Stewie and Nubert sat at the table drinking their ale and reminiscing about the old times. The one time Stewie was almost cooked by a group of orcs but was rescued by a group of adventures. Nubert remembered the time he was made king by a tribe of kobolds. He was flattered to be given the title until he found out he was to be sacrificed. Just like Stewie, he was rescued, and it was by James, the great adventurer, who nabbed him from his fate.
“He is the greatest man to ever live,” said Nubert in complete awe.
“I wish I could be like him,” said Stewie with dreamy eyes.
The two sat there in silence, putting themselves in the role of the mighty James. Thoughts of Stewie going and defeating the giant troll under the bridge and Nubert climbing the highest mountain to wrestle the snow beast and making it submit.
“Have you ever dipped dragon meat in butter?” Nubert asked breaking the silence and bringing Stewie back to reality.
“Can’t say I have,” replied Stewie, thinking the question was strange to ask. “And I don’t plan on going up to a dragon and asking him or her if I can dip a part of them in butter either.”
“You make sure the dragon is dead before you do such a thing,” Nubert said looking at his friend, wondering if he had any sense.
“I don’t know any place that has a dead dragon,” said Stewie scratching his head. “And I don’t plan on taking on a dragon.”
“I have a proposal for the two of you for I know of a place where you can find a large overweight dragon that is maimed that you can easily take out,” a sweet-sounding feminine voice said behind them.
The two turned around and their mouths dropped open upon seeing the goddess. She had long, red, curly hair, brown eyes, pert nose, full lips, and a body to die for.
“Would you like to know where the lair is located or did you just want to sit here all day and salivate over my beauty?” she asked looking a little annoyed.
“Can we do both?” asked Stewie wiping the saliva off his grubby chin.
Nubert came out of his daze and slapped the back of Stewie’s head.
“Tell us where the lair is,” demanded Nubert trying to sound brave. “And if you know a way to kill the dragon.”
“There is a giant rock right above the entrance to the lair,” she told them. “One of you can be the bait to lure the dragon out and when it pokes its head out you drop the rock on its head, and that will surely kill the beast.”
Stewie and Nubert looked at each other and a grin appeared on their faces, then they looked back at the beautiful woman.
“That is a great idea!” exclaimed Nubert with glee.
“Can we get married?” asked Stewie receiving another slap to the back of his head.
“Where do we go?” asked Nubert.
“Head north until you come to a very large oak tree with carvings of a knight fighting a dragon on the trunk. Then head straight west and you will eventually come to the lair. Shouldn’t take you long once you reach the oak tree.”
“Thank you beautiful one,” said Nubert.
“You must join us once the meal is prepared,” said Stewie.
“Dragon meat dipped in butter?” she pondered. “Never tried it, but tell you what. Once you kill the dragon bring some meat here and the three of us will celebrate all night long.”
Stewie started to giggle hysterically while Nubert blushed a bright red.
The woman left, and soon after the two rode toward the lair full of anticipation to be able to have dragon meat with a lovely looking woman.
“Not only are we going to have a scrumptious meal, but we can call ourselves the mighty dragonslayers,” said Nubert.
Stewie started clapping his hands with glee, jumping up and down on the horse but quickly stopped when he almost fell off.
They came to the oak tree and after some searching, they found the carvings.
“The knight fighting the dragon almost looks like me,” said Nubert checking out the carving.
“The knight looks taller and more muscular,” observed Stewie.
Nubert turned to him and punched him on the arm.
“Ow!” exclaimed Stewie. “I was just trying to be truthful.”
“Don’t try,” said Nubert getting back onto his horse. “Let’s go.”
Stewie, after a couple of attempts, got back onto his horse and the two-headed toward the lair.
“When we get there, I will go on top of the lair and drop the rock,” said Nubert. “You need to lure the dragon out.”
“Sound like a chicken. Wait! That’s too small. Sound like a pig or better yet, a cow.”
They soon arrived at the lair, which had a putrid smell, and the two went and positioned themselves. Nubert found a large stick by the boulder, making it quite convenient to push the large rock. He then gave Stewie the thumbs up to start making his animal sounds.
“Oink! Oink!” Stewie started calling out. “Moo! Moo!”
“Keep it to one animal!” Nubert yelled out to him.
The next moment, there were the sounds of heavy steps, and minutes later a very old dragon that was quite overweight poked its head out of the lair.
“Now!” cried out Stewie.
Nubert pushed the rock and it came tumbling down, landing on top of the dragon’s head. Stewie and Nubert just stood there as the rock rested on the dragon’s head. A moment later, the rock cracked in half and fell to the dragon’s feet. They could see the dragon was not very pleased, now having a terrible headache.
“Oh, oh,” they both said.
Sometime later, out in the middle of the field, stood James, the mighty adventurer, the beautiful red-haired lady, and the old dragon.
“Here is the gift,” the dragon spoke in a deep voice.
