The Idiot Box

Do you remember that tv show What’s My Line? A panel game show that originally ran in the United States on the CBS Television Network from 1950 to 1967, originally in black and white. The game used celebrity panelist to question contestants in order to determine their occupation, i.e. "line [of work]", with panelists being called on to question and identify a weekly celebrity "mystery guest" while blindfolded.

Don’t even ask me why I opened up with this particular topic. Sometimes it’s remembrance such as them old tv shows that get the molecules of my thought process moving forward.

Do my characters really need to know what their role is in my short story, while the reader is Lost in Space? The main plot of ‘Lost in Space’ is mainly centered around the Robinson family, who crash land on an alien planet, and soon find that they must fight to survive while being beleaguered by hidden dangers that seem to exist all around them. My favorite line being “Danger, Will Robinson!” the catchphrase from the 1960s’ American television series Lost in Space spoken by the Robot, acting as a surrogate guardian, says this to young Will Robinson when the boy is unaware of an impending threat. In everyday use, the phrase warns someone that they are about to make a mistake or that they are overlooking something. The phrase is also used in hacker culture. When given in person, the vocal klaxon is sometimes accompanied by oscillation of the speaker's arms, parodying the Robot's body language.

Again, I find myself struggling with finding the proper subtext. You see I’ve been watching tv since 1950. My father was so creative with our first black and white television that he placed cellophane paper inside of the tv box to make the B&W tv look like it was in color. On top of the 25 inch screen cellophane paper was the color blue 25% to represent the sky, in the middle it was pink 50% to represent faces and the bottom green 25% to represent grass. It was a good thing in those days that there was no HBO or Netflix. I will attest that it did make then Saturday morning cartoons look better.

The average American over the age of 2 spends more than 34 hours a week watching live television, says a new Nielsen report, plus another three to six hours watching taped programs. For a country where the phrase "I really don't watch that much television" is so common it could almost be engraved on our one dollar bill, that's a lot of screen time.

Now I calculated that I’ve watched tv for 70 years. So I timed that 70 years times me watching tv for 8 hours a day times 365 days times that = 2,920 hours of enjoyable tv watching per year times 70 years that =ed me watching tv for 204,400 hours (8,518 days) during my lifetime.

That should make me an authoritative on what actors and actresses take their acting skills and bring that character into the real world.

I’ll start with David Carradine. Do you remember him? He is perhaps best known as the star of the 1970s television series Kung Fu, playing Kwai Chang Caine, a peace-loving Shaolin monk travelling through the American Old West.

In 1974, at the height of his popularity in Kung Fu, Carradine was arrested again, this time for attempting to beat up two Hell’s Angel bikers while trying to use  Kung fu and Nunchucks on them. While under the influence of peyote. Carradine began practicing Kung Fu in the nude wandering around in his Laurel Canyon neighborhood. It is true that sometimes tv acting characters will imitate real life events.

Then there’s Martin Fitzgerald Lawrence an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer, talk show host, writer and former Golden Gloves boxer. Lawrence came to fame during the 1990s, establishing a Hollywood career as a leading actor, most notably in the Fox television sitcom Martin and the films House Party, Boomerang, Bad Boys, Wild Hogs, Nothing to Lose, Blue Streak, Life, Big Momma's House and A Thin Line Between Love & Hate.

In May of 1996, when Los Angeles police found him wandering and disoriented in a crowded area on Ventura Boulevard with a loaded pistol in his pocket, he was hospitalized. A spokesman said that he thought he was on the set of Bad Boys.

Sally Anne Struthers is an American actress, spokeswoman and activist. She played the roles of Gloria Stivic, the daughter of Archie and Edith Bunker on All in the Family, for which she won two Emmy awards and Babette on Gilmore Girls. She was the voice of Charlene Sinclair on the ABC sitcom Dinosaurs and Rebecca Cunningham on the Disney animated series Tales Spin. Actress Sally Struthers denies driving drunk in Maine, where she's appearing in a musical. She tried slurring to the police didn’t they ever watch heart-tugging ads seeking money for children's charities. She had been performing at the Ogunquit Playhouse in the musical "9 to 5." She was just doing what everyone else does after working “9 to 5”. What’s that? Trying to act her way out of a DWI court date.

James Byron Dean was an American actor. He is remembered as a cultural icon of teenage disillusionment and social estrangement, as expressed in the title of his most celebrated film, Rebel Without a Cause, in which he starred as troubled teenager Jim Stark.

At 5:45 PM on September 30, 1955, 24-year-old actor James Dean was killed in Cholame, California, when the Porsche he was driving hits a Ford Tudor sedan at an intersection. Rumor has it that Dean’s car, which he’d nicknamed the Little Bastard, was cursed. After the accident, the car rolled off the back of a truck and crushed the legs of a mechanic standing nearby. Later, after a used-car dealer sold its parts to buyers all over the country, the strange incidents multiplied: The car’s engine, transmission and tires were all transplanted into cars that were subsequently involved in deadly crashes and a truck carrying the Spyder’s chassis to a highway-safety exhibition skidded off the road, killing its driver. The remains of the car vanished from the scene of that accident and haven’t been seen since. Neither has the Rebel Without a Cause, James Dean either.

William West Anderson, known professionally as Adam West, was an American actor, known primarily for his role as Batman in the 1960s. The late actor Adam West was honored by Los Angeles with a ceremonial lighting of the Bat-signal from City Hall. That’s all I have to say about that.

