Nothing Good, Just Bye

Parties are terrible.

The music’s too loud, for one thing. And it’s too hot, and there are too many people, and it’s all just… terrible.

So yeah, that’s why I don’t like parties.

The song flips for something else, and a whiny high-pitched singer starts bawling her heart out. Not only is the music loud, it’s also terrible. I stole the lead to the speakers one time and plug my own MP3 player in to see if I could convert anyone to decent music. They all yelled at me, and a couple even threw empty cups. I won’t try that again, especially as I’m trying to keep a low profile. Guess tonight I just have to suffer. Huh, story of my life there.

Not that keeping a low profile is hard. Me and the wall are getting along awesomely, not bothering anyone or getting the weird looks we normally do. Well, weird looks I normally get, I’m sure everyone loves the wall as soon as I’m not here.

Where the hell is Elise anyway? She said she was coming to this damn party, and I haven’t seen one hint of her stupid blue hair. Just thinking about it makes me groan again. Sure, it looks nice on her, but everyone has blue hair now. I thought Elise was… different. Better than the peer pressure.

Whatever. It doesn’t matter now, and soon it won’t matter at all. It was just the final straw, her dying her hair like that. Not that I care. She can do what she wants with it, it’s her hair after all. It was just proof that there’s nothing special round here, nothing worth staying in the dump for.

I just need Elise to turn up, then I’m gone.

I try to take another drink, but my cup is empty. Great. Do I need more? Can I just leave it? Except if I’m not drinking, what am I doing? Just standing around, trying not to stare at anyone and attract their attention. Better to have a drink, then I have something to do.

“Wish me luck,” I mutter to the wall as I push away and slip into the crowd.

Well, I try and slip into the crowd, but it ends up more like barrelling in. No one’s staying still long enough for me to get past, and everyone I nudge pushes back even harder, thinking its some sort of game or joke. Then they realise who it is that’s just walked into them, and they give me another shove just for good measure.

“Watch yourself, Bum!”

“It’s Tom,” I growl back. Seriously people, how hard is it to say my name? One mumbled introduction in our first year as ‘Tum’, then after a while as ‘Tummy Tom’ they realised how much they all despised me, and it evolved into ‘Bum’.

The joys of high school, I guess. I wouldn’t have minded if it was something a little more creative. Their dislike of me runs closer to apathy.

Whatever, won’t matter soon.

When I get to the kitchen I give up trying to be polite, and just force my way through before any of the drunk and/or stoned idiots notice me. I shove a pair of girls who are so out of it they think someone’s started a stadium wave, and with a cry they try and carry it on. Shortest wave in history, as no one’s paying attention to them either. Their tops aren’t tight enough and their legs not skinny enough I guess.

Shoving my way forward I catch sight of Simon on the far side of the kitchen. I smile and raise a hand in greeting, before stopping and frowning. Wait, if that’s my reaction to him, should I say goodbye to him as well? I’d only planned on talking to Elise, and only for old times sake. Well, no, only really because she said she’d be here. If I knew she was going to be a no show I wouldn’t have bothered.

Although, since I am here, I might as well talk to Simon. That way I can get something out of tonight, besides a headache.

I wait till I’m right next to him, then lean over and shout down his ear. “Simon!”

“Eh? Hey, Tom! Tommy Tom!” He flings his arms out and pulls me into a hug before I can get away. Great, the idiot’s drunk as a skunk. He knows I don’t do hugs.

“Yeah, hey mate.” I try and prise him off me, but I’ve only got one hand and now he’s using me for support. At least he’s nice and close to talk to though. “Hey, can we talk? Outside, get some air, yeah?”

“Yeah? Yeah! Have a smoke, yeah?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

Getting out with him isn’t any easier. Simon was an old friend, from before school, back when we were neighbours, and unlike me he’s managed to do pretty well at making friends. Every other person we pass wants to talk to him or hug him, and in the end I just grab his sleeve and haul him outside.

