That was Then, This is Now

|February 23|

The door creaked open ever so gently as his body moved through the wooden frame. Hours and hours have passed. Days have turned into night. He knew that she would be asleep by now; she always was. After freeing his keys from the lock, he stepped further in and removed his shoes, placing them neatly on the nearby shoe-rack. Noticing a light from the kitchen, he made his way there with a warm feeling filling his chest. Sitting in the middle of the table was a plate just for him with a small note on the side.

Went to bed early. Reheat for 2 minutes. Love you!

He smiled at the note and picked up the plate, tossing it quickly into the microwave and heading towards their shared room for a quick change of clothes. With his hand on the doorknob, he hesitated. What if he woke her? Well, he couldn’t just wait out here forever. He held his breath as he ever so gently twisted the handle and let himself in. The dim light from the hallway entered the dark room in a narrow stream, illuminating just a sliver of the place he felt most at home.

“Darling?” a small sweet voice called out from the soft confines of the blankets.

“Sorry to wake you. Go back to sleep. I’ll join you in a bit,” he replied with a smile despite knowing she couldn’t see his face. He felt at ease at with her and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

|May 13|

           She waited in the small café at a table for two as she watched people walk by the large window. She had always loved this café. The colors, atmosphere, books, music, and people were just perfect. Everything was perfect. Her sweet latte sat in front of her with her hands gently cupping the item carefully. Although the sun was beaming brightly today, there was still a slight chill in the air. Just then, she caught sight of him—the love of her life. A smile formed on her face and a slight chuckle escaped her lips as she watched him frantically run in and scan the room for her. She waved her hand in the air and the whole room seemed to light up from the goofy grin that formed on his face. He lightly jogged over to her as she stood up, quickly by passing the row of baristas. He picked her up with ease, spinning her around as he held her close for good measure. She giggled into his embrace and sat back down once he let her go, her heart still racing.

“Sorry I’m late,” he apologized, hands pressed together, eyes shut closed, as he slightly bowed to her. She shook her head in response.

“Don’t worry about it. I know you’re busy. Lots of work at the company, huh?” she asked, reaching out to hold his hand. He sighed and nodded, looking deep into her eyes.

“I wish I could just spend all my time with you instead,” he replied, taking her hand into his and placing a soft kiss on her knuckles.

She felt at ease with him and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

|August 29|

           Her heart raced as the waiter came up to her once again.

“Can I get you anything else while you wait?” he asked for the third time that hour. She shook her head, barely able to keep eye contact from the embarrassment. Pulling out her phone for what seems like the hundredth time that night, she took in the time. 9:28 PM. He was supposed to be here by 8:00.

The table felt cold despite the lit candle that sat in the middle. She watched the flame dance a bit before sighing and glancing at the door. A few roses sat next to the fire and the empty plates filled the table, illuminated with the faintest hint of red. Her wine was starting to run low in her cup yet again, as her fingers traced the hard glass.

With a final swig of the liquor, she called for the waiter and was about to ask for the check when she saw him stumble in hurriedly.

“Sorry I’m late!” he called out as he made his way to the table.

“Darling our reservation was well over an hour ago,” she stated.

“I know. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t get out of work,” he pleaded, taking a seat.

She sighed as he apologized some more. Well at least he was here now, and they can finally eat.

“Yes, Ma’am?” said the waiter. She looked over at her love and then back at the waiter.

“We would like to order now,” she said, now with a smile. Once they placed their orders and their waiter rushed off to the back, she turned back to him.

“You really got to work on being on time. It’s been well over two years like this,” said she.

“I’ve been working on it. I promise I’ll do better from now on,” he immediately replied, trying hard to make it up to her.

“…Okay… As long as you’re working on it,” she replied, a small smile forming on her face. He beamed back at her, knowing that she was his everything.

|December 24|

           “I’m sure he’ll be here any minute now. He’s been really busy at work with the holidays and everything,” she said sheepishly to the other guests. “Why don’t we go ahead and eat first. He will join us when he gets here. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind,” she continued, feeling apologetic for making the others wait.

           “Don’t mind if I do!” her brother said as he reached out for some food. The others began picking up their utensils as well, enjoying the large feast.

           “Is he always this late?” her mother asked calmly.

           She was quick to shake her head but her voice obviously betrayed her. “N-no. He’s been pretty good about being on time for stuff like this… It’s..it’s just the holidays…they get busy…and…uhm…yeah…” she attempted to defend him. Her mother responded with a low hum but changed the topic.

           Dinner came and went. And late into the night, her phone lit up with his name and picture illuminating the screen.

           “Hey, sorry. I’m on my way. I’m almost there,” he said through the small device. She made her way out of the room that was full of family and friends and out onto the porch. The snow had been gently floating down and looking ever so beautiful, but she couldn’t find it in herself to feel any joy or awe.

           “Don’t bother. Just go home. I’m leaving soon anyway,” she said into the phone, obviously disappointed. There was a short pause from the other end of the line.

           “Then why didn’t you tell me earlier? I’m literally almost there,” he stated, annoyance clear in his voice.

