Listen

Dear Diary, 

If my life were a movie, what would be the soundtrack? Would it be happy or sad? Would there be moments of such extreme noise and chaos that the pain would cripple hearts with screams for an unattainable reprieve, or would it be a collection of unexceptional, predictable moments, collecting dust upon a showcase of humdrum? I think I have waited my whole life for this answer. I have endured and labored to look back as I travel to a destination known by all who are born and understood by only those who live. As I depart on my journey I am witness to the long-awaited whispers from the melody of my own soundtrack. It is not long until I shall leave, so for now, I will listen. 

Dear Diary, 

I have departed and arrived, and this feeling of blissful wonderment is one that I have dreamed of. Sweet dreams, hungering dreams, damaging dreams of a place I have always pined for. As I witness a landscape that makes my heart stop, life for a quiet moment ceasing. I behold mountains of reminiscence displayed in front of me like a spread of gluttony sitting in front of a king. The light shadows of purple, frosting the tips of these mountains make me want to rest my head and enter into the forever sleep. I only allow myself a brief moment of relax for I must press on, but in this moment of relaxation, I listen. 

Dear Diary,  

Today I crossed waters to reach my mountain. They were terrible, chilling, restless, and perfect. Blackwaters of tumultuous turbulence. An obsidian trance enticing my ears to hear the shrieks of misery I have experienced while preparing for this crossing. As I looked into the ebony waves I could see the reflection of my shattered soul on its bumpy surface, but I could also see a shadow of a calm wistful promise made to all who endure human emotion, a promise of lasting peace. So took a step and flew, my imagination fracturing the illusion of impossibility. I flew over the dark waves and their awful promises to the safety of a warm shore and soft sand. And then I rested for tenacity trumps thundering turbulence. And I listened, not to the crashing of stormy seas….but the quiet peaceful echo of my soul singing. I just had to listen. 

Dear Diary, 

I have come upon a forest. The lush greenery sing a song of peace and happiness that makes my spirit blossom with nostalgia. I smile for I remember this feeling. In periods throughout my life I felt it. A humble smile here and there, a soft grin for the sweet euphoria that kept me high above the clouds focused on my endpoint, my last exclamation of thanks to the life I lived. I will travel to the peak and I will have reached an end that was long promised. A promise that has weighed on my lips since the moment I took my first breath. I can hear those stolen junctures of prosperity replacing the sounds of animals that would normally grace my ears. A delightful resonance only to be experienced by recollection when faced with the end of a grand story. I cry for those stolen moments, my tears becoming flora surrounding the ground where I sit, each flourishing a distant memory of my life spent. I am witness to a garden full of tears and memories. And among it again I hear my life in a sweet song sung throughout the treetops and flowers, and it feels like this time the whole world is listening. 

Dear Diary, 

Climbing that mountain my feet did not weary and my heart did not weep. And now I sit and think. I was born, I lived, and now I travel to the end. Every great story has an end, isn’t that why we listen. Whether it be a sad story that jerks tears and emotions of mourning, or a romantic story that makes our hearts flutter and cheeks blush, they entice us even though we know that an end is soon approaching. Life is the story and death is the ending, but I have always looked forward to endings. Without endings we would not value the beginnings. I embrace my final journey because I have cherished the road to get here. I am equipped with a belt full of regrets, but also a bag full of contentment. I did not waste in my preparation, I did not sit idly by as my journey approached, I danced so that I waltz, I smiled so that I beam, and I cried so that I weep. An exciting adventure awaits on the top of this mountain, one in which I am very frantic for because I have given my all in this life to supply an eternity of entertainment for myself in the next life. Now all that is required of me is to play the record I have assembled and whenever I want to feel alive I listen. 

Dear Diary, 

I climbed those mountains to the very top just like in my perfect Fantasy for this respite, and when I reached the peak, I touched the stars. Angels blood spilling out over the night sky calling me home, a paradise prepared for me because of every breath I have chosen to take, even though it made my whole body shake with fear of the unknown. But fear is a question and courage is the answer just like how life is a locked door and death is the key. This feeling of perfect harmony with the will of the universe where even life can’t get in the way. I think my soundtrack was unique in the sense that it wasn’t afraid of ending. Every moment was one of feeling and undressed vulnerability because why hide the music when it plays for you. I lived so that I could reach the stars, they twinkle the promise of death which is just another destination where I can make new music and this time… the whole universe will listen.