It’s only a little quieter out here, but the air is cooler and fresher. As in, it only smells of smoke out here, not smoke and BO and beer and tears. On the scale of things, it’s fresher.

“Hey, Tom.” Simon’s draped over my shoulders again, but I guess I can put up with it for one night. One last night. Then at least I can say that I know what it’s like. “What’s up? Ciggie?”

“No, thanks.” I’ll smoke if there are enough people about, but honestly, I really don’t care for it. Just another reason I’m not one of the cool kids. “Just wanted to talk, you know.”

“Cool, cool. What about, dude?”

I take a deep breath, though most of what I get is the smoke he’s just exhaled. In my head this had been a dramatic moment, lots of tears and hard gazes into the sunset. Right now I’m just worried that he’ll laugh, or that he won’t hear me.

Ah, what the hell. He’s too drunk to know what’s happening anyway, and at least this way I’ve got practise if Elise does show her face.

“I just wanted to say good–”

The door to the house slams open behind us. “Oi oi oi! Simon, you batting for the other team now?”

A group of boys stagger past, jeering at everyone they see, reeking of sick, destroying the little calm there was out here. Simon pushes off from me to follow them, chucking insults at them and bragging about all the girls he’s slept with. Though I can’t help notice that he doesn’t deny the taunt at all…

But now here I am, left all alone again. “–bye,” I finish to the now empty space. “Sod.” To hell with him, and why do I need practise any way? It’s just words, just sounds. It’s easy.

Somewhere along the way my cup got crushed, and I toss it out into the lawn. Let whoever lives here clean it up, as they run around before their parents get home. Assuming their parents would even care. It’s hard to tell with the rich kids who have these big houses. Easy enough to tell with the kids from round my way. No one cares, least of all our parents.

I storm back inside to see if any of the food has survived this long. If I can’t talk to anyone then I might as well fill up before I leave. There’s half a bag of popcorn on a side table that I snatch, then I keep walking to make sure no one gets any ideas about taking it off me.

I don’t normally go upstairs at these parties (bedrooms are safest avoided), but my feet take me up there today. I don’t lurk at any doors though, as that’s more dangerous to your rep than being in the room. Not that I need to worry about rep, not after tonight, but old habits die hard.

There’s a queue for the bathroom that’s all girls, and I snort a laugh at that. All the boys are just going in the garden, and I wonder how long before the girls do too. One of the girls spots me and waves, and it takes me a moment to realise that it’s Cat. She’s done her hair differently today, or her make-up. Something makes her look completely different anyway.

“Hey, Tom!” She flings her arms round me as she totters over. What is it with people hugging me today?

“Hey, Cat. You look good.” Different, so I suppose that’s good. Everyone always wants to look different.

“Aw, thanks!”

“Popcorn?”

“Oh, yes, I am starving. You are such a gentleman.”

“There’s not exactly a lot of competition round here,” I mutter, but she doesn’t hear. Far too busy stuffing her face. “Hey, Cat, I just wanted to say…” Wait, did I? Why? Sure, Cat’s nice, and she uses my actual name, but I don’t care about her.

“Yeah? Say what?” She’s still got a handful of popcorn but she’s looking up at me now, so I guess I don’t really have a choice.

“Just wanted to say good–”

One of the other girls by the bathroom whistles. “Oi, Cat! You need to pee or what?”

“Hell yes! Hold that thought, Tom, k?”

And there she goes, just like Simon. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, and I won’t wait for her. Scrunching up the empty popcorn packet I turn and head back downstairs.

I start by heading towards the door, but something stops me again. A part of me wants to wait for Elise I guess, despite how done I am with the night. Talking to Elise was all I wanted to do…

If I must stay, I suppose another drink won’t hurt. I slip back into the kitchen behind a couple making out and grab the first bottle of pop I can find. I have to steer clear of alcohol because of all my meds, so it’s only fair that I get a whole bottle of soft drink to myself. Not that anyone else is touching the stuff. The few who were trying to be ‘classy’ and make cocktails earlier are now too drunk, and a group in the corner are mixing wine with whiskey. Good luck to them tomorrow.

