Living in the castle was like settling down in a house of broken glass and needles—uncomfortable and dangerous. For people at the Queen's disposal, she was a necessary cruelty to everyday life. I had been lucky enough to avoid her for most of my life. People at my station weren’t invited to grand galas or extravagant balls. All I had were the acres of dark wood that stretched across the castle grounds.
I should have known something was wrong that night when she summoned me in person. Her rage rattled down the cold halls, which echoed like a pained spirit wailing at my door. Her anger was another grieved acceptance in the castle; you couldn’t escape her temper. Servants were either victims of her fury or kept up through sleepless nights by her temper tantrums. A big hand thudded against my wooden door, which jolted me awake in my bed. I dragged myself from my cot and trudged towards the door. As I creaked it open, a stone-faced guard, twice my height with triple the ego, greeted me.
“Queen wants you, don’t argue. Don’t question. Come," he barked in my face.
I tried not to show my confusion; what did she want with me? I’m no advisor or court lady; I couldn’t remember ever sharing any kind of conversation or passing comment with her. Royalty doesn't worry about how their food ends up dead on their dining hall table, if the meat is fresh and their bellies full.
As we walked along the servants' corridor, his torchlight dimmed. It became a firefly, flitting in front of his eyes. I had to avoid tripping over loose cobblestones. But even in the dark, I found myself looking for her door. I could paint it with my eyes closed. I imagined gliding a brush on a canvas. I swirled paint on a palette to create the perfect cream white for her door. Even in my mind, my talent didn’t do her work justice. She'd spent hours painting delicate bluebirds. They held pink flowers in their beaks, framed by pink ribbons. I remembered the roaring telling-off she got for it, but she seemed proud of her work, nonetheless. Things were simpler then.
The guard grunted as he knocked on the throne room door, which snapped me away from my daydream. My eyes followed the dancing flames of the candles that littered the decadent room. The hall had rich purple velvet furniture and gold leaf details. They crept up the walls and throne. The Queen walked down the small steps from her throne toward me; the candles created a glow behind her. In the brief moments I had seen her in my past, one question had always popped into my mind. How on earth did she keep that ridiculous crown on her head? Made of gold with a thick, fat emerald welded into the centre. She walked with such purpose. But I now see it was her arrogance that kept that weight on her tiny head. Regardless, I was sure luxury wasn’t meant to be comfortable.
“Finally, you know I hate to be kept waiting,” she said. She looked me up and down with such judgement that I would have preferred to be swallowed by the ground rather than endure her gaze for another second.
"My apologies, your Majesty,” I stumbled through a bow that morphed into a curtsy; I never knew which was more appropriate for me. I couldn’t tell if she was scowling at tardiness or a clumsy attempt at respect.
“It is not common in my practice to be called upon so late at night." I tried to defend what dignity I had. She brushed me off with a wave of her hand; she didn’t care for my excuse; she only wanted what she had summoned me for.
“You are the hunter, yes? "That is your job." She sounded like she didn't believe me. "Yes, it is my purpose." I assured her, my hand moving to where my dagger would be if I were dressed for the occasion.
"Excellent! Then, you'll have no trouble with this task," she said, reaching into her cloak. She then presented me with a beautiful trinket box. It was coated in jewels and pearls; it was the most expensive thing I could imagine. A magpie's dream.
“Snow White’s heart, you will carve it from her frail little body and place it in here.” She commanded as if it meant nothing.
I thought I’d heard her wrong because surely, she wouldn’t request something like that.
“Snow White’s…Heart?” I spluttered in disbelief.
“Yes girl, her heart. Do not make me repeat myself. Tell me—" Her stern tone only intensified as she grabbed my jaw, her long nails pressing into my skin like thorns.
“Are you incapable of completing the task set before you? Or must I find a more skilled hunter to bring me her heart…and your head?” I swallowed harshly. "No, Your Majesty. I am more than capable."
She let me go after that, “Perfect, I want it tonight. I do not like to wait."
Hunting is a necessity. It is a job like any other; you provide for those around you. No one goes hungry or without. Killing someone, to harm another, didn't feel right to me. Especially not her; the thought was enough to make me feel sick with dread. Snow was always kind to me, even when we met as children, and I giggled at her name. She told me she was named after the terrible snowstorm that ripped through the kingdom when she was born. Such a dark origin for the name of a girl whose very smile lightened my day.
