Used To Be

Used to be. Three words that hold a world of stories in their hands. Stories of the past. Things that happened that will never happen again, at least never in the same way. Well, I have one of those stories.

It was in the tenth grade when it all started. Tina and I were placed in the same science class, sparking a friendship with literal sparks (physics experiment gone wrong).

Before I met Tina, I would always eat lunch alone, longing to sit with one of the other kids around me, but they were never next to me. I had hoped that if I was nice enough, pleased everybody and brought each person up, they wouldn't let me down. So even though I would say hi to many people every day, I didn't have any real friends, people I could hang out with every night, and it wouldn't have mattered what we did, because we were together.

When I became friends with Tina it was like that. At first, we would call each other every night, talking on the phone for hours while doing out school work, studying for exams or even just watching the same show on television. One day, a cold November night, we decided 'why not meet in person?'. Soon after, we would hang out together all the time. Creating private jokes, sharing secrets about our past and crushes of the present, baking to our hearts desire- I was happy. Somehow, I got lucky. Somewhere, way up in the sky, someone woke up and decided to look out for me and make my deepest desire a reality. For some reason, the stars decided to align for me that year. I didn't, I still don't, know why that happened. I was just another rather average human being, hoping to survive not just life, but also high school.

Tina didn't just make me happy sitting under a blanket in her parents' basement watching movies until 4 A.M., she also made me happy in school. We would study together, getting good grades in all of our classes. Tina, being the social butterfly that she is, also introduced me to a bunch of people I had never really interacted with before. Like I mentioned before, I said hi to many people, but never truly got to know them. But with Tina by my side, I could tell you billions of stories about each and every person at my school. We would get invited to party after party after party. I felt over the moon after every single one, the night confirming that I belonged. That is, until one of those nights, as I went to grab Tina so we could make it home before curfew, she had brought Chandler to tag along with us.

Chandler was every girl's dream at our school, and Tina knew, believe me she knew, that I had the biggest, most crushing crush of my life on Chandler Wong. With his fine black hair sitting neatly on his head and his chocolate brown eyes looking like wells of melted chocolate calling to me to dive in deeper and deeper, and let's not forget his personality (since isn't that what makes him our true hero?). Chandler could be described as loyal, brave, smart and maybe a bit cunning- all the ways in which he can't be placed into even one Hogwarts house. Always nice to people, always seeking to help out to those in need (seriously, he did charity work at the soup kitchen three times a week), always trusting everybody. Chandler was the kind of guy that even the most not-wanting-to-ever-be-married type of girls would want to marry and live with forever since he treated every single person he met with the utmost respect.

So when Chandler and Tina tagged along behind me on our way home that night from the party, I couldn't help but feel devastated. If Tina could do that to me, why had I trusted her so much? How could I have become such good friends with her and never have known this would happen? And how could Chandler, perfectly sweet Chandler, decide to go out with someone as awful as Tina?

Maybe she changed. Maybe while I was watching movies and baking cakes, she was planning her way of overstepping, using me as the step in her ladder, the pawn in her little game of chess, the last ingredient needed to perfect her poisoned apple. All she ever wanted was to get to the top and be the best. Whenever we would get are tests back, she would gloat about all the 100s she got, making my 98s feel as pathetic as a crumpled, dried flower.

But perhaps it was my fault, because I let her do that to me. Tina saw a lonely target to crush on her way up, and I allowed her to take that step. If it weren't for my stupid wishes and feelings, I would have never have became friends with her, and maybe I would be ok.

I vowed then and there that I would never let Tina, or any other person treat me that way. I decided to still be friendly with Tina, because the fact that I knew her true intentions, gave me power over her. Power to decided how our future would be.

After we graduated, Tina going off to a prestige university, and I going away to law school, I never bothered to answer her phone calls. It was easy, since they never came in.

Over the years, whenever I think about our friendship, I wonder if there was something different that could have happened, enough to changed the ending of this Used To Be. But even if there was, I don't think I would change a thing. the story helped me realize how to be a better person and friend. I also realized how much pain and suffering can come when experiencing lost. At the end of the day, Tina and I were friends, best friends. But now? we are just two women, living extremely different lives, who used to be.