Testing Love

My father hated my boyfriend.

Said Ryan Hotchkiss didn't deserve me. That I came from a family with an impeccable reputation.

And that Ryan's family was tainted. When I asked why he didn't answer. How did he expect me to listen to him when he gave me no reasons to?

It didn't help that I fought with Ryan this afternoon. Who could blame me? After all, he had the reputation of a player. A heartbreaker. Maybe my father had a point.

Truth is, I kept waiting for the moment he left me for someone more adventurous. More fun. Instead of being with someone with lots of insecurities.

I pursed my lips. 

My thoughts didn't help.

I dropped to the floor, hugging my knees. I loved Ryan Hotchkiss. A lot. And in moments like this, when my mind battled with my heart, it hurt to love him.

Because losing Ryan would destroy me. He was my other half. I needed him.

And I didn't trust him.

It was the reason we fought.

My distrust in him made me a jealous girlfriend who refused to listen. At the time, Ryan shook his head, disappointed, and walked away. I knew I had to fix what I broke, but I stood in the school's empty parking lot.

And I let him drive away. 

Tears danced in my eyes as I remembered.

Because Ryan never gave me reasons to doubt him. Did I lose him for good? My stomach tightened just thinking about it. Why did I have to ruin it?

My mother said I ruined it all. She said her life was perfect until I came along. Then she died, and nothing could erase those words from my mind or the impact they had in my life. 

Of course, my grandmother and father said to forget about what she said. But it seemed like an impossible task. The damage was done. Just like the damage I did to my relationship with Ryan.

If we still had one.

Resting my head on my bed, I stared at the ceiling. My mind going a mile a minute. What did I do now? I had to fix my relationship with Ryan. And reason kept trying to talk me out of it. That it was better that way.

Grabbing my phone, I sent him a text.

Me: Can we talk?

A moment later, my phone vibrated.

Ryan: Always, beautiful.

Me: Are you home? I'd like to talk in person.

A few minutes passed, and with every minute, my anxiety grew. I bit my nails. One horrible habit I had trouble getting rid of.

After waiting forever, a text came. I took a deep, calming breath before I read it.

Ryan: I'm at James' bonfire. I can go and pick you up.

Was he for real? He partied while I grew myself sick with regret and worry. Deep down, I knew I had it all wrong. But no one changed overnight, right? 

And I needed to work on my jealousy.

Me: We fight and you go to a party? Are you serious? I feel like crap while you go have fun with who knows who. Nice, Ryan.

I pressed Send before I thought better of it.  I even added an angry emoji at the end. I closed my eyes. There I went again. Ruining it all.

Me: I'm sorry.

I sent the text before Ryan answered.

Ryan: So am I.

I frowned. What did that mean? His text confused me more than my irrational actions.

Though I blamed it on my future step-mother for telling me there was no way Ryan loved someone like me and not her daughter, Angela.

But in the end, the blame belonged to me. I let other people's words affect me and have all that power over me. It had to stop.

Now that I thought about it, my father had terrible taste in women. Maybe they were rubbing off on me. How horrible.

Getting up from the floor, I walked the short distance to my bathroom. I needed to get presentable and go then go in search of Ryan. Sounded like a plan to me.

I'd just crossed the threshold when someone slammed the door closed.

A sense of dread fell over me when I heard the lock. I rushed to the door. "No, no, no," I said as I tried in vain to open the door. 

A moment later, the smell of smoke assaulted my nose. That and a heavy dose of vanilla. Which meant one thing. "Emma? I know you're there." 

Emma Reed was my father's girlfriend. I suspected she bathed on vanilla scent every day. However, that didn't matter right now.

I tried the door again. Nothing. "Emma. Please open the door!"

She laughed. The sound sent a chill through my body. This was bad. My hands started to shake. Looking around, I searched for a way out.

"That I can't do, Phoebe. Your daddy wants to break up with me? Fine. But first, I'll take something from him. We'll see if he likes how it feels to be robbed of something you love," she said, her voice cold and excited at the same time.

So, this is the real her, I thought.