“Hey, Tom! Didn’t expect to see you here?”

I’m halfway through a mouthful of drink when I hear the voice, and I just about swallow before the customary clap on the back comes. “Hey Anna. How’s it going?”

As someone training for national grade sports – I always forget which ones – Anna doesn’t need to worry about what people think. She’ll talk to anyone, even me, despite the fact we have nothing in common other than a hatred of maths.

“Doing good, doing good.” Oh, and she’s probably the only other sober person in the house. Maybe she wouldn’t be bad company for a while. “What brings you out to a party then, Tom? Thought you hated the things.”

“I do. Just wanted to talk to a few people.”

“Ha! Wrong place, wrong time, I’m afraid. Anything important?” There’s a hint of worry in her eyes, and I don’t think before I talk.

“I just wanted to say good–”

A commotion starts up by the back door to the kitchen, pulling our attention. A group is gathering, and one of them spots us.

“Hey, Anna! Come and give us a hand will you? Think he’s passed out.”

“Oh the joys of being sober,” Anna mutters to me. “Catch you later, Tom.”

“–bye.”

I should’ve seen it coming. So close to talking to someone, but oh no. Some stupid kid’s got to pick then to pass out.

Whatever. I’m done. Screw Elise, if she can’t be bothered to turn up.

I shove people out of my way as I head back to the front door, getting a few raised voices in return. Whatever. I’m done. I have to slide a girl away from in front of the coat cupboard, and grab my bag that I stashed on the top shelf when I arrived. Clothes, money, ID, meds. From now on, everything I own.

Standing in the front door I look back inside. The music is still stupidly loud, although there’s a few shouts from whatever is going on in the kitchen over the top of it now. It’s hard to make anything out in the gloom, but the sense of people is enough. Most of the people I know in the world are in here. It feels wrong to just walk away.

“Good–” I start, though not loud enough for anyone to notice.

The boys who’d gone out earlier shove me aside, sending me stumbling down the front steps. “Shots!” they scream as they come inside, and the house erupts into even more chaos.

Gritting my teeth I limp down the path. Screw the lot of them.

I’m almost out the drive, out of the range of the light of the house, when I realise someone’s standing in front of me.

“Hey,” Elise says. That stupid blue hair catches the light of a passing car, and for a moment she looks like a part of the heavens.

“Hey.”

“Where you… waiting for me?”

“No,” I say, though my tone betrays me. “Whatever.” I start trying to walk on but she blocks the path.

“You wanted to talk to me. That’s what you said in your text. So talk.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does.”

If it did, then where was she? It doesn’t matter as much as whatever else she was doing tonight. “No. It doesn’t.”

I shove past her and keep walking. She missed her chance.

“Tom!”

I keep walking. Then I stop. It doesn’t… it doesn’t feel right. I take a deep breath and turn round again. “Good–”

“Come with me.”

“–b… What?” Over the anger of being interrupted yet again it takes a moment to process what she’s said.

“Come with me. I’m running away. But I don’t want to go on my own.”

“I…”

“I know it sounds stupid. But I don’t want to stay here. I’m bored, and everyone’s dull and nobody cares. Except you. And I know you feel the same way Tom. So… will you?” Now she’s lit up from behind by the house down the path I see the bag at her feet. That’s where she was. Packing, just like I did this morning.

I shift my own bag higher on my shoulder. “Did you know? That’s what I was doing, I mean.”

“I’d hoped.” Hope. That meant that she cared. And she'd asked me.

I turn and look out onto the main road. It's dark, and the wind sends a shiver down my back. Dark and moody, the perfect night to run away.

But no one said I had to do it alone.

“All right. I suppose.” I look at the ground as I shrug, and when she walks up beside me I turn and we head off.

But when she puts her hand in mine, I don’t let go. Just because most things are terrible, it doesn’t mean everything is.