Not Enough (Sequel to Goodbye)

“I told him I love him and he said it wasn't enough. How am I suppose to live with that?” – Emilia Clarke.  

                                                      I went through the passport control, and as much as I prayed to be stuck in the queue, no, it went smoothly. Pushing the baggage trolley, I moved towards the glass door and as it opened, she was there at the Arrivals Gate, standing at the barrier. A broad smile spread over her face as she saw me. I managed to send her one also, despite my sad demeanor. She’s grown, I noticed. Way too different from the girl I left behind. Her long wavy hair has now been replaced with a blonde. All in all, she's so beautiful now.

“Mars,” she screamed as she engulfed me in a warm embrace.

I hugged her right back warmly. My joy at seeing her again slowly subdued my sad demeanor.

“Still hyper as always, huh?” I teased her as we released each other from the embrace.

Her laughter rang out at that. Ohh…. I so much miss that laugh.

“ I missed you Mars.” 

“Not as much as I do.”

“Then why refuse to make contact with me or anyone?”

“We shouldn’t do this now. C'mon, let's go home.”

“Yeah. Home, sweet home.”

• • •

 I haven’t been out of my room since I got back. I seriously need that time to sort out myself without any interference. My phone started buzzing. Probably another call. Gosh…. Can this device stop being irritating! I picked it to check who the caller was. Isn’t this interesting? I thought as I saw the number of missed calls and messages I had. All from Crystal, mum and the one person I dread meeting. I stood up and walked towards my room balcony. I threw open the door then stepped out. I really loved the fact that I can have a close and clear view of the garden. I surveyed it endlessly, enjoying the feeling. That is the beauty of nature. You will always experience that bliss cause it do provide a place of comfort and solitude ... an escape from the pressures of life. With nature, you can bask in your imagination while neglecting your reality. Whenever you look deep into nature, you surely will understand everything better.

And that was exactly what I did. I looked deep into nature. I watched the butterflies in their beautiful arrays. The chirping of the birds was nice music to my ear. The green plants looked on pleasantly at me. The flowers couldn't get more beautiful than how they'd flourished. And in that my little walk with nature, I received far more than I was seeking for.

It dawned on me then that nature seemed blissful cause it’s in its domain. And that I can also have that natural bliss if I let in the right person.

I shouldn’t have told him that, I cried out. I shouldn’t have! 

• • •

The knock on my door alerted me of Crystal’s arrival. I stood up to open the door. Is telling Crystal the right decision? I asked myself. Well, do I have any other choice? I definitely owe her an explanation.

“You look like shit, Mars!” She exclaimed as she walked in. I locked the door right after her. Her eyes roamed round my room. Realizing that my room ain't the best definition of neat, tidy and perfect, I looked down in embarrassment.

“ Wow. This room is wayyyyy too neat, you know?” She commented sarcastically.

“Drop the sarcasm. You shouldn't embarrass me any further.”

She silently pushed the clothes lying on my bed to a side, then plunged into it. “So, why am I here?”

I kept mute.

“Seriously Mars? You came home about a month ago and you didn't bother to inform me. And when I finally got wind of it, you were gone on that trip. Nicely done.”

I moved closer to her side. “ I'm really sorry, okay?”

She nodded her head. That’s Crystal. Ever ready to forgive easily.

She gazed at me expectantly, bidding me to let it out.

“I told him it wasn’t enough.” I blurted out suddenly.

She sat up straight on the bed. “ What are you talking about?” 

“I told him that before going on the trip.”

 She must have guessed who I was talking about cause her next question was “And what was his reply?”

• • •

A month back.

I met him there, leaning so casually against a tree. A sly smile curved his lips as his striking blue eyes met mine. 

“ You're here finally.”

“How long have you waited?”

“I actually got here before the time.”

“ Oh. . . Are you that desperate to tell me what ever it is?”

“Are you back home finally?” He asked instead, ignoring my question.

I stared straight at him, trying to see if I could read his expression. But no, his face was expressionless. Strange. So he called me here to ask that!

“I do not know yet.”

His face fell then. I could finally get an expression. And was that – disappointment?

“You can tell me you know? I might decide on staying.”

He looked at me then. “ I don’t want you to leave again.”

Now, I am confused, I thought.

“Why?”

“I need you! I don’t want you to ever leave me again.”

“I love you, Mars.”

I just got a bombshell. My eyes shot up at that and I went pale.

“Believe me, I really do.”

He hugged me then, as you would when comforting someone – tightly. I let myself get lost in the embrace. I tell you, the whole world moved for me then. But then came rushing the “what ifs.”

I slowly removed myself from the embrace.

“No.” I mouthed. “I can't.”

The shock spread through his face quickly.

“No. You don’t mean that, Mars.” He said, trying hard to make me understand.

“No. It's not enough.”

He tried hard to keep his face from betraying his emotions, but still I could see through him. 

“ I told you I love you and you said it ain't enough. How am I supposed to live with that?” He asked rhetorically.

I remembered the movie Me Before You. That was exactly the same thing Lou said to Treena about Will's rejection of her love.

“You shouldn't have said that.” He said, shaking his head. “You shouldn't have.” 

And he walked away.

The very next day, I left on the trip.