The dragon dropped a small velvety box into James's hands. James opened the box and took out a ring with a large diamond. He then bent down in front of the fair lady.
“Will you marry me?” he asked her.
“I will,” she said, tears in her eyes.
The two then embraced, then a long passionate kiss.
“Will, I must be going,” the dragon said. “Thank you for bringing a tasty treat to an old fossil. They were quite good dipped in butter.”
“You are welcome,” said James.
“I have plenty of more gifts,” the dragon said. “Just keep on bringing them.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
The dragon slowly got its giant bulk into the air and flew off.
“I feel kind of bad getting this ring with the cost of two men’s lives,” the lovely lady spoke.
“Don’t be,” said James. “I saved them numerous times so they were bound to meet their fate one day. I just helped bring the fateful day, and now look at this wondrous gift I’m able to give my lovely bride.”
She looked down at the ring then back to James with a smile. “Very true,” she said and embraced him once again. “I love you so much.”
“I love you,” he said.
They clasped hands and started walking through the tulip field with a skip here and skip there. Life is sweet for the ones in love.
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This is hilarious and I didn't even expect the twist at the end.
Thank you for the comments
This was such a creative twist to the prompt! I loved the turn it took at the end!
Greatly appreciate the comments!
This is so good, Corey! Mind checking out my new story? Thanks
Oh, your stories! I was smiling all the way through this one! What a great read, I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s funny, it’s clever, the ending is neat (a twist was expected but even in the unlikely event someone had seen that coming, it wouldn’t have taken away from the story at all), the tone is brilliant. There’s just so much here. I can tell you enjoyed writing it – that comes through strongly because reading was a pleasure. I am very glad I happened upon this one.
Thank you for the comments! It's always a joy in write a story that is set-up to be a comedy. Much needed nowadays.
Very creative, with unexpected twists! Wonderful!!!!
Thank you for the comments!
Ha! I like orc stories!
Very funny!! Poor Nubert and Stewie though...
I wrote this one quite awhile ago thinking of people I know or characters you see in the media. Like to have a chuckle once in awhile. Thank you!
this story brought the biggest smile to my face. i love the concept and i love the way it played out. now to add, "befriend a dragon" onto my to-do list.
Thank you for the comments. Try to add humor to some of my stories.
So funny! Loved Stewie and Nubert. Played out in my head like a Monty Python skit.
That is hilarious. I just watched the Holy Grail today.
Too funny. That's a classic. One of my favorites.
Great story. I liked the characters, Stewie and Nubert. You made them humorous, to the point where I would like to see them again in different stories. The tale is cohesive and flows along at an easy, readable pace, making it a page-turner ( or online a real 'scroller'.). They can be recycled 😉 A couple of glitches that I noticed, hopefully, to help in your revision(s): - two-headed shouldn't be hyphenated here, this would mean something that has two heads and not two people going in a direction. - in the sentence, 'Will, I must ...
Thank you and greatly appreciate the feedback. The funny part is that I checked out a free grammar check and it changed “two headed to two-headed”.
Hi Corey. Yes, my grammar check would do this also (and then I would have to change it and leave it as a red underlined mark, which is quite annoying when you want a 'clean' page). I always double-check after using my grammar check (quite often spell check works against us also). Many times it assumes too much. It will always be up to a final reading out loud that will make sure we put out what we intend. I try not to become too dependent on automated tools, they have their limitations.
You are correct. Many times I'm just in a rush to send off the story when I need to read over it. Plus, one of my issues is that I know what I want to get across but find out it doesn't make sense to the reader. What you sent was a tremendous help.
Thank you for your kind words.
We are fellow writers to uplift each other. You have been uplifting in my eyes. Hopefully, others are the same.
What a twist! Wow...
Thank you for the comments. I love stories with a twist.
Love the twist. I was worried about the dragon for a bit. I love dragons.
Thank you for the comments
I adore this brand of comedy. And for some reason, I can't help but imagine dragon dipped in butter to taste something like lobster tails dipped in butter. Anyway, it's a delicious story! Thanks for checking out mine for last week btw.
Thank you for the comments. You are probably right on the lobster taste. Or like many animals that taste like chicken. You are welcome on the read.
It was different. I liked it. And the names. How do you pick the names for your characters? Hey, could you return the favor and give me some feed back on any of my stories?
This was actually an older story that I revised a little. When it comes to names it's either one that pops up in my head, by looking up meaning, or someone I know or knew. I will check out your stories. Thanks for the comments
This was hilarious! I feel a bit sorry for the two idiot would-be adventurers but not so sorry that I didn’t laugh at their fate. I also was quite surprised at the dark side to the ‘hero’! Not quite so heroic now, what with sacrificing two fellow adventurers for a shiny ring!
Thank you for the comments. Even heroes will committ evil for love.
Apparently so! If you have some time and are interested, I have a new story up too although it isn’t as funny as this one.
Hi Corey, Always fun to be in love :-)
Yes indeed. Even in this twisted sort of way.