DID YOU MAKE IT TO THE MILKY WAY

DID YOU MAKE IT TO THE MILKY WAY?

TIERRA:

Why did I allow Halley to convince me to meet this guy? Now, I’m stuck here outside the Galaxy Bar on a Friday night – freezing my butt off. 

A few days ago, my friend, Halley Tolymie – a science teacher from the Newton High School – asked me if I’d like to go on a blind date. Naturally, I declined – after all, set-ups like that never work out! However, when she casually added that the thirty-one-year-old guy was “tall, gorgeous and incredibly interesting,” I asked her where he worked.

“I believe he said he’s an astrophysicist at the Space Science Institute…,” she had said, then added, “He’s here in New York to do some work at the Hayden Planetarium.”

“Sounds too good to be human," I laughed. "How do you know him?”

“Cosmo sat next to me…”

“Geez, Halley,” I interrupted, “His name is COSMO?”

“Stop that,” she balked. “Cosmo is a perfectly nice name. Anyway, I met him on the plane coming back from my vacation in Bermuda. He’s super cool. In fact, if I wasn’t married, I’d go out with him myself. Besides, a twenty-nine-year-old woman shouldn't be so choosy."

I decided that she was right, so I agreed to go on the blind date. 

And now, here I am, waiting for a guy who’s already late. I check the time again. It’s 10:12. I’m giving him exactly 3 more minutes, then I’m out of here.

COSMO:

I bound up the long stairs of the West 4^th subway station and jet up the street looking for the Galaxy Bar. I can’t believe I’m late. Damn trains…so confusing. What if she’s already left?

When I spot her outside the bar, my concern vanishes immediately. Halley said she was pretty, but this babe's a knockout!

As I get within twenty feet of her, I slow down. My tongue suddenly feels as if it’s stuck to the roof of my mouth and my knees kind of shake as I walk up behind her.

“Um…Rrrzee ew, Tee-ra?” I mumble.

She turns, then squints at me. “Are you talking to me?”

I give her an apologetic (pathetic?) half smile, and say, “Sorry. I meant to speak English. Are you Tierra?”

TIERRA:

I feel my eyes widen as I study him. Jeez, Jackpot! This guy’s a dead ringer for Robert Patterinson – that gorge vampire in those “Twilight” movies. OMG! – Those translucent blue eyes and sexy eyebrows! Even his shaggy, lime green hair suits him.

“Are you Tierra?” he asks again.

“Yes,” I smile. “And you’re…

“Cosmo,” he grins, then says, “Ew zan te gost enshy du baz?”

I narrow my eyes. “Huh?”

He clears his throat. “Par-Pardon me. I meant to say: Do you want to go inside the bar?”

When I nod yes, he puts his hand on my back and guides me towards the door. His strong, but gentle touch makes me lightheaded and giddy.

COSMO:

I lead her inside and then directly to the bar.

“What kind of drink would you like?” I ask her as I stare into her large, earthy brown eyes. Such amazing orbs!

She thinks for a second, then says, “A Manhattan.”

I tell the bartender, “A Manhattan for the city girl and a dirty martini… five olives and no gin for me.”

The mixologist looks at me strangely. "No alcohol?" he says. When I nod, he shrugs, grabs two glasses and gets to work. 

After getting our drinks, we walk over to the vintage jukebox not far from the bar. I watch as Tierra presses a couple of its buttons. 

“Weej sokk dea ew…,” I begin but immediately correct myself. “Which song did you want to hear?”

She shakes her head and smiles, “None. This is an antique. It doesn’t play records.”

I feel my face flush. “Oh, I did…not…realize.”

“No big deal,” Tierra says. “By the way, what language were you speaking before?”

“Gliese.”

“Glee-zuh? Never heard of it.”

“Most humans haven’t,” I continue. “The Glisese 581 Planetary system is in the Libra Constellation. I’m from Gliese 581c. It's informally known as Zarmina, but…”

TIERRA:

What the hell?  

“Slow down, Cosmo,” I interrupt. “You didn’t just tell me that you’re from another planet, did you?”

“Not quite,” he says, “because Zarmina is not really a planet. It’s actually an exoplanet… which means it’s outside the Earth's Solar System.” 

I point to the dirty martini (Martian-tini?) in his hand and scoff, “How many of those did you have before you met me?”

Cosmo stares at his glass for a second, then replies, “Five, but there’s no alcohol in it…just olives and brine.”

I make a sour face. Like I believe that.

“Let me explain,” he says. “Zarminans need a lot of extra sodium for our amplified heart muscle.”

I raise one eyebrow sharply. “Whatever you say, space-boy.”

Cosmo gulps down the brackish liquid inside his glass. I watch as his Adam’s apple rises and falls twice. Then, munching on the olives, he says, “Okay, Tierra, I get it. You don’t believe in aliens.”

“You’re right,” I snap back. When his face grows grim, I smile, “Well, not salty ones anyway.”

I know he's yanking my chain, but he’s so damn adorable that I can’t help playing along with him.  So, I say, “Come on, Cosmo. You’re not telling me you’re ET, are you?”

“Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”

“Fine. Then prove you’re an alien!”

“Let me think how,” he replies.

“How ‘bout levitating yourself or taking me to your flying saucer?” I suggest.

COSMO:

I stay silent for a few moments.  It’s not in my nature to levitate, and I arrived on Earth via teleportation, so - I can't show her any tangible transportation.  Hmm.

Suddenly, I an idea comes to me!

“I GOT IT!” I cry out, and point to the jukebox. “You said this thing isn’t working, right?”

“Right. It’s a relic… from the 60s, I think,” she says, then points to the floor where its electrical cord lies. “See? It’s not even plugged in.”

