Caesars Joke

Caesars Joke

By Daniel Bingham

Caesar gave a knowing smile to the child who watched him with cautious and distrusting eyes. The pirates had captured him as he was on the way to Rhodes “to study oratory” as he put it. And they laughed and laughed but the child didn’t think that this captive, this Caesar was kidding. “I’ll have you all crucified when this business is done.” this Caesar said as he played dice and drank and joked with all the pirates and their women. Never before had they seen a man with such total confidence. The child felt a chill and she ran away to her friend, the man Cilicio who gave her treats and told her stories.

“I don’t like him Cilicio.” she said, this child who had eyed the captive warily. The sounds of laughter and delight echoed from the distance as Caesar continued to charm.

“She doesn’t like him.” Cilicio said with an amused look to his compatriots. “I guess we should forget the whole business then, eh?” Laughter ensued.

The child stood her ground. “What do we know about this man?” she asked.

“Well, we know he is something you don’t see every day child. That much we know.”

“How so?”

“When we told him how much we was asking for his ransom he laughed at us and said he was worth three times as much. He demanded we raise the price! Never seen the like of it before, child.”

“I don’t like it. He says he’s going to crucify all the men and sell the rest into slavery.”

“He says many things child.” Cilicio said

“I think we should throw him overboard.”

“And miss out on the ransom? Fifty talents of silver doesn’t come along everyday sweet child.” Cilicio took a drink from a skin of wine and smiled knowingly at his fellows.

“I’m scared of him.” The child said.

 Well he’s been nothing but good company, terribly amusing the fellow is.” Cilicio replied. “He says he’s gonna come back and do whatever but it’s just so much talk. There’s no way he’d ever be able to find his way back to this cove.”

“But what if he does?”

“Relax sweet child.” Cilicio said soothingly. “Go and play with a doll or something.”

The child shook her head and left them to their laughter and stories.

Many weeks passed. Late one night the child found Caesar alone gazing out over the sea with a look of utter calm. She approached him.

“They say you wouldn’t be able to find your way back to this cove in a thousand years.” the child said to Caesar.

Caesar responded without looking at her.“Indeed most men would not be able to.”

“And what makes you so different from all other men?” the child asked.

“I am a descendant of Venus and Mars.” Caesar answered as if that cleared everything up.

“Not really. That’s foolish.” the child said,. “Cilicio says the gods are made up.”

“Cilicio is a nothing. I am a Roman nobleman and I tell you the gods are as real as you and me.”

“They all think you’re joking when you say you will crucify everyone…” the child said after a moment of silence.

Caesar smiled warmly at the child. “And what do you think?”

“I think… that’s a very evil thing to say.”

“A Roman Nobleman cannot allow an injustice done against him to go unpunished.” Caesar responded, smile fading. “And I am no mere Nobleman. I will outshine my peers as the sun does outshine a candle. I will conquer new lands for our republic and establish myself as the First Man in Rome. I will be powerful but merciful with my enemies.”

“Merciful?” the child asked, shocked. “How is crucifixion a mercy?”

“I will have their throats cut first.” Caesar said. “They have been rather hospitable I must admit.”

The child looked aghast.

Caesar laughed. “Don’t worry child.” Caesar said looking adoringly down at the child. “You will be spared the cross. True, you will be a slave. It’s not too bad a life if you have the right master. I’ll put in a good word.”

The child ran away and Caesar continued to stare out at the sea and laugh to himself.

When word came that Caesars agents had raised the funds for his ransom there was a big farewell party for the captive. Everyone had grown incredibly fond of this Roman nobleman with his wit and his charm. They played music and danced and drank for hours and hours. Finally, as the hour grew late, the Pirate Captain called for silence so he could make a toast.

“To Caesar!” the pirate chief said, raising a goblet of wine, when the sun had begun to set. “Tomorrow he leaves us. Never have we had such an entertaining guest!”

“To Caesar!” the crowd responded.

“You’ll be seeing me again very soon.” Caesar replied, grinning widely. “And then you’ll all be dead!”

The crowd laughed uproariously, cups of wine spilling as feet stomped in approval of the captives marvelous wit.

The next day came and the entire population of the pirate hideout came to see Caesar off. Only the child stood back from the admirers, a frown stuck firmly on her olive skinned face.

And as the prisoner disembarked, this Roman, this Caesar, the child shivered. For he had looked back and given a smile, a frozen smile, eyes blue as the sky itself and the smile said everything. She knew he would be would be back. He would make good on his word, what the others had passed off as jokes. He would find them and she would be sold into slavery and the men would all be crucified. And there was nothing that could stop it. For this man was not just a man. Indeed he was everything he said he was; a descendant of Venus and Mars and a Roman nobleman who would make good on his word. And that was simply that. This she knew.