A Dog's Thoughts

It was 4 AM. I couldn’t sleep. My mind was racing after a vivid dream of which I could remember only fragments. Everyone else was asleep—my wife, the kids and the dog. Normally we all got up at 5:30 on the weekdays since we lived way out in cow country but today was Saturday. No alarms were set on the weekends. I didn’t want a headache and knew I would get one if I even tried to stay in bed.

So, I quietly crept downstairs and got some cold water from the fridge to coat my somewhat dry throat and got the coffee brewing. When I sat down in the living room I decided to write while silence was still golden and my brain waves were at their peak. At this time our dog, Abby, came down and joined me on the couch. That’s when I decided to write about her. As she rested next to me with her paws in the air, I wrote a story:

The post said Puppy for Sale with lots of adorable photos.

Thank God I’m leaving this puppy mill!

I felt it was time as the kids were a little older now.

And I wasn’t going to live as long if I would have stayed.

Her name is Abby, a mini labradoodle, and she is the best thing that’s happened to our family. She was four months old when we got her with a fluffy coat of black and grayish merle, and hazelnut eyes. But don’t let the looks fool you.

Hah-hah! You have that right—on all counts!

The little weasel soon had the missus and I endure sleep deprivation, just like when our kids were infants and toddlers. She had so much energy, and still had lots to learn. For one, Abby’s biological clock was way off the mark compared to our routine. It was like the sneaky snot new exactly what she was doing.

I actually knew full well what I was doing; I’m a fast learner!

She was a really smart pup, no denying that! But we were smarter when we purchased our programmable leash-drone that took her out so we could get more sleep and not be zombies the next day.

Yeah, I’ll give you some credit on that one.

Those sharp puppy teeth gnawed on everything: socks, slippers, coats, hats, shoelaces, fingers, you name it. She was either fully awake and frisky, or she was out—completely stretched out.

She loved car rides, often slept with all four paws in the air, and frequently barked at her reflection in the sliding glass door (still does). The kids ended up naming her Abby Gabby Oreo since she really did resemble one. She was one tough cookie for all the bigger she was, and definitely bad to the bone.

You know it, baby!

Her gas can be atrocious! For how little she is, she sure has air biscuits that can linger in the room. Yeah, she can clear a room like nobody’s business. And the worst part: they are silent ones that creep up on you and then KAPOW, like a pie in the face.

Ha-hah-hah…You’re the one who feeds me! And if you only knew how bad your gas is when you sleep, sometimes louder than your snoring, and certainly smellier!

***

Our kids—now teenagers—will blame the dog for passing gas sometimes, when it is really them. Poor defenseless dog.

Yeah, I sure wish I could speak human to where you could understand me.

And then there is Turd Alley, what we call the part of the lawn littered with turds. It helps to pick it up right away, but sometimes it’s hard to see at night. The kids got a little better at volunteering to take her out without having to be coaxed. Wintertime is the best and the worst. The best part is that sometimes the turds will be frozen, making it easier to remove from the lawn. The worst part is when it is really cold outside and she doesn’t want to do her business right away.

Nah-na, nah-na, boo-boo! Never bothers me. I always have my fur coat.

When it is raining or snowing out, the kids will use a stick or a stone to mark where she went to clean up later. This is when turd alley is sometimes referred to as turd graveyard because the sticks and stones are like grave markers that mark the spots. 

It has never bothered me. Kinda fun, like an obstacle course.

For Christmas, the missus and I bought a present for ourselves: The model T20 AutomaticPooperScooper (APS). It makes scooping poop such a breeze, although a self-cleaning model would be nice; when they texted me their survey, I added it in the comments section as a future suggestion. 

Humans are lazy!

Closer to the latter part of her puppy stages, we realized she was the right fit for us and we didn’t have any regrets. Her naughtiness was our fault as we spoiled her like she was royalty, and sometimes still do. She’ll always be our fur baby.

I knew it—you love me and can’t help but pamper my furry butt!

She’s much more tolerable now that she’s not chewing on everything.

Don’t leave me home too long or I’ll revert back!

Despite the cons, we still think she was and still is worth every penny—even when factoring all the horrendous vet bills. There have been far more positives than negatives. 

Admit it, I’m priceless. No price tag on me anymore!

Dogs take patience and a lot of work. If you’re not patient or dedicated, I suggest you don’t get one.

Careful!  I beg to differ!

But they can also relieve a lot of stress, which will help you learn to be more patient. They could even save your life.

Now you’re talking!

For how short she is, she has always enjoyed jumping—as if she was part kangaroo. After bionic knee implants at around age 11, she could jump high again, almost as high as she used to. Like humans, animals probably think they are younger, but then the physical body reminds them that some things they just can’t do anymore. It’s been a delight to watch her be able to perform these functions again, like when she was just a pup.

Yes, this technology rocks!

When she was around 12, we ordered model T3000 bionic bilateral hip replacements (BBHRs) that were equipped with air-cushioned shock absorbers to help her walk.

With help from the assistive device coupled with mega-nutrition-enhanced dog food, she is currently a ripe old age of 15—about 83 in human years, which is stellar for a dog of her pedigree.

I might be physically slower but I’m still quick-witted!

Just when some people think a family’s love can’t be any greater, any stronger, a dog comes along and enriches their lives.

Ah, shucks. I think I’m blushing under my fur.