“Okay, good! Watch this!” I say hardly able to contain my excitement. I take a large breath and close my eyes tightly. Then placing both hands on the front of the antiquated record box, I lean in towards the records. Oh, please let this work. 

As the Tiffany lights in the bar dim, I whisper to her, “Listen.”

TIERRA:

I can’t believe I’m going along with this guy’s malarkey. But DAMN! he’s so hot that I can't help it. 

When I still hear nothing, I decide that the whole thing is preposterous and get ready to exit the bar. It’s then that Cosmo opens his eyes, looks directly at me and begins to sing:

“But tell me

Did you sail across the sun?

Did you make it to the Milky Way…”

My mouth gapes open. His voice is liquid Heaven. He's an Andrea Bocelli vocal-doppelgänger. 

When he finishes, everyone in the bar claps thunderously, and I have tears in my eyes.

“Oh my God!” I cry out, “How did you know that Train’s Drops of Jupiter is my favorite song?!”  Then I reach up and – without thinking – carelessly throw my arms around his neck.

“EPOH!” Cosmo screams hysterically. “EPOH! EPOH! EPOH!” 

I instantly release him. What the hell? I feel my heart pound inside me. “I…I’m so, so s-sorry,” I gasp. “I don’t know why I grabbed you like that.”

When he lets out a huge guffaw, I’m bewildered. 

“It's fine! I'm fine!” he laughs. 

I wrinkle my nose in doubt and look at him again. “You sure?”

“Yes, Tierra,” he nods as he takes my hand and leads me to a booth in the back of the bar. “I hope I did not scare you.”

“Just a little,” I fib as I sit down.

COSMO:

I’m not sure that Tierra is okay, so I say, “Stay here.”

I head to the bar to get her a drink, then return. She takes a couple of sips of her Manhattan and sighs. 

 “Feel better?” I ask.

“Yeah, it’s just that you startled me.”

 I place my hand on hers and explain, “EPOH! in Gliese means I LIKE, VERY MUCH! It’s an involuntary verbal reflex whenever a Zarminan feels something pleasurable.”

“Pleasurable? Ohh, that's nice,” she smiles, then says, “Cosmo, I want to believe you are who you say you are, but I’m a pragmatist, not a dreamer.”

“I know,” I say, “but what if you listened to just a couple of things about Zarmina?”

“Okay, why not?”

“Well, the first off, you should know is that it’s twenty light years away from Earth…”

 Tierra quickly holds up her hand. “Wait! I’ve gotta stop you there,” she interrupts. “This is a little embarrassing, but I never quite understood what light-years are.”

I look at her. Her face is so serious that I lean forward, put my elbow on the table and rest my chin on the palm of my hand. Then with my most patient voice, I say, “Light-years are the same as regular ones…only with less calories.”

At first Tierra looks at me with knitted brows. But then, her eyes twinkle and her mouth breaks into a wide grin.

“Oh,” she giggles. “I get it! You're a comedic spaceman.”

 “I just wanted to see you smile again,” I say…and there was so much truth in that.

When she looks at me again, she says, “That’s sweet of you to say…and you’re really funny…and nice…BUT…”

BUT… how I hate that word! 

 “But what, Tierra?” I ask.

TIERRA:

“But…be honest, Cosmo. You’re not really an alien, are you?” As I stare at him, I can’t help but notice flecks of gold dancing inside his blue eyes.  Totally mesmerizing. 

 Cosmo bends close to my ear and whispers, “Do you wish I was?”

I want to cry out: Yes! Yes, I really do, but instead I just nod.

“Why?”

“Because it would be consoling.”

“How so?”

“I would like to believe that people on Earth are not alone in the universe.”

He reaches over to touch my hand lightly. “I completely understand,” he says.

For some reason, his words excite me. “Do you? Do you really, Cosmo?

He nods, then gives a cockeyed grin. “Besides, I think it’d be a perfect waste of good space if Earth was the only place with life on it.”

“Was that another joke?”

“Just an attempt at one.”

I smile, then gaze around at the roomful of people in the bar and wonder: Do THEY ever worry about being swallowed by great abyss of emptiness? 

“Of course they do,” says Cosmo. “That’s why they drink or do drugs or go to movies or read.”

“Wh-What?” I say, coming out of my own reverie. 

“I was answering you. I believe that other people DO think about utter loneliness…but not consciously...at least not too often.”

“Hold on a moment, Cosmo,” I say. “How did you answer a question that I never spoke aloud?”

Cosmo withdraws his hand from mine and sits up straight. “Are you sure you didn't say it?”

“Yes…No,” I hesitate, then confess, “I don’t think I did.” I narrow my eyes and stare at him. “You’re confusing me.”

“Sorry…but – in a way – aren’t you enjoying the confusion?” Then he gives me a wink that makes me want to melt.

“Yeah, kinda,” I laugh. “So tell me some other things about Zarminans. Like, are you ALL this friendly to us Earthlings?”

“Oh yes. In fact, Zodiac statistics show that we’re the third friendliest planet in the Galaxy.”

“I coulda figured that,” I say looking into his soft eyes.

“In the mood for a nighttime walk?” he asks.

“Absolutely,” I agree as he extends his hand towards mine.  

When we step outside, a blanket of stars seems to cover us. I look up at the magic of nightfall.

“So, tell me what you know about black holes,” I say.

Cosmo turns to face me. “Hmm, black holes,” he smiles. “You’ll mostly find them in black socks, Tierra.” 

I giggle, then loop my arms around my alien spaceman and kiss him directly on the lips!

EPOH! EPHO! EPOH!