Resolute on Resolutions

"No. I refuse!"

"Come on, Jacob! It's not a huge deal. You just pick a few goals, jot them down and turn them in to Mr. Hayes."

"Forget it, Kerry. I said no and that's final," stated Jacob with finality.

I peered into Jacob's green eyes to try to read him, but he looked away with huff. I just didn't get it. Why was it such a big deal to him? This was senior year and every grade counted if we wanted to make it into the best schools. But here was my best friend refusing to make a New Year's resolutions list for an easy A. There must be something going on he didn't want to share.

"Okay, okay. You must know what you're doing. But Jacob, remember that in order to get into the best schools, we have to..."

"Yeah. Okay," interrupted Jacob irritably.

I dropped the subject. "By the way, are you going to buy lunch or did you bring your own?"

"Actually, I have to go to the library and print out my assignment for Maron's class. It's next period and he always wants it in paper format...even though it would be just as easy for him to read it on his laptop," muttered Jacob.

"Okay. Want me to join you?"

"No. You go ahead."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Alright..." I left him by the lockers as I headed toward the cafeteria. A few kids ran ahead, brushing past others, trying to be the first in the lunch line. Fortunately, I had brought my own lunch and didn't have to worry about beating the crowd. I headed over to our usual table where Mallory and Jesse already sat, eating their lunch, or, in Jesse's case, throwing bits his sandwich at the freshmen behind him.

"Jesse, dude, knock it off. You didn't like it when the seniors used to do that to you."

"Yeah, and now it's my turn to get even," he decided defiantly.

"It's not even the same kids that would bug you!"

"I know. But this is just the pecking order."

I shook my head, annoyed. "Whatever. Mallory, did you do that Pre-Cal homework?

"No. I stayed up late watching Larden's game and didn't get home until late."

"Whoops. Guess you'll be tanking that test today then?"

"What?! There's a test today?! No! You've got to be kidding!"

"I am, I am. Sorry! I just couldn't resist!" I said with a smirk.

"Jerk," said Mallory, sticking her tongue out at me.

"Sorry," I said again, with a chuckle.

"Where's Jacob?" asked Kyle, taking a seat next to Mallory as he set down his overflowing tray.

"He said he needed to go to the library to print something out," I explained.

"My boy's always skipping out on us these days!" moaned Kyle.

I shrugged. It was kind of true. Jacob hadn't eaten lunch with us in the past week and a half. It was a bit weird considering his normal, voracious appetite, but it might just be because the weather had been gray and bleak lately, ruining any chances of him getting to play baseball out in the field. Then again...

"Say, Mallory. Where did Larden play last night?" I inquired.

"He played out in Matthews' Park, close to the gym," she yawned.

"Really? That's weird. Jacob told me the weather had been interfering with their games."

"No, I was there last night. The whole team showed up minus Jacob."

"Hmm. Maybe I just misunderstood," I claimed nonchalantly. "I'm finished here. I'll see you guys in Pre-Cal."

"Not much of an appetite today, huh?" mused Jesse.

"No, not much," I replied quietly as I turned toward the library. I had things to ask Jacob.

"Hey, Mrs. Brown. Did you see where Jacob went? I checked the computer area, but didn't spot him."

"I don't believe I saw him here today, Kerry. Sorry. Is something wrong?" she offered.

"Nah, I think I'll just head to class now. He has probably beat me there," I assured her. I doubted that was really the case, but with no Jacob in sight, it was the best chance I had of finding him. I rushed off to Pre-Cal.

"Mr. Miranda, is Jacob here?" I asked panting, as I poked my head in through the doorway.

"Jacob? No...I...Haven't you heard?" he stammered.

"Heard what?" I questioned him. Mallory and Jesse, already in their seats, listened with confusion on their faces as well.

"Today is his younger brother, Daniel's, funeral," he stuttered.

"What? Daniel is...dead?" I gasped, unbelieving.

"Yes, he... He passed away two days ago from an aggressive form of cancer.

"I... uh... I've gotta go Mr. M," I murmured in shock as I turned away and left the classroom.

"Wait! Kerry, do you need..." he started, just as the bell rang and I ran to the stairwell.

All of a sudden, the stillness of the school hit me. I usually got used to a dim roar of voices in the background that I tuned out. But at this moment, with everyone in their classrooms, the stairway and hallways were silent. I sat at the bottom of the steps and rested my head in my hands. If what Mr. M had said about Daniel was true... why hadn't Jacob told me anything? It didn't make sense. We told each other everything.

There was only one thing to do. I had to find Jacob and ask him directly. I took off for the parking lot and drove to Jacob's house. I pounded on the door, "Jacob! Jacob! Open the door! It's me, Kerry!" I went around to the back door and peered through the window, but the house was dark and silent. Then I remembered. Mr. M had said today was the funeral!"

I jumped back into my dusty truck and took off for Meadows Field. I'm not sure who had the bright idea to name a cemetery Meadows Field. They probably thought a cheery name would brighten the perspective of grieving families, but it was just sadder. I hoped I would find Jacob there and as my truck roared up to the field, I spotted my friend in a black suit, a hulking figure with slumped shoulders facing the man giving a sermon.

As I got out of my truck and started heading over to the small group gathered there, I saw the man gesture to my friend. Jacob gave a small nod and took the man's place at the front of the group. He glanced up, surprised but withdrawn, as I approached the group.

He gave a shuddering sigh then began to speak.

"Daniel was my younger brother. He was the best brother anyone could ask for. He didn't know how to look after himself because he always thought of others first. Daniel was a good person. He never spoke a harsh word to anyone. In fact, he would always defend the underdog, even if it cost him. I remember the time we went to the park and he wanted to get an ice cream because it was hot." Tears began to sparkle in Jacob's eyelashes. "We walked over to the vendor and gave him the money and we both got an ice cream. Just as Daniel was about to take a bite of his cone, this little girl behind us started crying. It turns out that another kid had not been watching where he was going and had bumped into the girl, causing her to drop her ice cream. She began to cry because she had had to beg her mother to convince her to let her buy this single scoop ice cream and now, it lay melting on the hot sidewalk. Before I could even react, Daniel walked over, pulled the little girl's hand open and placed his cone in her hand. Later, I asked him why he had done that and he just shrugged, admitting that she needed it more." Jacob choked up a bit and cleared his throat before going on. "His main concern when he found out he was sick was how much he was going to worry us. He insisted that we stick to our regular routine, go to school, go to work and just live normally. But how can you live normally when your brother is dying before your eyes? How can you play sports when all you can think about is how your little brother doesn't have the strength to do so anymore?" Jacob met my gaze before continuing, "How can you do homework, make goals, and write resolutions about your life to come when your brother doesn't have one anymore?"