Blinding Lights

When I look out at the city lights, I remember just how beautiful New York City can be, and why I moved here in the first place. But then I remember how tragic this city is and what it took from me.

          ...

I’m woken up to Keisha vigorously shaking me and shouting, “Wake up sleepy head! Today’s the big day! Your first day as a model!” she squealed. A couple weeks ago, I came to New York so I could apply to be a model at one of the biggest modeling agencies in New York. Elite Model Management. Ever heard of Heidi Klum or Tyra Banks? Yeah, well, I’ll be walking on the same ground they once did. Once I got the news that the agency wanted me, Keisha decided she was going to move to the city with me. I didn’t have a choice. I push Keisha off of me and laugh as I say, 

“I think you’re more excited than I am.” I tell her to go get ready and meet me by the door in an hour. I head over to the bathroom and examine myself in the mirror.

I was always the prettier sister growing up. Keisha had the brains, I had the beauty. But I’d never expected to be a model before Keisha had suggested the idea. Sure, I had flawless dark brown skin and never had to experience acne. But everyone has some kind of beauty, even if it’s not on the outside. I sigh as I take my brown hair out of its messy bun and watch as it falls perfectly over my shoulders. My life’s going to change after today, I think. People will see my face on a billboard and say hey, that’s Kendra Keys. 

       ...

“Oh my god, Kendra! You look stunning!” Keisha exclaims as she looks at my outfit. I have to admit that even in just my basic blue skinny jeans with a black tank top, I looked impressive. 

“Thanks, Kee. You ready to hit the city?” I say anxiously.

“Oh, you know it! You know, I’ve never ridden on a subway before. While you’re away modeling, I’ve got this tremendous day planned out,” Keisha babbles on excitedly. I nod my head as I lead her to the door of our apartment. One twist of this handle, and our lives will change forever. 

As we get off the subway, Keisha’s rattling on about how that’s an experience she’ll never forget and she can’t believe she’ll get to ride a subway every single day. We walk up the stairs and into the world of New York City. The people hustling around to get to their jobs, the taxi drivers honking, billboards flashing, and I simply just stop, close my eyes and listen to the sounds of the city. 

“Move out of the way!” someone shouts as I get shoved aside. Note to self. Don’t just stand in the middle of the sidewalk. I lean over to complain to Keisha, but I don’t see her anywhere. My heart drops. It’s her first day in the city and I already lost her. Sure, she’s 19 and all grown up, but it’s not like the city is the safest place for her to be roaming around. I dig around for my phone in my bag. Once I’ve found it, I scroll to find her contact and call her. 

“C’mon Kee, pick up,” I mutter.

“Kendra, what is it?” I hear her voice on the other end say.

“Kee! Where are you? Are you ok?” I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

“Yes, I’m fine. You were just standing there all zoned out, so I headed toward the bookstore on Broadway. I’ll be ok by myself. You go slay on your first day! Love you!” she says hurriedly. 

“Kee, wait-!” she hangs up before I can say anything. Ugh, that girl gets on my nerve sometimes. My head spins around as I take in more of the city. It’s just such a wonderful place. Is it possible to fall in love with a city?  

“Miss Kendra Keys,” the account executive calls out. I raise my hand and walk over to the photoshoot set. “Alright, so today we will shoot for the company Chanel, as I’m sure you already know,’’ he informs me. I nod my head. “Great, let’s get started then.” The photographer positions me the way she feels is right, and I put on my best model’s face.

 “Perfect! Gorgeous!” she shouts as the flash goes off. Every time that flash goes off, I feel the adrenaline in my veins and I can see myself doing this forever. I move around and let my body take over. Strike one pose, strike another pose. Smile, now be serious. My mind is racing, hoping that this is what they want. “Miss Keys, I’m going to have you go change into a different outfit now,” the photographer smiles as she scrolls through the photos. “You’ve got 5 minutes.” 

I go over to my dressing room and look at the outfit laid out for me. It’s absolutely breath-taking. The white dress is almost blinding. The black heels make my jaw drop. There’s no way I can pull it off. I unbutton my jeans and slide them off. I pull off my tank top as I slip the dress of its hanger, careful not to crease it. If this is what I get to do every day, I think I’m in the right spot. This city, this job, it has my heart. 