Kevin Spacey Fowler KBE is an American actor, producer, and singer. Spacey began his career as a stage actor during the 1980s, obtaining supporting roles in film and television. He gained critical acclaim in the 1990s, culminating in an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for the neo-noir crime thriller The Usual Suspects and an Academy Award for Best Actor for the midlife crisis-themed drama American Beauty. Spacey's first roles in film were in Mike Nichols' Heartburn and Working Girl. Spacey's other starring roles have included Glengarry Glen Ross, the comedy-drama film Swimming with Sharks, the psychological thriller Seven, the neo-noir crime film L.A. Confidential, the drama Pay It Forward, the science fiction-mystery film K-PAX, the musical biopic Beyond the Sea, the superhero film Superman Returns, and the action film Baby Driver.

Since October 29, when BuzzFeed published allegations made by actor Anthony Rapp that Spacey made a sexual advance toward Rapp when Rapp was 14, more than 30 people have come forward with their own allegations against Spacey, with accounts ranging from harassment to attempted rape.

Kevin Spacey just likes dudes and destroying his career that all.

Sometimes actors, celebrities and entertainers truly believe they can get away with committing crimes.

Justin Bieber was detained by Miami Beach Police for DUI, resisting arrest, and drag racing. But thanks to a lenient plea agreement, he was required to take anger management classes and make a charitable donation. In June 2014, Bieber broke the law once again. He was found guilty of assault and careless driving in Canada, but was only fined $600 (US dollars) and the assault charge was dismissed. Ward don't be so hard on the Beaver. Opps! Wronger Bieber. Let that have been you.

Singer R. Kelly having intimate relations with an underage girl. He was charged with 14 counts of child pornography, but was acquitted by a jury. Kelly’s defense team convinced the jury that the girl’s identity was inconclusive despite being identified by various prosecution witnesses. I watched that boot leg tape on tv and would of testified against him that he definitely was the sicko who was urinating on the teen.

In 1984, Motley Crüe lead singer Vince Neil drove drunk and smashed into a car carrying two people. The passenger in Neil's car, the drummer for the band Hanoi Rocks, perished and the occupants in the other vehicle were left with critical injuries and brain damage. Judge Edward Hinz Jr. sentenced Neil to 30 days behind bars, 5 years probation, $2.6 million in restitution to the victims and 200 hours of community service. He served 18 days behind bars. My best friend Melvin Strong got 18 months in prison for trying to free farmer Mister Peppers chickens from the chicken coop.

Matthew Broderick was vacationing in Northern Ireland with then, girlfriend Jennifer Grey in 1987 when his BMW collided head-on with another vehicle, instantly taking the lives of a mother and daughter. Broderick was charged with causing death by dangerous driving and faced five years behind bars, but he was later convicted of a lesser charge of careless driving and fined $175. 

I wonder how much would it have cost him if he killed a bus load of disabled mentally challenged elderly people?

When he was 16, Mark Wahlberg was charged with assault and attempted murder for two separate crimes that he committed on the same day. He left one man unconscious, while his other victim went blind in one eye. Wahlberg pleaded guilty to assault and was convicted of two counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, marijuana possession and criminal contempt. Sentenced to three months behind bars, he served 45 days.

You see what can happen good for you when make a Christmas miracle happen by bringing your one and only friend to life Ted, his teddy bear. The two supposedly grew up together!

I loved watching Yogi bear but I never envisioned him to ever come to life. That was his best friend BOO-BOO’s dream.

In 2011, Mel Gibson (The Patriot) pleaded no contest to one misdemeanor count of domestic battery allegedly committed against his then-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva in 2010. He was sentenced to three years’ probation, a year-long domestic violence counseling program, community service and various fines. In 2006, Gibson was arrested for drunk driving. As the officer cited him for speeding with an open container of alcohol, Gibson started ranting racial slurs at the officer. As it was his second DUI, Gibson was sentenced to three years’ probation, one year of alcohol abuse treatment, a fine and 90 days probation on his license. In 2009, a judge ruled that his conviction should be expunged. Rumor has it that it costed the Lethal Weapon actor a million dollars for expungement.

Linsey Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in jail in July 2010 for violating the terms of her probation, but was released after 13 days due to overcrowding. While she was behind bars, she received preferential treatment, such as having visitors after hours and ordering special food.

Is she still acting?

Snoop Dogg was tried for the 1993 slaying of Philip Woldermariam, a member of a rival gang. A bodyguard fired at Woldermariam from a moving vehicle that Snoop was driving. Both Snoop and the bodyguard were acquitted of first- and second-degree murder charges and there was a mistrial on voluntary manslaughter charges.

That’s just what might happen to you if don’t stop drinking gin and juice.

Already on probation in 2008 for a controlled substances offense, Charlie Sheen OD'd again and his probation was extended. Then, on Christmas Day 2009, Sheen was arrested for assaulting his wife and charged with felony menacing, second-degree assault and criminal mischief.

His lawyer arranged for his previous charges to be dismissed as part of a plea bargain and Sheen was sentenced to 30 days in a rehabilitation facility, 30 days of probation and 36 hours of anger management. 

He ain’t got long for this world cause he got AIDS.

There’s a lot more I could share about these imperfect people but from fear from never wanting to watch another minute of the idiot box I’ll stop revealing acting fantasy makers and real life characters.