           “Well no one asked you to be late. Again. You didn’t even bother to shoot me a text to say you were going to be this late, let alone late at all!”

           “I was working! It’s not a big deal that I’m just a little late. I-”

           “A LITTLE late?! Are you serious? We were supposed to walk in TOGETHER at 6:00pm. It’s almost 10pm! We waited for you before dinner and waited for you some more after!”

           “Really? You’re putting this on me? You think I control my work schedule? I do what I do to keep us living comfortably and you-”

           “It is Christmas Eve. We had planned this way in advance. Why couldn’t you just show up on time for once in your life?! I had to sit in there with all the other families and talk about family things like how well they’re doing and how their kids are growing up so fast and-”

           “We’re not even married like they are so why does it even matter that-”

           “I cannot believe this. Go home. Don’t even think about coming here. I’m staying the night,” she said at almost a whisper, feeling utterly defeated. She ended the call and made her way back into the house with a fake smile plastered on her face.

           “Hey, he can’t make it tonight. The traffic is bad out there with the snow,” she lied to the others. She glanced at the door one final time, thinking about how this will blow over soon. Afterall, he was her everything, wasn’t he?

|March 26|

           “If you’re going to come home this late why don’t you just not come back at all?!” she shouted, voice rising.

“Well EXCUSE ME for having ACTUAL work to do!” he retorted, shouting with just as much power and anger.

“I checked with your co-workers and they said you left well before 10pm! It does NOT take 6 hours to get home! I just don’t und-”

“What the hell?! You’re keeping tabs on me?! Do you not trust me?!”

“I was getting worried! What else could I do when you don’t tell me anything! Especially tonight!”

“So now I have to tell you everything I do. Every little detail. Unbelievable!”

“That’s not what I’m asking of you. I just-”

“You just what?! I have more than enough stress from the company and I don’t need any more from you!”

“Look, I have given you your space. I have been encouraging, understanding, and patient. But you staying out THIS late, and even coming home drunk on some occasions, without telling me a single thing…ignoring me for days…I’m at my wits end!”

“Encouraging? Understanding? Patient?! YOU?! HA! Ignoring you was my only option. I couldn’t take your constant nagging! All you did was bother me while-”

“I don’t nag you!”

“You do! Just ask my friends! Oh wait! You probably nag them too! Since you’re making them tell you every little thing I do!”

“For the past months I have let you do what you want. We had AGREED to this one night! ONE NIGHT! And you show up at four freaking AM?!”

“Why don’t you understand that I was busy!?”

“We made plans for today ages ago!” she screamed, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“What’s even so special about-” he started but was stopped by his own thoughts. Everything seemed to stand still, even if it was just for a moment.

“Get out,” she mumbled.

“What?”

“Get out! If I’m such a bother and a nuisance in your life, then get out right now! I want nothing to do with you! Get out of here and get out of my life!”

“You know what?! FINE. I WILL. I never loved you anyways!” he screamed as he grabbed the jacket he had tossed onto the couch just moments after stepping into the place he had called home.

The door slammed shut so hard that the weak wooden frame rattled from the force. She stood there in utter shock from taking such a strong blow. Tears blurred her vision as her cries drowned out the silence.

“Happy fucking four-year anniversary,” she sobbed softly between breaths.

He had heard it all. He had hesitated on their front porch with his hand still on the doorknob. Realizing what had just happened, he released the knob and turned to look at the empty streets. Anger still ran through his veins as he remembered things she had said– things he had said.

What was he to do now?

|June 08|

The soft piercing sound of the white porcelain cup added to the sounds that filled their once favorite room. She brought her other hand to the cup as well, fingers gently tracing the design as the cup rests on the surface. His hand sat on the table as his fingers drummed against a cup of his own. He glanced up at her, not knowing what to say– or to even speak at all. Her eyes were locked onto the fragile item in her hands, glistening. The café they had adored, usually full of warmth, was now cold as ice.

The hair that usually gently framed her face was now tucked behind her ear. It had only been now that he noticed these small changes. Why hadn’t he noticed before? Were her eyes always this sad? Was her frame always this small? ….Was she always this unhappy?

With a clear of her throat, he snapped out of his thoughts.

 “I…I understand,” he said, finally speaking up.

“Then…I guess this is it…” she replied, her voice softer than he was ever used to. He watched as she grabbed her small bag and stand up from her seat. Automatically, he stood up as well. His body had been used to leaving as a pair even though they never arrived together. He awkwardly stood there as she gathered her things from the table that stood between them, knowing it would be even more awkward if he sat back down only to stand back up to leave. She took a few steps towards the door behind him. Her perfume that trailed behind her as she passed him reminded him of home. Has she always smelled this nice? 

Now with her hand on the door, she paused and looked at the man she used to call hers. With eyes brimming with tears, she let out a small breath. “Goodbye.”

           He offered a small nod and a slight bow in reply, with his right hand moving up but not quite reaching the height of his shoulders, knowing better than to trust his own voice. Was she always this sweet? This nice? This beautiful?

As the door swung closed behind her, he let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“Goodbye…”

And just like that, he had watched the love of his life walk right out. It was now that he noticed all the little things about her– but now was too late.