Sleepless Nights

I laid on my back staring up at the ceiling. Olly had her back turned towards me, asleep. I laid there for about an hour, subtly tossing and turning. I couldn't take it anymore. Carefully sitting up, I swung my legs over the bed and stepped forward with my right foot. Except I didn't have a right foot or right leg for that matter, so I fell on the floor with a soft thud.

I bit my lip and groaned quietly. When the pain subsided enough, I leaned against the bed. Looking at my leg, I ran my hand across the empty spot where it used to be; now a nub replaced it.

The bed shifted, and Olly rolled over.

"Quinn?" She called groggily.

I didn't answer. I know I should have, but I didn't. I heard her get out of bed and come around to the other side. She rubbed her eyes sleepily.

"Why are you on the floor?"

I didn't answer again. Do you know how stupid it would sound if I said I forgot I don't have a leg? She sat down next to me, laying her head on my shoulder.

"Bad dream?"

I scoffed, "Bad reality."

She laughed softly. I ran my hand back across the stump. Camdeon said I could be fitted for my prosthetic soon, but truthfully, I didn't want it. I wanted my leg back. I knew I couldn't actually, but I didn't care. I was tired of walking with crutches, taking antibiotics, leg strengthening exercises. I was tired of the nightmares and sleepless nights. I was just tired.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Olly held my face in her hand. For a minute, I didn't know what she was talking about. She wiped a tear off my face, and I realized I had been crying.

"Quinn, I can't help if you don't talk to me."

She was right. I knew she was right. But there was so much wrong I didn't even know where to start. Tears fell faster down my face as I choked back a sob. Olly cradled my head against her chest, rocking softly.

She didn't say anything. She understood. She knew I was tired, and frustrated, and angry. I pushed myself off her chest and looked at her.

"I'm sorry."

She looked at me, puzzled.

"I've been awful ever since," I gestured to my nub.

She pressed her forehead against mine, then pulled away.

"Let's go get something to eat."

She stood up and grabbed my crutches from the foot of the bed. I pushed myself up and sat on the edge of the bed, taking my crutches from Olly. I had gotten pretty good at getting around with them. I only fell like seven times. We headed to the common kitchen, passing the big glass windows on the way. It was pitch black except for the stars.

When Olly and I got to the kitchen, we heard quiet laughing. Sannah, Kai, and Camedon were sitting around the counter.

"Guess we weren't the only ones who were hungry." Olly joked.

The others turned around smiling, Sannah offered us some lavender tea and lemon scones. Camedon gave me his seat and grabbed a chair for Olly.

"So how long have y'all been up?" I asked, taking a bit of my scone. "Follow up, who made these? I said, holding up the scone.

"Well, Kai got up about an hour ago, Sannah about half an hour later, and I never went to sleep." Camdeon answered, "Oh, and Cece made the scones."

Olly sipped her tea. "Is she ok?"

Cam shrugged. "About as okay as she can be. Has she talked to Ophelia?"

Kai shook her head. " Ben said Nicholas told him that Cece barely leaves her room."

"But can you blame her?" Olly chimed in. " I mean, her cousin basically said she killed her brother."

"Yeah, but she did." I cut in. "The issue isn't what Phea said, it's how she said it. It was wrong, plain and simple."

The others nodded in agreement.

"Ophelia wants to apologize," Kai said, "but Cece won't talk to her."

"I'll try and talk to her today," I said, stifling a yawn.

The others laughed.

"We should probably try and get some sleep," Camdeon said, standing. "Cece said she wants to look over the map again and try to form some sort of plan."

"Right, form a plan against the guy who whispers insecurity in your ears and has no known weakness, I'm sure we'll have this solved by dinner," Sannah joked.

The others went back to their rooms. Olly and I headed outside to sit on the big porch swing. Fireflies and sprites flashed randomly around the yard.

I put my leg up, and Olly laid in my lap, head on my chest.

"What did you mean when you said that you're been awful to me?"

I twirled one of her braids around my finger. "When Cam said we have to amputate my leg, I begged you to tell him no, but when he realized it was between my leg or my life, you told him to cut it off. And I know why, it was an obvious decision, but a part of me still hated you for it because it felt you ignored what I said."

Olly pushed herself up. " It wasn't an easy decision." She sighed," I knew what you wanted, but I knew I couldn't lose you. And yeah, while you were pretty terrible, I can't say I blamed you. I probably would have been too. But for me, the choice was between doing what you wanted and losing you forever or doing what was best and losing you from my life."

I gently pulled her towards me a softly kissed her lips.

" I think we're in a position where we have to make necessary choices, good or bad, so we might hurt some feelings and we might get a little pissed off at each other, but hopefully it'll all work out."

Olly smiled and lay back down. I had started to drift off when I heard laughing softly.

" What's so funny?"

"I can't sleep."