Soup

“Course, machine 5 was down, so we had to run 7, and you know what 7’s like. You might as well do the whole thing manually, it’s so slow. Anyway, Foreman Stokes got extra hands in, and we finished the batch just about on time – well, a little late, if the truth be told, but we got it done, thank Brother, and that’s the important thing, right? John?”

“Sorry, what?”

“I said, that’s the important … you haven’t heard a word I’ve been saying, have you?”

“Sure! Something about your machine being down. That’s too bad.”

“No, I … ah, never mind. Where have you been?”

“Right here with you, Harry. In the canteen. In this queue … that doesn’t seem to want to move.”

“It’s the maize, I think. They’re bringing some more out, look.”

“Whoopee-doo! As long as we’ve got maize.”

“Shush! What are you trying to do? Get us docked credits?”

“If I see another dollop of mashed maize…”

“Look, what’s got into you? You really are going to get us into trouble. Or just yourself if I ignore you.”

“Okay.”

“What?! Hey! What’re you looking at? … Ah, I see. I should’ve asked who you’re looking at!”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“All the time we’ve been talking––”

“You.”

“What?”

“All the time you’ve been talking.”

“Funny! All right. All the time I’ve been talking, you’ve been looking at that female at the back of the queue there.”

“Woman.”

“Stop it! Stop using all this subversive language or I will ignore you.”

“Is that a promise?”

“You can’t be using words like wo… like the word you just used, and you know it.”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Why not?! Why not, he says. You know full well why not. Because the Corporation doesn’t allow it, that’s why not, and … gosh, I don’t even know why I’m trying to reason with you.”

“Then don’t try.”

…

“What I want to know is what’s happened to you. It’s like you woke up this morning a completely different person.”

“Man.”

“What?”

“Man. I’m a man. Spelt M-A-N. Man.”

“Stop it, please!”

“Why?”

“I told you why. The Corporation.”

“No need to whisper. No one’s interested in what we’ve got to say.”

“Are you sure?”

“And even if they were interested, we’ve got nothing to hide, have we?”

“I haven’t!”

“Good for you.”

“But look, John, you can’t go round talking like words don’t matter.”

“Oh, they matter. More than you can imagine.”

“Stop speaking in ridd–– ah, here we are. Maize and onions, please. … Thank you.”

“Same, I suppose. … Thanks.”

“Now, where shall we sit?”

“Over there, by the window.”

“Well spotted. Great! We can watch them working on the loading bay!”

“Whatever turns you on.”

“What did I say a few moments ago?!”

“Quit whispering, will you? That’s what’ll get us into trouble. It’ll seem like we have secrets.”

“I just want you to stop with all that crazy language. And stop staring at that female!”

“Woman.”

“Whatever. You know what the punishment for … you-know-what is, don’t you? Or even mentioning it in passing?”

“Docked credits?”

“Now you’re just making fun of me. No! It’s digging irrigation ditches!”

“At least we’d be working in the open air.”

“You!”

“Me?”

“You’d be working in the open air! Hang on! Oh, no! I think she’s … she’s heading this way! Gosh darn it!”

“Is this seat free?”

“No, I’m afraid not.”

“Sure!”

“John, I don’t think––”

“Thank you. Ooh, nice view of the loading bay.”

“My friend likes it, too.”

“Good taste!”

“So how’re you doing today, Melanie?”

“I’m absolutely top-notch, John, thank you for asking. And how are you … two.”

“I’m also top-notch, but my friend, well – he’s a little worried.”

“Oh dear. What about?”

“Me.”

“Us, if anyone hears this!”

“Hello, I don’t think we’ve met. Melanie.”

“Er … Harry. How do you do?”

“He’s very polite, isn’t he?”

“It’s his middle name.”

“So…”

“So…”

“Maize again, I see.”

“I like maize.”

“You’re mad, Harry!”

“What have we been saying John?!”

“Ooh, what have you been saying.”

“Can’t tell you – it’s a secret.”

“John! Don’t even joke about it, I’m begging you.”

“All, right. Sorry. Now, where were we?”

“Talking about maize.”

“That’s right, and Harry said he liked it, and I said … but let’s change the subject. How about that soup yesterday, Melanie?!”

“Soup?”

“Yeah, you know. Soup!”

“Ah, yes … the soup. It was good.”

“Just good?”

“Very good.”

“Just very good?”

“All right, magnificent. The best soup I’ve ever had.”

“That’s more like it. And what was it you liked best about the soup?”

“I don’t know … the fact that it started off hot and just got hotter and hotter?”

“I agree. And what about the croutons?”

“Ah, the croutons! I’d never had croutons before.”

“Really! I always think they make the soup.”

“I’ll be sure and always add croutons in future.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“But you know what I liked best about yesterday’s soup?”

“Go on.”

“Right at the end, there was that cream at the bottom.”

“Yeah, that was my favourite bit, too.”

“I wonder when soup might be on the menu again.”

“Next week, maybe.”

“Can’t wait. Well, that maize was … extremely functional. But now I must love you and leave you. John? Harry?”

“See you, Melanie!”

“Yes, goodbye … er …”

“What a lovely woman.”

“Female!”

“Okay, but you agree she’s lovely?”

“She’s … a very pleasant person, yes.”

“Woman!”

“Gosh darn it, John! Now. What was all that about soup?”

“Soup?”

“Yes, soup! You were talking with … her … about soup. But we didn’t have soup yesterday. In fact, I can’t remember the last time we had soup. And as for cru … cro …”

“Croutons.”

“As for them, I don’t even know what they are!”

“They’re actually little square bits of fried bread that you can put on the soup to make it taste nicer.”

“Well, we didn’t have … those things on our soup, ever! So what are you – what were you – talking about?”

“The best soup I’ve ever had.”

“John, I worry about you.”

“No need. I’m … ah, there goes the siren. Back to it.”

“Yep. I hope they’ve fixed machine 5.”

“I do hope your hope comes true.”

“Don’t be sarcastic.”

“Sorry.”

“But soup?!”

“Yeah. The best!”