She didn’t mean to hurt you.

She’s…She’s dead. I can’t…I can’ believe…she’s dead. I thought she would just nap for a while, not drop like a ton of bricks. No pulse, I think. Movies and all that. No, come on, Justine. Get back on track. Her veins look blackish, like sludge is slidin’ through her body now. Reminds me of acid rain that hits us ‘round here. Momma. Momma, can you hear me? Can you read my thoughts? No, I don’t think you can. Not anymore, at least. I never meant for you to be still like this. And, I’m the reason.

I thought I would feel different. But, I don’t. I feel numb. Like when I belly-flopped when you pushed me into the pool. I was five, that time. But this doesn’t hurt. This doesn’t make me feel abused.

I feel free.

Like a dead weight has dropped off my shoulders. Like a bald-eagle soaring in these grey skies. Is this bad? Is this feeling a sin for me? Church always told me that killers, sinners, and dope-dealers went to hell: will I go to hell momma? You always told me “Only place for you is in the bed of a worthless man” and I always wondered why. I watched you live that hell out for me, momma. First it was Craig. Ugly old man, he was. You coulda done so much better than him, but he told you “You were pretty”. Any man could swoon you with those three words. Well, Craig touched me. You know what I mean, don’t look at me with those blank eyes. I was a youngin’ and you still kept that dung-stain around. Why? Will you tell me know that you can’t speak?

I’m getting ahead of myself. I apologize, I do tend to ramble on. Ramble on and on and on. You can’t stop me from talking to you now, momma. No more switches, no more beatings, no more—Next, was Brett Turner. No, this one didn’t touch me badly, but he did make passes. Kept on trying to take me to places like the theater, and your favorite restaurant: with the money he grifted from you. But, hey. Assume your own daughter is stealing from you, right? Might as well clock her in the jaw, just for good measure. Speaking of that, my jaw seems to ‘member that smartin, still. Didn’t he dump you after you finally confronted him? What was it you told him… Oh yeah, I remember now:

“What the hell are you doin’ tryin’ to pilfer from me? You better git your ass from my house, ‘fore I git my 12-gauge.”

“Brenda, come on. You know that good for nothing daughter of yours! She’s lying!”

Oh, how I wish you didn’t hesitate and blow his damned face off that bald head of his. Oh well. Let’s see, there was one more man. This one was a hoot, you may not remember him. I mean, you were blitzed out your mind that night. Hooch in one hand, pills in the other. He brought you home from wherever y’all was at. Jet black hair, a bit chubby. White-guy, smelled of Jack & Jim. Funny, his name was Jim. Did you even know the name of the man that impregnated your sixteen-year-old? No, you didn’t. All I got was a slap ‘cross the face when I told you something happened the month after that. He ignored your calls, ‘prolly thought you were gonna call the cops on ‘im. I never that I could be punished because of what you did, momma. Or, didn’t do.

Well, momma, its almost time for me to go. I’m gonna get outta this damned state. Montana don’t got nothin’ for me no more. Been long enough for our folks to not want anything to do with us. Not that they would help, anyway. You done burned that bridge so bad, my name would likely make ‘em puke. Don’t need em anyway. I got the money from your stash, momma. That’ll last me a few, I reckon. Well, momma. I would say I love you like I did when I was a youngin’, but you don’t warrant love no more. I’ll meet you in he—

Justine screamed from the pain that suddenly gripped her abdomen. She limped from the yellowing bed that carried her maternal corpse, and fell on her hands and knees. She hung her head down, noticing the red-streak of viscous fluid pouring from her. Panting wildly, she crawled to the bathroom, and reached the shower. Tears streamed down her face as she turned the shower on and the water swirled the blood into the drain. Spreading her legs apart, she pushed until she heard the cry of a baby. The showers beat on the pair, both bloody, crying and terrified. Justine’s eyes could barely stay open, and she felt the cold embrace of darkness and water cradle her.

***

She felt unbearably weak, and the pain from her abdomen down made tears form around her eyes immediately. Blinking slowly, her vision started coming back, but she couldn’t recognize her surroundings. There were white cabinets in front of her. A small silver tray was close to her with what looked like knives on it. They were covered in blood and gauze. She realized she was laying on her side. Managing to move herself, she slowly lays on her back. Breathing in and out, she quickly remembers the past twelve hours, and her pulse quickens.

“Excuse me? E-excuse me?”

“Don’t worry.”

Justine nearly jumped out of her bed when she glanced at the right of her and saw a man in a black suit. She caught the faint gleam of a badge on his suit-jacket. Her pulse raced even harder, causing her ECG to beep loud. Nurses came from the front door, frantically trying to figure out what was going on. The man, sighed as he thought of how to give Justine the news that her mother survived.

And her baby-girl didn't even breathe.

Written by Devin Dawson.