The box of...

And this my dear is the box of stupidity, used to be tip-top, bright and shiny, you see the label, “Graceful Ageing”.My great great great great great grandpa got this from his neighbor who got it from his great great great great great grandpa’s neighbor, its more contagious than any deadly infection, there is no cure to it and you pass it on to not only your own blood but to anyone who comes in contact. The origin of this gift is unknown. 

As I am about to give my life son, I pass this treasure to you and your family and I pray and I hope you keep it safe and pass it on to your neighbor, to your children who god knows have evolved to another level of stupidity, they should pass this on and on, promise me son, you will be stupid forever and that your mission in life is to preach the world about the power of this box, the power of being stupid, said my grandfather as we were waiting for him to die. 

What is this old man talking about, we are not stupid, it’s the era of information, it’s the era of super computers, if humanity and humans were so stupid will we have reached the moon, or the mars, would we have cars and buildings and hot water and heating and electricity? What did he ever do in his life except ferrying people around on his stupid boat, getting drunk and beating his wife and now when he is handing over the box of stupid to us as if it had a million-dollar jewel inside. He is stupid, we are not, said my cousin. 

Here, hold it, grandpa has asked me to hand over this to you. 

To me.

Yea 

Why me, that’s a bit insulting. 

I don’t know.

We are not touching it, it says, “Box of stupidity on top”, I am not stupid, you are stupid to not punch him on his face. 

Punch a dying man on his face, isn’t that a little stupid. 

No, not to that looser who we have to call grand pa, who would put meat behind my back and leave the dogs on me because it would make me run faster. 

That’s the reason you are an athlete son. 

I am not an athlete and that’s the reason I could never love dogs; I am scarred for life. 

Anyway, this is his wish to pass this box of stupidity to his grandkids and for the sake of a dying man’s wish. You keep it. 

Also

Grandpa does not want the traditional cremation, he wants his body to be put in the electric chamber, the stupid says, he could save a few trees as if it will stop pollution or change the climate, he thinks everyone will follow his “act”, noble as it may seem. Now that’s stupid. He really thought he could change the world and that they would listen to a man who died with Rs 5000/-  in his account, not enough for a proper cremation and so he opted for the electric cremation, it’s cheaper you see. 

As much as I hate grandpa I think that his choice of electric chamber might actually come from the fact that he wanted to be always known as a good man, as a man who did the right thing, stupid. 

Grandpa had two sons, one a normal clerk and another a railway clerk, the normal clerk gave birth to six children, five daughters and a son, not that he had great respect for the women and he wanted more girls, the stupid wanted a male child and for some reason which he attributed to the stars and saints he wasn’t able to get one, 

so he kept producing, (the secret recipe to produce billion human beings) turned his wife into a machine, the doctor advised her to not feed the last one if she wanted her nipples to be in place, the other son, my father, the railway clerk thought my uncle was stupid to have six so he just had me, he hit sixer on an in swinging Yorker, the first child being the masculine child and that was it. He got his nerve cut off so he wouldn’t accidently produce anymore. Smart. 

Your son is stupid, he will never be able to crack medicine, please understand his limitations, do not burden him with unrealistic expectation, let him study music if he wants to, were the last words in my school. 

What, music? Like those gay people who dance on the street, replied my father.  

I teach music, I am not Gay. 

Look at yourself, if anything my son will be a doctor and that too a surgeon, so what if I am just a railway clerk, I will send him to the best medicine school, if need be I’ll take bribe and more bribe and more bribe and send him to a private medical school but he will go there and become a doctor. Yea, he was the smart stupid one, my father, the man who handed me the box of stupid with tears in his eyes and relief in his heart, that his father died. 

Well I was thrown out of medical school with flying colors, failed in 17 subjects out of 18. Some sort of a record I must say, very hard to break. With all the bribe money spent in two years and with no degree in hand, I was left with no other option but to get the first job I could. I could sing, I can run, maybe I can do something, like run and sing and sing and run, I sang as I ran and some stupid on his mobile phone captured me and posted it online. 

33 million views I got, now I make videos of singing as I run, on the beach and on the road, on the tree and on the snow, wherever I go, I sing and I run and I run and I sing and I have been invited for talk shows and I have the money and the respect and now the box of stupid as well. I cannot help but wonder, what stupid world wants to hear a man singing while running, they say it’s funny, they say it’s crazy, some top business school guys also did a study to find why am I so famous, they are studying the science of “virality”, the humans are competing with the virus. I don’t know what else is stupid, at least I got the stupid box.