The Research Proposal

Cassandra was lying on the sofa, “I have an idea.” 

“Hmm?” Ewan replied, a controller in his hand, his eyes glued to the screen “Oh, there! There!” He cursed, “He blocked my view!”

“I want to experiment,” Cassandra stared at the ceiling but her eyes were unseeing. “I want to know how love feels.”

“Uh huh--What the fuck--he left me alone! My teammates are shit!”

Cassandra ignored her friend’s complaints of his teammates on the game. “You had girlfriends, right?”

“Yeah,” Ewan seemed more receptive now. “What about it?”

“How many?”

“Two.”

“How long did you date them?”

“You know everything Cass,” he cursed again, “God, we’re losing. This is a ranked game for Christ’s sake!” A pause, “Didn’t I tell you everything? You were there when I dated both of them.”

“Yeah, yeah but I want to hear them again. Like the details.”

“Well my first was Angel--you know Angel?” Cassandra nodded although she knew he wouldn’t see her. He was too glued to the game. “Well, Angel was two months. Next was--49, get it, get it, get--fuck! Only one kill left! Dumbass game!” 

She felt something tickle her knee, she shook it away. “What’s that? It’s itchy, Ewan.”

“Let me use your knee as my pillow.” Ewan sighed, “Well, you know my second, Eliza. The popular girl. We dated for almost a year.”

Cassandra giggled, “She hated me.”

“Yeah, she saw you as a threat. She was jealous I prioritized you over her.”

“You didn’t though.”

“Sure, maybe. I don’t know. What’s all this anyway?”

Cassandra looked down and saw Ewan staring at the ceiling too. She looked back on the ceiling, “I want to feel how to be loved.”

“Your parents love you. I love you.”

“No, not family or friend love. I want romantic love. I want to feel how it is. To be in a relationship.”

“Uh huh, you’re too obedient to go against your parents. They don’t want you in a relationship and like the good daughter you are, you dutifully follow their order!.”

“Exactly. I know I’m too kind--too good of a daughter. Can’t help it. But I also want to be in a relationship, you know. Or what it feels like to be in a relationship.”

“Your parents already make a big deal if you sit beside a boy! Remember Travis? 7th grade? It was raining for Pete’s sake!”

“Yeah, yeah. Poor guy. He was really wet and shaking and wanted to get shelter from the rain.”

“Yeah, I’m telling you, it’s hard to get into a relationship with parents like yours doting on you every time.”

“But they let me go with you. Hang out with you. Like this.”

“Because I’m a friend. Family friend? I don’t know. We’ve known each other for so long Cass they see me now as their son. We’re basically brother and sister in their eyes.”

“But what if I don’t go against their no-dating and no-boys-beside-Ewan rule--Ah shit! Ewan! Don’t put your elbow on my thigh, you know how I hate that! It’s painful and ticklish.” Cassandra pulled herself to a sitting position on the sofa. Ewan was now facing her, his elbow propped on the place where her thigh had just been. He tipped his head to the side, his temple resting on the palm of his propped elbow. The game on the tv hummed, completely forgotten.

“And, how are you going to go around with this law?”

“I propose an experiment. It will be about how it feels to be in a relationship. Basically, we will do the things people in a relationship would do.”

“And who’s we?”

“You and I.”

“Wha--” Ewan laughed, “Cassy, is this because you’re in your withdrawal? Things are finally calm after a hectic finals and you’re itching to do something?”

“No! I really want to do this. I think it’s a nice idea.”

“Sure, whatever you say. Sounds ridiculous. Whatever people in a relationship do is just the same with people not in a relationship. They spend their weekends together. Lay on couches, talk, play video games.”

“I want to feel how it is like to be kissed by someone you love.”

“You want me to kiss you?”

“What?! No! What made you--”

“You said you want to feel how it is to be kissed by someone you love! And you want to do this little experiment with me!”

“What? Wait, let me backup.” Cassandra leaned forward, her legs crossed underneath her, “Here’s the game plan. We will do the top three things people in a relationship do. Should be done by the weekend. You and I. So, no dating and no other boys besides Ewan. I’m not going against my parents.” 

“Ah, here’s what I hear: spend a weekend with me playing pretend boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“No! It’s a scientific experiment. I will quantify how it feels to be in a relationship.”

“Look, Cassy. Do you know the top three things couples our age do? Eat, kiss, sex--”

“What?! Ew! Ewan!”

“What? It’s the truth! And those three are not even in a particular order!” 

“You’re gross.”

“Stop being a baby, we’re eighteen. We’re basically adults.” 

Cassandra stared at Ewan, “Have you done it, then? With your girlfriends?”

“Done what?”

“That--what you said!”

“What did I say?”

“The top three things couples our age do!”

“What are they?”

“You’re playing dumb, Ewan!”

“No, what did I do with them? What do you mean?”

“Did you do all three things you mentioned with your girlfriends?”

“Hmm, some.”

“What? Which? What some--which of the three?”

“You can take a guess.”

