and she did the same. It was easy to see, that there was love, between the two of us, but I was never sure, if she loved me, the way that I loved her, and I was too weak, too broken and too scared of loosing her, to find out. So I didn’t tell her and I still regret that, everyday, even after all of these years. 

Despite of how I felt for her, I was happy, happier than I remember ever being before I met her, and since. We did everything together, partly because she was still scared, to be alone, but mostly because (and I think, that she felt the same) life was better, when we were together. Everything seemed easier, when she was by my side.

At first, I didn’t notice the change in her, it was a slow change, but once I saw it, I could never unsee it and I was worried, but when I asked her about it, she insisted, that she was fine and that nothing was wrong. Even though I knew she was lying, I let it go. The worst decision I ever made, in my life.

Things got worse, and I found myself asking her, everyday, if she was sure, she was okay, after a few days, she got so mad at me, for refusing to let it go, that she ran away. I tried running after her, but she had always been faster than me and it didn’t take her long, to loose me. I went back home, our home, and hoped and waited, for her to come back, but when it got dark, I began to worry about her, and I went to the beach, where I found her. I don’t know why, but something in me, knew, that I would find her there, and I did, and I ran.

She was laying on the sand, not moving. I threw myself on the ground next to her, I grabbed her.

“Annabelle!” I screamed her name, and shook her. My eyes were blurred with my tears, so I didn’t see it at fist, when she opened her eyes.

I pulled her in to my lap, and I held her. She still hadn’t said anything, but she was awake. She was breathing and her eyes were opening and closing slowly. I saw her lips move, and I brought my ear down to her mouth, to try and hear her.

“I’m... sorry... Lacey... I’m so... sorry...” her weak voice whispered into my ear. All I could do, was hold her and cry, as I felt my heart breaking. I knew what was happening.

“I know Belle, I know. It’s okay... its okay... I love you... so much... more than you’ll ever know Belle.” 

“I know, I have known for a while Lacey... and... I love you too... stay with me? Lacey...” she whispered to me.

Still crying, I laid down on the sand, pulling her onto my chest. We laid there, looking at the sky, the stars and the moon, as the last minutes of her life, went by. I felt her, take a deep breath and I kissed the top of her head, knowing what was about to happen, I squeezed her tight and held on, till I felt her last breath, leave her...