Love + Coffee

The café was busier than normal today, a harsh breeze forced its way into the room every time the door swung open to allow another person to escape the cold.

I sighed as I looked back down at my book wondering to myself as to why I constantly looked up when the bell would ring it was only announcing the door had been opened again. As if the cold wasn’t warning enough. It’s not like someone was coming in for me, there really was no reason for me to look up other than to see who it was that was causing the breeze that slid up my pant legs and caused chills to spur up my body.

I shifted my legs and leaned back in my chair content with having my head lowered in this book that no longer held my interest and sipping my coffee that was growing colder.

This time though when the bell dinged, I opted to look out the window, setting my book down on the table and grabbing my Luke-warm coffee with both hands. This time I wouldn’t look at who came in through the door, this time I would just concentrate on the traffic slowly passing by the large window. I would look at the outlines of the name of the café that swirled in a beautiful pattern on the window. I wouldn’t look to see who walked through the door.

His voice was deep when he ordered, and he laughed slightly as he worked his way through the name of the drink.

It must not be something he orders often, a suggestion from a friend maybe. Or maybe something for his wife? Yes, that must be it. I thought as I continued to stare through the glass.  

My face flushed slightly at the sound of his laugh, and I tried to breathe it away without looking in his direction, but curiosity made me turn my head slightly and mistakenly I made direct eye contact with him.

I quickly turned away and set my drink down with a thud, fumbling, I grabbed my book pretending to be reemerged in the story.

“Hello.” His voice said as he stood at my table looking down at me. I looked up slowly and replied, “Hmm?” As if I did not hear him properly.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked and when I didn’t immediately answer he continued, “The café is quite full, and I wondered if I could sit here and wait for a bit. I ordered you see but there’s a line of people already waiting by the counter.” He shuffled his backpack from one shoulder to the other and gestured toward the line of angry patrons that were huffing and puffing in a rush to leave immediately after ordering their drinks, his soft smile gave me pause and I nodded as I replied, “Oh um… of course, I mean, no the seats not taken, umm yes, you can sit here.” My words strung together like broken cords and my face flushed to an even deeper shade of red than before.

Deep breaths, I told myself as I tried to control my heart rate. Calm yourself. You are safe. You are okay. I repeated the mantra to myself as I continued to pretend to read.

“Do you come here often?” He asked.

Great, I thought as I took one more deep breath before responding, he’s a talker.

“Yes, it’s usually not this busy though.” I replied slowly trying to make sure I didn’t speak so incoherently this time.

“Hmmm…” He replied looking down at his hands. No cell phone out and no ring. I caught myself sizing him up while he looked away.

“Do you come here a lot also?” I asked, realizing he probably asked me that because he’s never been here, and my question was going to sound off putting.

He shook his head no as a smile began forming across his face causing little lines to pop up and crease by his eyes.

I noticed his eyes were kind, a deep brown with gold flecks around the edges and just a hint of green.

“No, I really don’t drink coffee to be honest a friend of mine mentioned they had good breakfast options but when I got here, I realized there wasn’t a breakfast menu and so I just looked at the sign and ordered the first thing I saw.” He continued, his cheeks turning crimson the smile still beaming across his face.

“Oh, yea they only do breakfast on the weekends, but it is really good.” As I replied I could see the hint of my smile reflecting in his eyes.

The barista walked up to him with his large drink and apologized for the wait. The mumbling of other patrons who had just come in made it clear that they were taking longer than normal to get the drinks out.

He thanked her and turned towards me lifting the lid to his cup to try and smell what he had ordered. The roasted coffee scent was mixing in the air with the too sweet scent of liquid sugars and thick cream.

“Wow, that smells very sweet.” He said grimacing at the cup before starting to take a small sip. The steam rose up and around his face in hazy swirls that made me want to see his eyes make contact with mine again.

As the cup touched his lips, I could feel my heart start to beat faster and my palms began to heat up and sweat.

“STOP!” I screamed as I jumped up from the table and slammed my hand on the book in front of me. A stream of gold light flew from my hand and forward into the crowd of the café and towards the back ends of the building. The world outside kept moving but every person in this tiny part of my world was frozen. The cups steam was still and unmoving in the air, the disgruntled people waiting for their coffee were stuck with the look of displeasure, and the sweat around the baristas forehead stood still their hands motionless but seemingly still in the midst of making espresso.

“Crap.” I said, trying to gather my thoughts and put my book into my old leather bag that hung on the back of my chair.

“I told you no more, so no more, no more falling in love with strangers, no more interacting with them. This is why we don’t look up when people walk in. This is why we only go to empty shops and read!” I yelled to myself as I tried to push down old memories the same way I was shoving my book into my bag.

 “Just walk out, walk away before you get too attached or he just thinks you’re some kind of freak and he breaks your heart. It’s better this way. You won’t have to explain anything if you just walk away now.” I took a deep breath to calm myself and to keep from blowing them all into particles.

I started towards the door but paused and turned around for one last look. I walked back to him and ran my hand around his face and touched his hair gently and then kissed his frozen cheek.

“You will remember nothing about me, but I will think of you often.” I said as I turned and walked away again. Time is an infinite loop of decisions and choices just like this, but no, no, not for me, I will stop this before it even starts.

I swung the door open letting in a strong cold breeze and as the air flowed through the door frame the room came back to life. Looking over my shoulder I saw his eyes open and smile fade as he stopped midsentence realizing I was suddenly gone. I walked out the door and ran across the street, I felt his eyes on me the entire time and my heart dropped into my stomach as the warm tears fell down my cold face.

“Never again.” I said as I began to run.