Para Siempre

“What do you mean you can’t find Laura?” I asked Papi, feeling the pit in my stomach I had been trying to avoid all morning widen. No amount of videos of Snicker high on catnip could seem to calm me down.

“Exactly that, sweetie. Darlene, Zaimara, and Ming have been running around for the better part of an hour. None of them have found her yet. Even Matt and his groomsmen have been looking for her.” The wrinkled on his tan face tightened as he shook his head.

“Why am I just now finding this out? ” I paced the floor of the rectory library, my veil flowing around me each time I turned to repeat my steps. 

  “We didn’t want to worry you, Mija.” The disappointment on his face told me everything I needed to know. Mom had left again. It was my wedding day and my mom had abandoned me again. After almost two years of trying to rebuild our relationship, two years of her promising that she’d be there for me, she was leaving Zaimara and me again. I felt a tear streak down my made-up face, cursing as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

“Rosa, I’m so sorry,” Papi leaned in and held me.

In his arms I knew I was safe, I knew I was loved, I knew I was enough. He was always there to hold me when I thought I’d fall apart, and I needed to focus on that right now. Laura or no Laura, I was marrying the man of my dreams. I’d be starting my own family, one without her, and I needed to focus on that. 

“Papi,” I whispered into his ear, “it’s fine. Well, not really, but it will be.” I looked up at his worn face and down to his suit, putting my finger on his chest and pointing to his heart, “you’re here. Matt’s here. Zaimara is here. Everyone who matters is here.” 

I stepped away from his grasp and took a breath. It was going to be okay, it had to be. 

“Go get everyone ready, I’m going to go find Matt,” I gave him a look, stopping him from what he was about to say, “and don’t give me any of that bullshit. Not seeing the bride before the wedding is sexist and rooted in when men would steal women and force their hand in marriage. I need to see Matt, just because we’re getting married doesn’t mean he stops being my best friend. I need to vent for a minute.”

“Okay, Rosa.” He leaned down and gave me a kiss on my forehead. “I love you.”

“Para siempre. I know the deal” I gave him a small smile and headed upstairs to where Matt and his friends were getting ready. He had to go back to his prep room before we started, so it was my best shot at finding him before the wedding started. I almost laughed remembering how everyone told me that a short dress would be too casual for a wedding, if only they knew the shitshow that was going on right now.

As I made my way to the prep room at the end of the hall I started to hear voices. At least someone was enjoying this morning. And from the sound of everything they were getting hot and heavy. Voyeurism isn’t my thing, but thinking about who it was made me excited. Was it Zaimara and Ted? Ming and Johan? It couldn’t have been Darlene and Lilly, one of the voices sounded masculine. Did one of Matt’s guys sneak off? I wouldn’t put it against Leslie, in fact I hoped it was him. 

I found the door to the room the noise was coming from and slowly turned the knob, pushing lightly so I could peek without getting caught right away. From the looks of the room, it was a study. A huge cross was on the wall above a large oak desk, and on the desk were two people making out. The guy wore a black suit and was leaning down, meeting the woman on the desk. When he finally broke away I could see her face. It was Laura.

I don’t know what possessed me to open the door, but soon enough I was in the study behind the man making out with my mother. I lifted a hand and tapped on his shoulder. “Can you tell me what the Hell you’re doing with my mother?” I asked calmly.

The man broke apart from Laura and looked at me. Time stopped ticking as I looked into the familiar face of the man I was supposed to marry in less than twenty minutes, the man who had been my best friend since middle school, the one who promised he would take care of me and my family for the rest of our lives. As I looked at him and then at Laura, who was trying to fix her hair and tuck it behind her ear I felt like I was witnessing my life from the outside.

I wasn’t the one experiencing this. I couldn’t be. Some other girl who looked like me was there, standing in front of her absentee mother and fiance. Some other girl was speechless, staring and waiting for any explanation besides the obvious. Some other girl was feeling a coppery taste settle in her mouth as all the anxiety in her body finally overflowed, causing her to collapse on the floor in pain. 

