Something Immortal

January 26, 2024

Pa thought I was too young. I thought that was nonsense, but now with it laying front of me, I’m rethinking everything I ever thought. Ever since I remember, my families been in the business. My father has taught me and trained me but held me back from my full potential. Why? Who knows, maybe he just wanted to be the best, maybe he knew what I was capable of. My mother was taken away from us at a young age, or maybe we were taken away from her. I was too young to remember and who knows with Pa. The man could have been born on mars and be able to fly and I would never know. If he ever felt any sort of pain, he didn’t show it. Now, sitting here, buzzing with…something, I don’t know what to say. I’m remembering my 6th birthday party, my father and I just moved to a very, very large penthouse in Nevada. He let me invite some of my friends from school which exited me immensely for it was the only time I had friends over. That day was one of the only days I’ve ever seen a smile on Pa’s face, and the only day where I felt like a normal child. Slowly, my peers and even my friends started growing away from me. I became motivated and focused, which they saw as cold and distant. The other kids called me “the machine”. It hurt me when I was younger, and my father pulled me out of public school when I was 11. All the better. School was just a distraction. Look where I am now, I needed no one, try holding me back now Pa! Again I sank back in my chair, proud, with a feeling in my body I had never felt before. A feeling a prisoner gets when they are let free, or the feeling a dog has when it is let out of its kennel. I had a feeling of freedom. Freedom. Something I had not had since one day in the 5th grade when me and my only friend, Annabel, wanted to go on an adventure. After school we ran home and threw our book bags on to our porches and set off. Annabel was going to ride her bike but she politely decided not to when she realized I didn’t have one. Off we trotted into the wetlands a few blocks away from my house. We caught frogs, saw cool gardener snakes, and splashed in the puddles in our bright red rain boots. Once the sun started setting we headed home, and boy was Pa outraged. He pushed me against a wall and said, “Where the hell have you been! You could be dead for all I know! I could’ve expected this, you go out everyday lalala putting MY ASS on the line! Go to your room! Im done with this bullshit.” It was something like that. Anyways, the next day as I put my book bag on he told me that I wasn’t going to school anymore. He pulled me out and was “homeschooling” me. Let’s just say he had a unique approach to teaching. I miss Annabel. I would kill to get her back. Anyways, back to reality. What should I do with it? I mean I don’t want to leave it here but I’m not sure if I have any other option. I guess I’ll just throw it away. I can clean up later. Although Pa always said to clean up the moment you were finished. But he can’t control me now. Screw him. Now that I think about it, I never really thought about what comes next, I guess whatever I want. Maybe I’ll go see Annabel. I’ve never really had choices like this before. I just hope I don’t get caught. Unlikely. I never get caught. I’m light on my feet, agile, I can jump down from a second story window onto bubble wrap and not make a noise. I could sit here for hours, the adrenaline is still pumping through my veins. I feel like I could go out and do it 1000 more times.

January 26 2030

Hey, it’s been a while. I can’t believe I actually wrote in this thing. Look at that, look how innocent she was. Distracted. She didn’t know her own abilities. Her talent and finesse. I can’t blame her, she was just a kid. She opened the gates for me. Now I am unstoppable. They don’t know where I am as much as who I am. All they know is my presence. I do what I want when I want. I am royalty among my people, and I am a ghost to everyone else. You fear me like you fear the dark. When you turn off the lights in your basement it is no longer demons behind you, it is me. You don’t know what I am or where I am, all you know is that I am. And that is enough. Enough to make you tuck your head under your blankets. Enough to make you pray when you see a shadow run by your window. I am nothing and everything. If you are reading this you know more than anyone. I’m sure you have heard of me. Maybe you heard I was a disease, or that I’m not real. Maybe your parents told you that I am from a book, or maybe they just avoided the topic. Maybe you think I’m a hero, or maybe I sit with satan in your mind. You are afraid. Afraid every night that you will hear the whisper in your ear. Afraid to go outside at nighttime. Afraid to bring me up in conversation. I don’t care about you. I don’t care about anything or anyone. I don’t care about what you heard or what I am. I am what the world needs. I will tell you once I will tell you twice, I will show up in your bedroom and engrave it into your forehead. I am fear.