I’d never known someone to smile in the face of adversity quite like Snow White. Her mother was gone. The Queen treated her like a pest scurrying along the castle floors, not like a princess. She was a girl born into royalty who slept in the servants’ quarters, and that never seemed to bother her. The Queen treated a sapphire necklace with more attentiveness than her, and she never seemed to mind. She was the bravest person I had ever met.
I changed in my room; my mind felt so full as if my brain had turned to cotton. How would I bring myself to do it? How could I do it? I didn’t feel as though I had a choice in the matter. I would have to kill her. I started to commit her smile to memory.
I left and approached the white door I had envisioned. I knocked, hoping not to wake her. It would mean I couldn't complete my task. Sure enough, she opened it. Her hair hand tangled in thick, black brambles around her head in her sleep. She rubbed her tired eyes.
“Hello, what brings you here so late? " Her voice was delicate even when she was half asleep.
“I…” it was like I'd forgotten my own language, words solidified in my mouth and refused to escape. She noticed my struggle and gave me a gentle look; her hand reached to touch mine.
“Is everything all right? You seem unwell,” she asked, her voice filled with concern.
I did not feel like I deserved her concern or gentleness, knowing what I had to do.
“No, nothing is wrong. I was wondering if you’d like to go for a midnight stroll in the woods with me, I thought it could be…refreshing." A good excuse.
Her face lit up, green eyes reflecting the candles on her walls.
“Oh, that sounds wonderful! Let me get dressed; I’ll only be a moment," she closed the door, and I heard her scramble to get changed as quickly as possible in the same dress and shoes she wore every day. Her only set.
When she was ready, she swung open the door, her hair was now neatly tied back in a red ribbon, a gift for her birthday I’d been able to sneak her a few years ago. She linked her arm with mine and my heart thudded in my chest.
“Shall we?" she looked up at me, and I smiled.
An inky black sky in a forest where trees looked more like claws. The backdrop for my crime. She skipped ahead of me, unbothered by the density of the trees, or the rustling of creatures trying to find their beds for the night. A cold breeze ripped through the air, but still, she skipped along. She must have felt so safe with me there to guard her, that I could fend off anything that went bump in the night. How wrong she was.
She stopped to observe a small flower along the path. Moonlight crept between the trees, a light shining down on my betrayal. She turned to me, the flower in her hands as she walked to me, a coyness in her stance. Her hand touched the shoulder of my tunic as she got on her tiptoes to tuck the flower into my hair.
“Snow…” my hand gripped the handle of the dagger at my side; I had to do this, even if it was her, my Snow White.
Her lips touched mine; they were soft and the perfect shade of red, much like her cheeks in the cold. I wanted to stay in this moment with her forever—but I couldn’t. I raised a hand to roughly push her to the dirt of the path; she let out a cry of surprise as she toppled over. I stood over her body, dagger in hand, hoping she wouldn’t notice how I was shaking.
“What are you doing?” Her voice cracked as she stared up at me; I’d never seen her look so afraid. Her bottom lip trembled as she scrambled amongst the fallen leaves to get to her knees.
“What is expected of me…”
I hardly muster up a whisper as I held the dagger above my head. I tried to envision her as a helpless doe, one who knew her time was up, one who accepted death. But my hands still trembled, my eyes watered. I couldn’t take her life, not her, who’d laugh at my awful jokes and would sing me to sleep during thunderstorms.
The dagger slipped from my grasp and fell somewhere amongst the dirt. She looked up at me with concern. Her hand reached out to touch me, to bring me comfort as if I was the person who needed it.
"Go… Go now…” I croaked out, trying not to let the tears fall down my cheeks.
“Whatever has happened… you can tell me, and we can fix this together. Like we always have done," she pleaded with a kindness I couldn’t let myself accept.
“She wants you dead. Do you hear me? You need to run—you need to leave the kingdom and never return—" I kept my eyes on the ground, too afraid to look her in the eyes.
“I don't understand…” her voice trailed off as she took a step back.
"Run, Snow! Run and never come back! Or she’ll kill you!” I raised my voice at her and reached a handout to shove her backwards. “Go!”
She let out a heartbroken sob but complied. I watched her disappear into the forest, knowing that was the last time I’d see her face. When I was sure she’d gone, I composed myself to the best of my ability. I could cry later; I needed to find a replacement. And a prissy Queen on her golden throne would never be able to tell the difference between a deer heart and a human. So, I set off on the hunt for her replacement.
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