I pull out my ham sandwich and slowly unwrap the Saran wrap around it. All the other models went out to lunch together, and they didn’t even glance my way as they left. Maybe I don’t belong here. I decide to check up on Keisha. 

“Hey sista!” she exclaims.

“Hey Keisha, how’s your life in the city so far?” I ask.

“Oh my Kendra, where do I even start? For one, they have like the best cheeseburgers in the history of cheeseburgers here. Hey, speaking of food, shouldn’t you be out eating with your new model friends?”

“Um, well, they don’t exactly like me. But, it’s ok. I’ve got my ham sandwich,” I look down at the sad, soggy sandwich in front of me. 

“Well, they just don’t know what they’re missing out on. Listen, Kendra, I’ve got to go now. I’m going to Central Park for the rest of the afternoon to read this new book I got.”

“Oh, ok sounds fun! I’ll see you at home then. Bye,” I hang up. Even my sister is too busy for me. I quickly snarf down my sandwich, noticing that lunch is almost over. 

A few more shoots later and I hear, “That’s a wrap for the day ladies!” the account executive shouts. “Great job, and we’ll see you all tomorrow!” I smile and gather my bag, double checking I have everything. I glance at my phone and see I have 15 missed calls from Keisha. That’s strange, I think. We called at lunch a few hours ago and she was doing just fine. I call her, hoping everything is alright. 

She doesn’t pick up.

She doesn’t pick up the second time either. The world spins as I rush out the door of the agency. 

“Keisha!” I shout. “Keisha! Keisha!” I see an old lady sitting on a park bench and hurry over to her. “Have you seen anyone who looks like this?” I find the most recent picture I have of Keisha and the old lady shakes her head. “Well, thanks anyway,” I mutter. I need to sit down, I think. No. No, I need to find Keisha. I find a park bench and slowly sit down, trying to gather my thoughts. That’s when the sirens sound.

I hear them before I see them. The lights of the ambulance blur as it flies by, headed toward Central Park. Central Park. I shoot up off the bench and shout for a taxi, hoping there’s one nearby. I spot one just up the street and quickly grab my bag and dash up the road. I get there just before it’s about to drive off and breathlessly say to the driver, “Central Park, please.”

“Can we get there any faster?” I say, not trying to hide the annoyance in my voice.

“I’m sorry lady, traffic is bad and there was a wreck just up ahead,” the old man shrugs. I tell him to pull over. At this rate, walking will be faster. I give him some cash and slam the door shut. I check my maps app and see that Central Park is just half a mile ahead. Maybe the ambulance wasn’t even for Keisha, I think, trying to stay positive. I’m there within minutes and take in the scene. There’s a stretcher laid out by the ambulance, and I see a crew of people wave to the man by the stretcher. He rushes the stretcher over, as the crew lifts a body in an alleyway nearby. 

Keisha. 

I drop my bag and sprint as fast as my legs allow over to the men. “Keisha! Oh, Keisha,” I sob. I shoot questions at the men. “Is she ok? What’s wrong with her? What happened?” But I think I already know the answer. One man lifts her limp arm and checks her pulse. His eyes say it all. My sister is dead. 

On the ride to the hospital, my tears were flowing and wouldn’t stop. There’s no way it can be true. No way that my sister is gone. I scream. And I scream and scream and scream. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have let her come here with me. She didn’t deserve this. But the only question left on my mind once we arrived at the hospital was how? How did this daring, defensive, and brave girl die? 

After hours of checking security footage at the park and zooming in as best as they could into the alleyway, the cops found out that Keisha had been mugged. She tried to fight back, but suffered a severe head injury by being thrown up against a brick building. I smiled a sad smile when they told me she had fought back. That’s my Keisha alright, the fighter. We held her funeral a few weeks later. All of my family were in shock, and no one could quite believe it at first. That this 19-year-old girl had lost her life so soon. I think we all cried enough for 5 lifetimes that day. 

                                                                    …

A lot of things can change in 24 hours. Like the way you feel towards something. When I first moved to this city and saw all its beauty, I fell madly in love. I’ll always love the city and all the fame and success it brought me. But I think I’ll always have a feeling of hatred from time to time. The first time I went to Central Park after her death, I felt like punching something. To this day, it’s like that every time. But, when I walk into that modeling agency or I see my face on a billboard, I’m just in awe in how much a place can change you. In good ways, and in bad ways.