The Grapevine is Broken

April 23, 2023, 1:07 PM

On the sidelines at a soccer game

ALEXIS: Don’t tell anybody I told you this, but I overheard Nicole talking on her cell just a few minutes ago, and she said something about being “unhappy” and “looking at options.” I don’t know about you, but it kinda sounded like she was talking about getting a divorce. Or at least separated. I hate to gossip, but do you know anything about her and Tim being unhappy?

BROOKE: No! News to me. But now that you mention it, they were both invited to the barbecue Melissa had for her son’s pre-K graduation, and Nicole brought the kids by herself. Said Tim had to work late or something. Sounded weak to me.

ALEXIS: Yeah, definitely. I think she told me the same thing last month when she begged off game night. I’m worried about her.

BROOKE: Me too. That’s so sad.

April 23, 2023, 6:43 PM

In the hall bathroom via cell phone

BROOKE: I’m not sure how to tell you this, but I think Nicole and Tim are separating.

CHRISTINA: Nicole and Tim? That can’t be.

BROOKE: Yeah, it’s true. I heard that Tim has been working late every day for the last month. 

CHRISTINA (in a hushed tone): Oh no! Do you think he’s having an affair?

BROOKE: I don’t know, but I wouldn’t put it past anybody. If he is I’ll bet it’s with that paralegal in his office. Nicole told me how flirty that girl was at his office Christmas party. She even joked about how she should’ve worked the room so she could find a good divorce attorney. I thought she was kidding but who knows?

CHRISTINA: Wow, that’s awful. So terrible for their kids. And I’m surprised. They seemed so happy the last time I saw them. It must’ve happened fast.

April 24, 2023, 11:28 AM

On side-by-side treadmills at the gym

CHRISTINA: Did you hear? Tim is having an affair with a paralegal in his office. And Nicole is checking out divorce attorneys.

DANIELLE: What?! I can’t believe it!

CHRISTINA: I know, it happened so quickly. I mean…wait…do you think…?

DANIELLE: Do I think what?

CHRISTINA: Do you think the paralegal might be, um, pregnant? 

DANIELLE: God, I hope not! (pause) How old is she?

CHRISTINA: I don’t know, but Becca called her a “girl” so she must be young. I’m guessing 19 or 20?

DANIELLE: Ugh. That’s gross.

CHRISTINA: Seriously.

April 24, 2023, 2:54 PM

In the pickup line at the elementary school

DANIELLE (leaning in close): Girls, I can’t believe I have to tell you this, but it seems that Tim and Nicole are getting divorced.

EMILY/FIONA (in unison): WHAT?!

DANIELLE: Yeah. Apparently, Tim’s having an affair with some 19-year-old in his office, and—get this—she’s pregnant! 

EMILY: Nooooo!!!

FIONA: You’ve got to be kidding!

DANIELLE: Not kidding. Nicole has hired a divorce attorney and everything. I tell you, she’s gonna rake him over the coals. I’ll bet she gets the house and makes him sell his Mercedes. She always hated that status car. Not her thing at all. 

FIONA: Well…it’s not like it’s a Lamborghini or anything…

EMILY: Wow! I didn’t see this coming at all. I wonder if it’s because she’s gained a few pounds. I saw her last week, and, well, she definitely looked a little heavier. She wouldn’t be the first wife to be dumped because of her weight. I hope she doesn’t beat herself up over this. 

April 25, 2023, 3:34 PM

In the produce section of the local supermarket

EMILY (whispering): I’m not one to spread rumors, but this one is too juicy not to share.

GIANNA: Tell me!!

EMILY: Nicole and Tim are in the middle of an ugly divorce. Apparently, he had an affair with some 18-year-old in his office. His assistant, I think. Not only that…she’s pregnant! 

GIANNA: You can’t be serious! Tim?? And Nicole??

EMILY: Totally serious. In fact, it’s pretty ironic that the young bimbo is pregnant since Tim dumped Nicole because she got fat!

GIANNA: That bastard!

EMILY: I know, right?! Nicole’s attorney says she’ll get the house and his Lamborghini because it turns out that he was also beating her. 

GIANNA: Holy crap! I thought he was a good guy. That can’t be true!

EMILY: I know, but it is. Anyway, he’s gonna go down in flames.

GIANNA: Poor Nicole.

April 26, 2023, 7:21 PM

In the living room during Book Club when everyone else was refilling their wine

GIANNA: Hey! I’ve got some good dirt.

HALEY: I’m all ears!

GIANNA: You know Tim and Nicole? 

HALEY: Of course.

GIANNA: Nasty divorce. He’s screwing some teenager and then knocked her up. Nicole already got the house and his fancy car. And I hear she burned all his clothes, too.

HALEY: Really?

GIANNA: Really.

HALEY: Wow. That’s crazy.

GIANNA: Yup.

April 27, 2023, 10:22 AM

At Mommy and Me class at the local library

HALEY (with exaggerated sympathy): Hey Nicole, I heard your news.

NICOLE: Oh. You did? We were trying to keep it quiet until things were finalized.

HALEY: Yeah, well, it’s all over town already.

NICOLE: Ah. I hope it’s not a shock for everyone. I mean, it wasn’t what we originally planned…

HALEY: That’s for sure.

NICOLE: Well, Tim has taken on a lot of extra work to make this happen. I feel bad that he’s missed out on so many of the kids’ activities lately. But in the end, it’s the best thing for our family.

HALEY (looking confused): Oh. What do you mean?

NICOLE: I thought you said you knew? Now that I’m pregnant again, we’ve run out of room in our house. So we found a much bigger one that’s closer to my parents who can help us out with the new baby. 

HALEY: Oh. So, you’re moving?

NICOLE: Yup. I’m devastated to leave, but it’s what makes sense.

HALEY: That’s what’s been going on with you? 

NICOLE: Yeah. Why? What did you hear?