Love, Angie

Dear diary,

It’s my birthday today! I just turned 6, so mummy says I’m a big girl now! It was so fun, we had so much cake, and presents, and a big party with my whole class! Sarah got me this diary, and she’s my bestest friend in the whole wide world!

Mummy’s calling me now, so I have to go, but I’ll be back soon!

Love, Angie

Dear diary,

Today, Sarah got a boyfriend. I… honestly don’t know how to feel about that. I mean, I’m happy for her and all, but we’re 11, do we really need to be dating? Also, the guy’s an ass. Ok, maybe I haven’t seen him act like one, but I just know he is, ok?

I guess I’m just scared she’ll abandon me for him. Yeah, that’s probably it.

Anyway, it’s not like they’re going to last, so things can go back to normal soon.

Love, Angie

Dear diary,

Ok, how was I supposed to know that 2 years on, they’re still together? Sure, they’ve had their ups and downs, but for the most part, they’re still going strong.

In other news, I literally just figured out 5 minutes ago why I have such a problem with it. Turns out, I’m in love with Sarah.

 What am I going to do tomorrow? How can I sit there while they’re being all cute, and pretend I’m not dying inside? I can’t even hate him, because he’s a genuinely nice guy!

Welp, time to bury my feelings in ice cream so that hopefully they’ll go away by tomorrow.

Love, Angie

Dear diary,

Spoiler alert: they didn’t go away by tomorrow. Or, I guess, today.

Do you know how hard it is to act normal when everything’s changed, but at the same time, literally nothing has? Probably not, because you’re a diary, but the point still stands.

She’s honestly so sweet, she kept asking if I was alright, or if it was her fault. Like, honey, no. You did nothing wrong. Then again, she could probably murder everyone I love and I’d still thank her for blessing me with her presence. Jesus, I’m so gay.

Wait, do I have to come out now? Damn.

Love, Angie

Dear diary,

I’m not sure what I was expecting last night to be, but comforting a crying Sarah because she broke up with her boyfriend was definitely not it.

They broke up on Valentine’s day too, who does that?

Anyway, she texted me at like 10, asking if she could come over for a bit, so to see her full-on sobbing when I answered the door was a bit of a shock.

Apparently, they’d been having trouble for a couple months, but had kind of ignored it until now. Still, it was pretty hard on her. Ending a 3-year relationship will do that to a girl.

I felt so bad about it, but even when she was sobbing into a tub of ice cream, the only thing I could think was how gorgeous she looked. Seriously, it can’t be possible to look that good! Of course, I didn’t make any move, she just broke up and I don’t even know if she likes girls, but god was I tempted.

Why did I have to fall for her?

Love, Angie

Dear diary,

OH MY GOD!!

So, there’s a GSA at college (gay straight alliance), and I didn’t tell Sarah that I was going because I’m not out to her. Turns out, she had the exact same idea.

When I saw her there, she came out to me as bi. SHE’S NOT STRAIGHT!!!

It happened hours ago, but I’m still not over it. I have a chance!

Love, Angie

Dear diary,

I told my friend about the whole Sarah situation, and he said to try date other people, either to see if she gets jealous or to try and get over her. Honestly, it’s not the worst idea I’ve heard, so he’s going to set me up with one of his friends and see how it goes.

I’m still not 100% sure about it, but I’m willing to try anything at this point. It’s been 4 years and I’m still not over her.

Love, Angie

Dear diary,

I don’t think this whole “dating other people” thing is really working. I’ve been out with 5 different people, and none have gone anywhere. I guess it doesn’t help when I still can’t get over her. I think I’m going to take a break from it. It’s not working, and A-levels are coming up anyway. I really need to study a lot more if I want to pass them.

Love, Angie

Dear diary,

We just got our A-level results back, and I got 2 As and a B! I passed them all!

Honestly, I didn’t expect that. I didn’t expect her to kiss me either, but it happened.

Like, we were both at my house to open the results together, and we were so excited that we both passed! Next thing I know, she’s kissing me. Turns out, one of the reasons she broke up with her first boyfriend was she was getting a crush on me.

I’m still in shock about now being able to call Sarah my girlfriend.

Love, Angie

Dear diary,

Sarah has just finished Uni, and I proposed.

I had this whole plan, it was going to be so romantic, but as soon as I picked her up from the train station I just asked her to marry me. I didn’t even have the ring on me!

You know what she did? She laughed, then got down on one knee and pulled out a ring. Apparently she had a whole plan too, which got scrapped.

God, I love her so much.

Love, Angie

Dear diary,

Sarah’s funeral was today. In the past week, I think I’ve spent more time crying than not crying. It’s not like her death was a complete surprise, she’d been ill for a while, but I hadn’t really thought she would die. I don’t think I really accepted it until today. Going to the funeral, it kind of made me confront the fact.

I don’t think I’m going to live much longer, either. I caught the same thing Sarah had, and I’m old. It’ll be a shock if I make it.

I think I’m ok with dying. I’ve lived my life, and I’ll get to see Sarah again.

Love, Angie