Forgive or forget...
The clouds are hanging from the sky; and the crickets and the wind are screeching.
I am sitting in an empty park, and the wind is blowing my mousy, crinkly hair onto my face.
I thrust it backwards.
The evening and the metal of the park beach is steadily getting colder.
Why did mom and dad bring me here? Did I really have to remember? I do remember the text book stuff, what else was important?, to them, anyway.
A man walks by, his hands in his pockets. I look up and shuffle my feet. Opens my mouth and closes it, the person is already far away.
Why do they say that I’ve changed?, I am still the same person, amn’t I?
I look up. The light is fading.
Another person is walking towards me, looking down; they are wearing a crisp russet hoddie, which covers their face.
Probably my last chance, people doesn’t usually come to parks after sundown.
I purse my lips and exhale.
“Hey!” I stand up.
The person stops. She looks towards me with sunken eyes.
I shift my gaze to the ground. I clench the paper in my hand.
I look back up.
“Uh, would yo—”
Her eyes are wide, fixed on me.
Another person I am supposed to remember?
“Uh..., I am lost, so would you min—”
“Ty!?” her voice is flat and brittle.
Yes, she knows me.
I push my crinkly hair back again.
“Am I—, am I supposed to know you?”
“Eh?” she inhales and her eyes widen more.
“No, no...,” I close my eyes and shake my head. “I don’t, I just... Arh...”
I glance at her, my eyebrows creased.
Her eyes are still wide but one of her eyebrows slowly sails up;
“What’s the matter?”
I twist left and turn my face away from her.
“I, I don’t,” I shut my eyes. “I don’t-don’t remember, eh, anything from, uh, here. Sorry, but I don’t remember who you are. Re-retrograde ame-amnesia.”
I breathe out slowly and stare at her.
She takes a step back.
“You, you don’t remember?, like memory loss?” She stiffens her shoulder.
“Eh...” I nod “and I am lost, could you —”
“Do you still stay where you used to before moving?”
I nod again, biting my lip.
She pulls her hood down until her nose and walks stiffly.
“Come.” She growled.
Does she actually hate me for not knowing her?
“Em, who are, er, were you?” I ask her, trying to sound as earnest as possible.
She walks on stiffly.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that, you know, like, how did I know you, were we classmates or something?”
I pace faster, to catch up with her.
“We were..., er, we were friends...”
“What kinda friends?”
“Eh?, em, er, how did you get this memory lapse anyway?”
“The memory loss?, they say that a car hit me, concussion, but I don’t actually remember.” I caught up with her at last.
“What all did you forget?”
I pant and scrunch my eyebrows.
“Well I forgot,” I look forward blankly and bite my lips “I forgot ever being in the town.”
“Is that even possible?”
I clench my jaw.
“I forgot everything. The places, the people. Hoped that wouldn’t get lost. I still do remember the academic stuff and intellectual skills and all...”
“But they want me to remember, more. So, they brought me here. And this is so maddening...”
I sigh again, that being the most I have talked about all this in a month. I feel a bit better pouring it all out to a stranger, who is not supposed to be stranger. I pause and glance right, towards Amiail.
She is not there!?
I stop and turn around.
Amiail is still and limp. Looking on the ground and clasping her face in her hand.
I slowly step towards her.
She looks up.
I bite my lip.
“For what?” she snaps and stomps forward.
I follow her, keeping behind.
“For... forgetting you”
“Forgetting me?, I don’t mind you forgetting me!”
I keep quiet, prompting Amiail to speak on.
“It would’ve been worse for me if you remembered me.” She snorts. “You were angry, not at first......, not at first, but you even yelled at me the day you moved. I was angry at first. Stupidly angry. Then you became angry. Glad that you were moving away. Used to, used to say that you probably wouldn’t but... you did.
She stomps on,
“I wish that you would yell at me now. But you forgot? You said it that day, that you didn’t want to remember me or the class or the house ever again, that you loathed it all, that you would never come back. I took it all as bluff. Remembering that you said that all of it was probably temporary. Two years pass and I still don’t believe it. At last, you do come back but then you don’t remember?
“You Don’t Remember?! WHY DON’T YOU!?”
She stops, I stop just behind her. She clutches her head, in both her hands.
“It’s all my fault, just my fault...” She rasps. “The quarrel and everything, wanted to tell you that, wanted to tell you, but you are not the old Thime, you wouldn’t understand, you don’t remember!
“I wanted us to be friends again, I wanted you to forgive me, but how can you forgive me now?, you don’t even remember!”
My eyebrows furrow. I don’t know what to say, I really don’t remember, anything about her, or about what she said.
Why don’t I remember? They said that I could, then why can’t I? I want all this to be over!, I don’t want to meet anyone I don’t remember!
The wind blows my hair up again.
I don’t remember five years of my life, and I will never be able to remember, never.
My lip is trembling. I clench my jaws and look up.
Amiail is sobbing.
I don’t know what to say, or what to do.
I wish that we could be friends again, I wish that I could forgive her, for whatever quarrel she made, but how can I forgive her now?, I don’t remember anything...
I don’t know what to do.
I take a step forward and hold her hand.
“Maybe I can’t forgive you..., but I sure did forget it all...