Massive Rubber Duck

It’s been like this for as long as I can remember. Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is go straight to the front door to find…ok, ok fine! First I get my coffee, because, well, coffee, but you’re not supposed to know that. Why? Because it’s the law to go to the door before anything else and find what’s there. So, I go right to the front door. Do I stop on my way to pet my adorable fluffy dog? No! Nothing would distract me from...ok, yes, I do stop to pet him, but so what? Anyways. At my ugly front door. I now struggle with the deadbolt, and then try to wrench open my extremely stiff door that has aged horrifically. Finally, after leaning back and pulling with all my strength, the door flies open and I fall down backwards, letting frigid air flow freely into my already freezing flat. But does this daunt me? Well, yes it does, but we’re going to skip over that. The only part that really matters is the package that will be sitting on my front mat, just like it has ever since I was 5 and aliens invaded. Since that’s not very relevant, I’ll just tell you that they instituted this law where you get a package every morning, containing some object that you will need later on that day. (More like you’d die without it, and it’s absolutely vital to your existence, but anyways.)The aliens then promptly took over: peacefully yes, but still. All the powerful positions were given to them, and we had to do as they wished. If we didn’t, then the aliens would take away our rights, and no one wants that. That’s why everyone dutifully picks up their parcels.

So, here I am, standing at my front door with my piping hot coffee and slightly drabby bathrobe hanging off my skimpy frame, staring down at the package at my slippered feet. I’m really not sure what to think. I glance up at my neighbors to see if their package is as weird as mine, but all of theirs are just the normal boxes from Alien Delivery Service. But mine is wrapped in this strange paper printed in a combination of paisleys, polka squares, and mini blue giraffes who look like they have a stomach ache. But the most crazy thing about it is the shape. It looks like a giant...no. Please let it not be! I snatch at my box and run inside to my kitchen table. When I tear the paper off, it reveals a giant rubber duck that is the brightest yellow that I’ve ever seen or heard of. And why do I need this huge inflated duck? I don’t even want to think about why this will be needed in my day. I’d like to think that it’s just for me to take a nice relaxing bath with, but I have a feeling that my luck isn’t that good. Over thinking it isn’t going to help though, so I set the duck down and shuffle back to my bedroom to get dressed. The fact that I got extremely sidetracked by lying lazily in my bed for 20 minutes isn’t really important. By the time I finally am ready, meaning I’ve thrown on some old tattered jeans and a hoodie that doesn’t have words on it so it looks more official, grabbed cereal and fed my dog, I’m already running late. I’d like to say that this spurred me into quickly running out to my car to leave, but first I forgot my coffee, and then I forgot to pet my dog, and then I remembered that I still didn’t have the rubber duck, so by the time I pulled away from my house, I was sweaty and tired and very late. 

I work at the mall. Is that lame for a 32 year old woman who is perfectly capable physically and mentally, (besides the fact that I’m addicted to coffee and perpetually exhausted) and who is relatively willing to work? Well, yes. However, like I said, when the aliens took over, they got all the good jobs and we got...well, I work as a janitor, for the entire mall. I do have the head position, however, so I don’t always have to clean. Sometimes I get to work in the offices for Universal Alien Cleaning Services. Those are the good days. 

Let’s just say I’m not the most clean person to exist. This doesn’t really match up with the fact that I’m a janitor, but whatever. So, I’m going through my day, toting around a giant yellow rubber duck, right? Of course, through the years, some people have gotten some pretty weird packages on their doorsteps, but still, people are staring. I wish they wouldn’t. I’ve just been assigned to go clean up some huge massive water spill in the food court, so it’s getting hard to carry Mr. Rubber Ducky. Pulling a massive cart full of mops, towels, paper towels, hair dryers (don’t ask why) and random other things that aliens think would clean up water, my duck has to be balanced on my shoulder, and my neck is getting a massive crick from holding him in place. 

Just then, my walkie talkie blares its static. 

“Hello Mz. Jenkins? We just got a report that this water spill is so large and deep that for now all you have to do is put a ‘Caution Wet’ sign in the middle. Thank you.” 

Great. Now I have to go wading through gross public water spills that are ‘deep.’ I don’t even want to know what that means. But just then I turn the corner and see it, and know what to do. Shoving my cart away, I grab my rubber duck and run, only stopping to snag the warning sign. There is a ginormous puddle stretching across the entire food court and I...I belly flop onto rubber duck and skid across the surface, spraying water up on either side. My day just went from worse to awesome. 

You never really know what a day will bring you.