Missed Opportunity

“Goodbye Eric, see you next time.”

        “Bye Dad. Yeah, see you next time. Hopefully it won’t be as long between visits now” Eric said as he climbed into his 4-Runner for the long drive home.

        Arriving home early that evening, Eric found a State Police car parked in front of his house. That certainly was not the kind of welcome home present he had envisioned. Truthfully, he had expected Jennifer, his girlfriend of several years, to have let herself into his house and would be in the midst of creating another amazing dinner for them.

        Now, after pulling into the driveway and turning the car off, he took a deep breath, trying to ready himself for a conversation with the State Police Officer. Stepping out of the car, he turned and saw the trooper already halfway to him.

        “Good evening officer, is there something I can help you with?” Eric asked in a road-weary, yet friendly tone. He didn’t need any problems with the police after a long day on the road.

        “Are you Mr. Eric Sawcastle?” the officer responded.

        “Yes, that’s me. What seems to be the problem? Is there something that I can help you with?”

        “Sir, may I please see some identification”

        “Here you are officer…….Gentzlemeyer” Eric said as he handed over his drivers license.

        Scanning between the drivers license and Eric’s face a few times until he was satisfied, Officer Gentzlemeyer returned the license and said “may we step inside, please.”

        As they entered the house and before he turned on the lights, Eric could smell that Jennifer had been there. The aroma of one of his favorite meals met them in the foyer. Turning on the lights, he saw a note from her. The chicken and corn chowder would be done soon. She had run home to make sure that her cat, a tubby tabby cat named Oki, had enough food and water for the night.

        Turning on lights as they made their way to the living room, they paused in the kitchen where Eric offered officer Gentzemeyer something to drink. Politely declining, they made their way through the rest of the house, arriving in the living room where they sat down opposite each other. No sooner had they sat down when the front door flew open and Jennifer rushed in.

        “Eric! Eric, where are you?!”

        “In the living room honey.”

        Rounding the corner, the first thing she saw was Officer Gentzlemeyer then, fully entering the living room, she saw Eric sitting across from him. “What’s going on?” she asked as she sat down next to him.

        “I don’t know. Officer Gentzlemeyer and I were just about to get to that, I think, when you came in.”

        “Mr. Sawcastle” the officer began, “I am sorry to bring you this news, but your father was found in his home, unresponsive, this afternoon.”

        Shock spread across Eric’s face and for a minute, he didn’t speak. He couldn’t speak. It was as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room in that instant. He heard a noise but his brain was unable to recognize it as the sound of Jennifer gasping.

        He looked over at her, her brown eyes as wide as saucers and her left hand had come to her mouth. In what felt like slow-motion, he turned his head and refocused on Officer Gentzlemeyer.

        “How?” Eric managed to whisper from his lips. “What happened? I saw him just this morning and he was fine.”

        “Yes, we are aware that you left this morning. One of his neighbors, a Mr. Adamson, saw your car leave early this morning. After you left, Mr. Adamson went over to confirm with your father that they were still scheduled to play golf this afternoon.”

        “He mentioned that he was playing golf today, but not who he was playing with.”

        “Mr. Adamson went over again later to pick your father up and noticed that the front door was ajar as he went to knock. He called out for your father and, when he did not receive an answer, went inside to find him. He discovered your father in the kitchen. It appears that your father was in the process of fixing himself a drink when he fell and caught his head on the corner of the counter.”

        “Dead. My father is dead” was all Eric was able to say.

        “I am very sorry for your loss Mr. Sawcastle and I wish that I had better news for you. The appropriate local authorities will be in touch with you soon. Again, I am sorry for your loss.” Officer Gentzlemeyer donned his State Policeman’s hat, stood, and saw himself out.

        Silence fell across the room, Eric in a dazed state and Jennifer, wanting to help, to say something but not knowing what to say or do. She knew that their relationship was contentious but did not know the reasons behind it. His father was not a topic he discussed frequently.

        “I’ll put dinner away, we can have it tomorrow night instead.”

        “No” Eric said “we both need to eat. It’s been a long day.”

        Over the next few weeks, Jennifer learned more about the reasons for the tension and anger between Eric and his father. Talking about the issues with someone he loved and trusted rather than on the couch of some random therapist also helped. He didn’t have to hold anything back with Jennifer or have to try to guess at the meaning behind her questions. So, he let it all go in those weeks that followed.

        Demeaning and verbally abusive towards both he and his mother, Eric grew up resenting his father. Nothing either of them did was ever good enough. Problems were found with everything. His tirades were bad to begin with but made even worse when alcohol was involved, which was frequent.

        Functional Alcoholic was a term he had heard his mother say often to both friends and family. Why she never left his father, Eric never knew. He couldn’t help but wonder though, if she had, would she still be alive today?

        Like it or not, Eric remembered everything about that day like it was yesterday. The sun was almost done burning off an early morning fog that hung in the air, like smoke around a camp fire on a windless night. The problem was, it wasn’t yesterday morning. Nor last week. Nor a month ago. The last time that Eric had said goodbye to his father was seven years ago and he had left thinking that maybe things were going to improve between them.

        In the years since his father’s unexpected death, much had changed in Eric’s life. True to his word, he never raised his voice toward Jennifer or their girls. And, although she had told him it wasn’t necessary, Eric had sworn off alcohol of any sort from that day on. He never told Jennifer, but during the evening, after the officer had left, Eric had promised to himself that no matter what, he would never be anything like his father. He was well on his way to keeping that promise too.