Ada (Joey's Mom)

Dear Robert,

Thank you for all you’ve done for Joey Jr. I know when renting to a young man, there’s a concern that they’ll do nothing but party and play loud music, but I was relieved to hear from you that my son is still the same quiet, introspective soul he was when he left Dearborn. Despite you being a family friend who once dated my cousin before breaking up with her when she decided to become a rodeo clown, I know it was not a given that you would be willing to rent your SoHo apartment to my child. I am still more than willing to make you his godfather even though we’re not Catholic and he’s twenty-three. I would love some way to show our appreciation to you. Also, is there any chance you could come down on the rent? It’s not that Joey can’t afford it. It’s that I can’t afford it, and I’m the one paying. As soon as Joey gets his first gig as the star on a reality show or lands a record contract, we can go right back to paying the previous rent. Think of it like an investment, Robert. That’s what I do.

Sincerely,

Ada (Joey’s Mom)

Ps. My cousin says “Hello” and call her sometime if you want. She is married, but between you and me, they’re not happy. He fixes mechanical bulls for a living, and they’re having money troubles. Seems like everybody is these days.

Dear Lucy,

Thank you for agreeing to see my Joey for your new musical. He was telling me all about it, and it sounds just riveting. I had no idea the world of shuffleboard was so rife with musical opportunity. I don’t know that much about the sport, but I’m sure Joey would be excellent at it. He was always very athletic as a child. Oh sure, he didn’t play sports or go outside much, but you could tell just by looking at him that he could win a trophy if he wanted to. In fact, one day, I made a trophy for him out of Q-tips and popsicle sticks and I wrote “Best Son” on it, and I presented it to him in the living room right before we sat down for our Wednesday Night Movie. (I think that was the week we finished watching the films of Sydney Pollack.) I’m sure you’re not looking for total authenticity anyway since theater is all about the implied. I did a little theater when I was in college, but then I got pregnant with Joey Jr, and I went out and got myself a job that could help provide for my special little guy. Oh, please don’t tell him I called him little. He’s very sensitive about his height. I told him that Tom Cruise is short, and look at all he accomplishes, but Joey doesn’t watch movies, so he can’t fully appreciate the breadth of Mr. Cruise’s achievements.

I hope you cast him in your musical. Both because he’d be brilliant in it, and because he could really used a paycheck, and by “he” I mean “me,” because it’s become very expensive supporting him while he lives in New York and pursues his dreams.

I’m not complaining, mind you, but one job would make a big difference. I’m not sure how much longer I can go without my blood pressure medication, but what’s a little health experiment compared to the satisfaction of knowing you’re helping your child fulfill their dreams.

Sincerely,

Ada (Joey’s Mom)

Dear Kelly,

Thank you so much for going out on a date with Joey Jr. He said he had the best time. Well, he didn’t say that exactly, but I read between the lines. Joey doesn’t say much, but I find that men of few words are more attractive, don’t you think, Kelly? At least I was able to get enough information out of him so that I could look you up and find your address. At least, I hope this is the right Kelly. If it’s not, please throw this letter out. Unless you’re pretty and single and have good values, in which case, please look up my son Joseph (Joey) Giggilitti Jr. He’s an exceptional person, and even though he recently went out on a date with a girl named Kelly, he didn’t sound that enthused about it. Unless you’re the Kelly he went out with, in which case, I can’t tell you how happy he was after you two went out for pizza. I’m sure he would have taken you out for a fancier dinner, but money is tight for him right now, and by that, I mean, money is tight for me. I’m the one who gave him the money for the pizza, although I made sure to give him enough for you two to get extra toppings. Once Joey lands the lead role in this musical about shuffleboard that he’s auditioned for, he’ll be rolling in dough. Don’t you worry, Kelly. We all just have to keep praying for him and thinking good thoughts. I just know you’re going to be a wonderful daughter-in-law, but I don’t want to get too ahead of myself. Right now I just want to express my gratitude to you for taking a chance on my Joey, and to ask if you could possibly pick up the check next time? My water was shut off a few days ago, and Joey Sr. keeps whining about how he needs a shower. The way I look at it, an artist has to sacrifice for his art, so why shouldn’t his parents? Then again, Joey Sr. does sweat a lot, and the house is beginning to smell. Next pizza is on you, okay?

Sincerely,

Ada (Joey’s Mom)

Dear Joey,

This is my daily letter telling you how grateful I am to be your mom. I know you might be a little discouraged, because you haven’t set the entertainment industry on fire just yet, but hang in there. It can take some time for the world to recognize a true genius among them. I’m sure Picasso’s mother had to be patient when she was waiting for people to discover her son. Don’t worry about your father and me. We’re happy to keep supporting you emotionally (and financially) while you keep taking classes in singing and dancing and acting and speaking Dutch (because the Dutch film industry is thriving!) and just because our electricity got turned off, that doesn’t mean we’re losing faith in you. Nothing could ever make us waiver in our dedication to you and your talent. We are so lucky to have you as a son, and I can’t wait to see you onstage or on the big screen or hear you on the radio once I figure out how to get the radio on my phone and once I get my phone turned back on when I pay the phone company the money I owe them.

Love you, love you, love you,

Ada (Mom)