“Ewan!” 

“Ouch! Stop pinching me!”

“Have you done it? You can be honest with me!”

“Done what, exactly? Talk clearer so I can answer you properly!”

Cassandra bit her lip, “I mean, have you done it--have sex with them?”

Ewan laughed, “Oh! That’s what you meant--Ow! Why are you hitting me with a pillow now?”

“You’re playing dumb. Stop messing with me.”

“No, you’re playing dumb, taking so long to tell what I did. And no, I didn’t. I only kissed them. I wasn’t ready and neither were they. Well, Eliza was. I didn’t want to though.”

“Oh, well. That’s interesting.”

Ewan snorted, “Sure, interesting. Seriously though, jokes aside, people in a relationship do the same things as people in non-romantic relationships. There’s no difference but the level of relationship.”

“Uh huh. Well, I don’t trust you.”

“Look, woman, I’m the one here who has experience with dating, not you.”

“Are you up for it though?”

“What? Your little experiment?” She nodded. “Sure. Wait--is that your way of asking me out? Do you like me, Cassandra Lim?”

“No! Of course not! I mean I like you but not like like you!”

“Sure, sure Ms. Lim. All you had to do was ask, though. No need for this… mess.”

“Ew, Mr. Sanchez, your smile is disgusting. Don’t give me that flirty smile you flash to those random girls.”

“This flirty smile is known to make dozens of girls fall in love.”

“Ew! Why would you wink at me! You’re cringy. You know what? This was a bad idea--”

“No, no! Sorry, sorry. I won’t be cringy. Let’s do it, your little experiment. I will go. I’m up for it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, why not. Next weekend, is it?”

“How about tomorrow? You’re free?”

“Sure. I’m free as long as it’s you--ow! Cassandra!”

“Stop being greasy.”

“What will we do though? Eat, kiss and se--Ah!”

“I swear I’m going to stab you with this apple pencil if you don’t stop.”

“Fine! Fine! What are we going to do then?”

“A date--an experimental date. What do they do during dates?”

“Well, there are lots of things to do. How about you, when you ask someone out or someone asks you out, where would you like to go? What would you like to do? How about we make this a simulation of your future date? You know, see how it goes.”

“That’s what I’m talking about! Now you’re talking sense!”

“Uh, pretty sure you meant differently befo--No! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ll behave.”

“So, we’ll do three things. What do you think we should do?”

“What do you want to do?”

“Hmm, how about we do it tomorrow? Everything, all three.”

“Sounds good.”

“We’ll meet at my house. We’ll go to a cafe. My favorite one.”

“Uh huh.”

“We’ll eat there. Then, maybe we can go to the library, we’ll read--”

“What do you think a date is? A study session?”

“Don’t couples go to the library to have a date?”

“Not unless they want to have sex on the bac--Hey! Now you’re kicking me on the face? Do you want to go on a date with someone with a black eye?!”

“Not a library then. What’s another option? I want the third one to be an amusement park. We’ll end the day there.”

“Dad just gave me a new motorcycle. Maybe we can go for a ride?”

“Where?”

“Nowhere, just riding a motorcycle until we reach the amusement park. You haven’t tried it, don’t you?”

“Not really…”

“Well, this is your experiment, would you like to go on a cruise? On a motorcycle, by the way.”

“I’d like that. That’s new. Have you done that with others?”

“No, not really. I didn’t have any motorcycle to use back then.”

“Well, you could have rented but sure. Sure, why not?”

“Then, it’s settled then. Tomorrow. And then, we’ll have dinner in the amusement park. I’m sure they have something. I’ll drop you home after.”

“Sounds like a decent plan.”

“How about your parents though?”

“Ah, it’ll be just like other days. A day out with you. They know the drill.”

“Well, day out with me seems to be getting frequent. You sure they’re not going to worry? Maybe not allow you to go out?”

“Nah. As you said, they basically see us as brothers and sisters.”

“Ah, yeah, brothers and sisters…” Ewan trailed off, turning away from her.

“So, tomorrow afternoon? Around 3?”

“Sure, sure, I’ll text you.” 

“Great!” Cassandra stood up and picked up her bag from the floor. “I should leave now. See you!” She swung the strap of her bag on her shoulder and walked across the carpet but halted. She turned to see Ewan’s hand on her wrist.

“Aw! Ewan!” She groaned as Ewan pulled her arm to assist him on standing up. He stood taller than her. A foot or two taller than her. “What now?” She asked, annoyed.

Instead of replying, Ewan stepped forward and put a kiss on her forehead. It happened so fast. She didn’t know if she imagined it. It was different from anything they’ve ever done. They’ve been affectionate to each other, but as friends of course. They’ve placed kisses on cheeks, the forehead, on hands, but this one… it was different. It felt different.

She found herself looking up at him, quite unsure what she should feel--what she should say. Ewan only smiled, “That’s how you say goodbye to the person you just asked on a date.”

His smile wasn’t the sly smile he often wore when he teased her. It was genuine.