Life Beyond the Kids

Have you ever listened to parents with kids? For almost twenty years, they talk about everything they will do once the kiddos graduate—travel the world, become an exotic photographer, learn Mandarin Chinese, go to college—then, crickets. They find themselves settled in a recliner, waiting for grandkids, moving towards retirement, and, finally, death. Some stave off the inevitable by popping out a few more bambinos who end up the same age as their aunts and uncles. Still, eventually, a dimpled bottom and weekend trips to Costco are at the end of the tunnel. This is why the empty nest scares the hell out of me! 

Remember the pre-millennium era when a trip to the grocery store was a monumental event? The store's organization was a labyrinth, making navigating the lists like a game of whack-a-mole. Eventually, we learned that there's a system to it, even an art form, like couponing. Here's the thing: merely staying alive and genuinely living are worlds apart. You don't have enough energy to use it up trying to figure it out now, so I've assembled a guide to prevent the creeping twenty-year rigor mortis guy from knocking at your door. Life's too short to spend in a recliner; it's time to stand up, spread your wings, swoop down, and nab the treat waiting for you.

Be Real

Your life transitioned from "mine" to "ours" in the blink of an eye – whether in a fleeting moment or through hellish labor. I had to accept that nearly two decades of my life were dedicated to raising strong, independent men. The scared, wild child I was when I first met my sons is now just a memory. Just as they have evolved, so have I.

Now is the time to establish your baseline, where the real journey begins. Ask yourself: Who am I? Embrace your truth. If you're battling addiction, confront it. If you're overweight, recognize it. It's time to face whatever you are in private that you shy away from in public. Consider the energy invested in suppressing your authentic self. It takes more work to hide than to shine. We want the yin without the yang, which is not the way of the world. The tides roll in and out; we must be ready to ride the wave. 

We've come a long way from having to be cursed out to do great things. Now, we tell ourselves how amazing we are, and we perform. However, this approach isn't always practical. Sometimes, you are f@%ked up, and the only way to change is to sit in your mess. In the past, others would point out our failings, but now, we avoid painful truths. We don't want to hear what hurts us. However, there comes a time when you have to grab a mirror and open your eyes. Acknowledge your achievements, but also be prepared to address your failings. It's a new start, right? Let's make it count by being unapologetically ourselves.

Don't go Poking Around

If you haven't had Botox or a BBL by now all of you fine and forty individuals, don't. The news is full of recently liberated women who've launched out on a second life only to leave it on the table of some hack of a doctor after one of these procedures. You probably don't go out much anyway, so pick up a put-on butt on those days and add some padding or push up the guns. Believe me, whoever picks you up understands all that is on display is just that: the real stuff is in the back. It's ok. 

Wrinkles are nothing to hide. Men get to be "distinguished," and women get to move into the vintage stage. Again, the goal is to live. Please don't fight me on this. Just stay alive. Stick to a weekly facial scrub, a mask, and soap. Aloe vera gives the illusion of a facelift if you do it just right. It wears off after a few hours, but by then, you've made the first impression or slayed the room. It's ok to morph into a pumpkin after the audience falls in love with you. There is nothing wrong with dented cans. The meals all cook the same if you season them correctly. 

Branch Out

Whether you hail from the left or right side of the tracks, especially if you're over forty, you've probably heard the catchy refrain of Webbie's "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T." If not, you're in for a treat. Recall the time before your nest was full when your social circle might have included a harem of friends, acquaintances, or various relationships. As time marches on and children take flight, it's natural for interests and paths to diverge. Embracing solitude and spending time getting to know oneself is a wonderful journey. Yet, remember, we share this planet with billions of others for a reason - and it's not to journey through life in isolation.

Your hobbies and interests might have shifted. The person who once loved biking or running now finds joy in more eclectic activities. Perhaps today, you're someone who revels in the artistry of applying clown makeup just for fun. Our interests can change, and that's perfectly ok. It's about exploring new facets of your personality and embracing them. I am a part of a silent reading book club. We speak for ten minutes, read for two hours, and then close out with another ten-minute discussion. There are no more cool kids. Search for the people who enjoy what you do. 

Live



I wish I were a guru with all of the answers. In fact, I wish I was a guru with all of the money because they've got it. Back to my thoughts. Not only did your kids evolve, but so did you. This means looking at life with a new prescription lens. Reflect on who you were, and evaluate who you've become. Keep the good stuff, shed the b.s., and get out there and become a newbie again because you are. Your kids have flown the coup; why can't you, too!