Sick and Tired

“I can’t sleep.” I mumble.

Yet again as the moon rises higher in the sky, I am wide awake. Nothing new really, just another sleepless night. Seems like after I was forced into this institute, I just can’t find any way to calm my mind. I mean there are other reasons but that is the easiest one to explain. My room was nice and has enough room to spread out and feel like home, but it wasn’t home.

I was able to free roam as needed, so tonight I decided it would be nice to take a walk. I saw a few others in the main hall but for the most part we ignore each other. I made my way to the grounds, the only outdoor area we were allowed to explore. The full moon’s glow made everything outside seem magical. I sighed; my eyes swept over the gully full of the bodies of others that just couldn’t pass the test. The heat that rose was like a furnace but there was no smell- mostly because once the body was ready to let go it just turned to ash (even if it took years to do so). But that wasn’t why I couldn’t sleep; you grow use to the sound of screams after a few years.

I remembered my life before all of this, it seemed normal if not boring at the time. I worked in retail for way too long, I hated my job, my house, my car, and my negative bank account balance- what I would give to have all of that back. The day I was taken here there was an accident, a big rig t-boned my tiny car, and I was so far beyond dead that the paramedics didn’t even bother to remove me from the car. So that is where I woke up, in my tiny car, covered in blood and confused. It wasn’t until I managed to dislodge myself that I realized I should be dead by the looks and screams of the bystanders- I wonder if there is a video of it on YouTube? Anyways, I guess I passed out because when I woke up, I was in this institute and random lab coat people were staring at me. That is when it all began- the killing.

Now I know what you are thinking, killing? How can there be killing without police and investigations and blah blah blah… well money can buy anything including privacy. The first time I was taken into a room with a pool that was full of bodies, the water was a brown green with red mixed in for color. Of course, I was horrified and as I turned to the lab coat that brought me in there ‘BAM’ shotgun shells straight to the chest. Let me tell you, being shot is not the fun experience that Hollywood makes it out to be. I was ‘dead’ within seconds I assumed because I woke up in the pool of human filth and screamed as I clawed my way out. The lab coat nodded and walked out of the room as I threw up and shuttered on the floor. Aw the good ol’ days, back when death still fazed me. Can you believe I was afraid of dying? Crazy thoughts, I know but anyways that was the start of a long string of terrible, maiming deaths that I had to endure for ‘science’. Long falls with a sudden stop, drowning, sharp objects, dull objects, fire, ice, animals (all shapes and sizes) and of course more gun shots to all parts of my body and I came back from all of it. In fact, I even heard that I was the ‘top subject’.

If you couldn’t guess the downside was all the pain, I mean normally when you endure such deadly interactions you are rewarded with a nice eternal slumber. Not me, sure when I woke up, I was fine and, in most cases, healthier than prior to the death blow but there was always another way to die. Good thing I am a fan of horror movies because I was living in one but the ‘villains’ were not as cool. The lab coats were boring, they never really spoke and never made any expression no matter what happened. I thought I saw one smile once, but I think they were just trying not to sneeze.

Back to tonight, it was beautiful outside, I had a spot that I would always go to sit and think. I had gone through most of the stages of grief or whatever it’s called. I thought I was dreaming, I cried for days, I tried to stab everyone, I begged to be let go and finally just gave up knowing I will be stuck here until I end up like the bodies in the gully. One of the lab coats had tried to talk to me the last few years and I guess that was nice. Tonight, however the coats had some sort of mandatory meeting, so I was left in solitude. Funny thing about constant torture and lack of sleep, it kinda messes with your thoughts of right and wrong. Over the years I noticed that every time I was murdered, I got stronger, not physically but like whatever was bringing me back to life was becoming more powerful. Now I might have failed to mention this when we had our weekly “feelings” sessions because I mean they really didn’t ask.

The moon had just hit its highest point in the sky, it was truly beautiful and if I was able to die, I don’t see why tonight wouldn’t be the perfect one to call it quits. Now I know what you are thinking, what about the other hostages? Come on, we both know they won’t die- for good. Besides, the mandatory meeting makes them easy to destroy all at the same time. I can feel as the fire rises in my body, time to make my move. I couldn’t have planned this better, right as I get to the door, they were standing up walking to the exit. The door I happen to be waiting at, and wouldn’t you know my ‘friend’ lab coat comes out first. Too little too late he screams as the fire that I have contained inside of me for years and years explodes into the room. I must tell you; it feels good like really good to finally show them what I really am. Here they think that they are just making me immortal to help with disease, but what they really did was create a type of super ‘human’. Not great for humanity if you ask me but they never did- remember?

Now I got to say the world has changed quite a bit, I mean these new cell phones and sophisticated computers! Wow, I have missed out on so much- and the crazy thing (besides me) is that the government facility reported everyone was a fatality. That means, you guessed it, I don’t exist! I can’t wait to start my new life, make new friends, enjoy all my new hobbies, and get everything I ever wanted. After all, it’s been damn near 20 years, and I look as young as the day I was taken. I could use my looks to my advantage or well I am sure I could figure out other ways. If I can get some rest, I think I will be fine. I mean I was not a violent person ever; in fact, I was a people pleaser! But man, the only problem is- ‘I can’t sleep.’