Emma loved money and status. My father had both. Now that they broke up, she could no longer have them. I got why she lost it. "Emma! You can't leave me in here."

"Yes, I can. And I will. Bye-bye, little Phoebe."

Dread washed over me when I heard the door to my room closed with a soft click.

Not long after, the air grew thicker. I coughed as I fought to find a way out. Smoke started to fill the bathroom in slow motion. Emma set fire to my home, didn't she?

I felt the tentacles of panic starting to choke me. Jumping from the window didn't seem that bad of an idea compared to burning in here.

Then I heard him. Tears of happiness spilled from my eyes. "Phoebe!" Ryan said again.

"In here!" I hit the door.

I took my scarf and covered my mouth and nose when the smoke threatened to fill the room.

In seconds or minutes, Ryan threw the door open. Dressed all in black and his jaw set in a firm line, he looked like my personal fallen angel.

One sent to save me.

"Are you okay?" his worried eyes searched for any injuries.

I shook my head. My lungs felt like they had little air to function. I coughed. "Take me out of here."

"Come on." Ryan pulled me to his side and guided me outside.

We took the longest way through the house since everywhere we went, we encountered fire and smoke. 

On our way out, we saw Emma's daughter rushed outside. Since they almost lived here, Angela came to the house all the time.

I doubted she knew about Angela's presence. Whatever. Once outside, I thanked my lucky stars Ryan got us out before something terrible happened.

In Ryan's comforting arms, I watched as the firefighters put the fire out. My father arrived minutes later. When I saw how much of a mess he was, I smiled.

The men in my life loved me, didn't they? I had to start to treat them better.

"Phoebe. Thank god you're okay." my father wrapped me in a bear hug as he told me how scared he was of losing me.

"I'm fine."

"I can't lose you, sweetheart. I can't."

Now, after spending one night in the hospital, my father and I were staying at his apartment downtown. The one he used when he worked late.

Emma Reed came close to destroying our home. My father said it'd be a while before we went back. I was just happy to be alive.

From where I saw it, she deserved what was coming to her. "You need to pick better women," I said.

My father grimaced. Exhaustion made him look older. I hated it. "Believe me, I know," he said, running a hand through his messy hair. 

"You also need a shower and some sleep."

"I look that awful, huh?" I nodded. He glanced at Ryan. He stood in the other room talking on the phone. "Maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe he isn't like his poor excuse of a father after all."

I gave him a huge smile. "I assure you he's not."

"We'll see." With one last look in Ryan's direction, he left the kitchen.

Ryan and I hadn't talked about our issues. But it had to happen soon or I'd go insane. "How you're feeling?" Ryan said, his concern and love for me reflected in his electric blue eyes.

I swallowed the knot in my throat. I had to do this. "I'm good, Ryan." I held the mug with my tea a little too hard. "Listen, I'm sorry for picking fights just because. I don't know what came over me." I forced myself to keep my eyes on his.

Ryan sat in the chair closest to mine. That brought hope to my anxious heart. "I know I have a questionable reputation, Phoebe Holt. But I swear, what I feel for you won't ever go away. I love you."

"But-"

"Phoebe."

He reached out and laced our fingers. The second our skin touched, everything felt right in the world. Ryan shifted in his seat.

"I dated all those girls not because I wanted to hurt them or use them. I did it because I was searching for the one girl who made me feel complete. The one girl who helped me chase away the loneliness I felt inside me."

My heart cried at knowing he felt that way before we met. "I didn't know." 

"Phoebe, you're my missing piece, and I love you more than words can express."

Tears slid down my cheeks. I did nothing to stop them. "I love you too, Ryan. So much it makes me crazy."

"That's good."

His lips touched mine in a sweet caress, making me sigh with happiness. I had no idea what awaited us, but for now, I decided to hold on to this moment and enjoy it.

 "Does this mean you forgive me for being a terrible girlfriend?

He pulled me closer. "Hmm... we'll see."

I pouted, leaning into him. "I'm serious, Ryan."

He kissed my jaw. "There's nothing to forgive." He kissed the corner of my mouth before claiming my lips again.

Of course, I kissed him back.