“Ro,” Matt begged, “Ro, listen. Look at me.”

I stared at the floor in front of me, the old wood was rough and chipping right where the bottom of the desk rested on the floor. I wondered how long it had held up before it finally started breaking apart. Saint Cecelia’s was relatively new for a church, but the rectory had been there since before the old church burnt down in the nineties. Hundreds, if not thousands of couples had gotten ready for their weddings in the small house that served as the office of the church. She had to have been the first person who was cheated on in the building, and if not at least the first sheathed on with her mother.

“Rosa,” Laura stammered “I’m sorry. I didn’t. I mean—”

I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. It flowed out of me as if I were hit with one of the Joker’s laughing gas death dart things from the Batman cartoons Papi used to watch with Zaimara and me when we were kids. I could feel a steady stream of tears making their way down my cheeks, the salt burning my skin even through the layers of makeup Ming plastered on my face. At this point it didn’t matter, not anymore. 

“Ro, please. Let me—” Matt came forward and lightly touched my arm. The light pressure sent me over the edge.

“No!” I screamed and recoiled from his touch. “Don’t!”

Matt stepped back, then took a step forward again before Laura stopped him.

I let out a desperate, pained scream. “Somebody, anybody, help! My God,” I let out a choked breath, “somebody!”

Matt and Laura stood in place, looking at me like I was a feral cat who could pounce on them at any second. Their silence amplified the footsteps making their way toward the room. Not one person, but a group of people was coming to rescue me from this nightmare I couldn’t seem to find the energy to escape from. One by one the group made their way into the room.

“Rosa!” Papi leaned down in front of me. “Rosa, what’s wrong.” He looked at Matt and Laura, frozen in their spots by the desk.

“Matt, what’s wrong? Laura, where have you been? Why is Rosa crying?” Papi wrapped his arms around me and for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel safe in them. 

“Ro,” Zaimara moved from her place at the entrance to the office and pushed past Ted, Leslie, Sister Sylvia, and Father Cooper. Kneeling behind me she whispered in my ear. “¿Qué pasó? Dime.”

“Se besaron. Laura y Matt besaron,” I whispered in my sister’s ear. 

Papi stirred and let go of me. He began walking toward Laura and Matt and before anyone could realize what was going on he punched Matt in the face. As he pulled back to release another punch he was restrained. Ted and Leslie both held an arm as Father Cooper said something about forgiveness and how anger is momentary. Papi just fought back and threatened Matt in Spanish as the guys dragged him out into the hallway.

Zaimara walked up to Matt and Laura. If she started swinging they’d have to call for backup because I doubted a nun and priest in their sixties would be able to hold her back. She looked at Matt and shook her head, then she looked at Laura. 

“I wanna say that this is beneath you, Laura, but it’s not. You’ve never given a shit about Rosa, or me, or Papi. It’s all about you,” she shook her head. “I told her not to get her hopes up, but you’re good. You’re real fucking good. You even got me to believe you care.”

“Z. Please, I didn’t mean to,” hearing Laura’s voice made me want to puke. 

“I don’t care what you meant to do. You’ve fucked us over our entire lives. And now it looks like you’re done fucking us over and want to try fucking our boyfriends.”

“We didn’t, we only kissed,” Matt said.

“Shut up,” Z told him. “I don’t give a shit. You mess with my sister and you mess with me. Something like this is to be expected of her, but I thought better of you.”

“Z,” I piped in from my spot on the floor, “I want to leave. I can’t… I just can’t.”

A sense of numbness had settled throughout my entire body. I just wanted to go home. If the wedding was a bust at least I could go home and cry into Snicker’s fur. I stood up and Zaimara came to my side, holding onto me. Looking at Laura and Matt I sighed and shook my head.

“Tell everyone the reception is paid for. Do whatever you want, I don’t care. I’m getting Snicker and bringing her with me to Z and Ted’s house. I’ll be back in two days and you better be gone.” Looking at my sister I took a step forward. I wasn’t okay and she knew it. 

I wouldn’t be okay for a while, but Z and Papi would be there for me. They were all I needed. Para siempre.