Last chance to Live

I stare out the train window, watching the silhouettes of trees and distant mountains passing by. The moon illuminates the snow so that it sparkles and glistens on the mountain tops. I haven’t seen scenery like this in years and it helps bring a calmness to me. I know I should be sleeping because it is the middle of the night, but I keep having moments of anxiety. I can’t help but worry that he will find a way to find me. I look at my watch. A Walmart watch that I bought last week, while I was supposed to be strictly grocery shopping. 

Charlie’s rules.

I always found time to slip a few items in for myself. It was the only thing I had to look forward to. Charlie would check the receipts of course, but I always made a separate purchase. He didn’t know that I had a stash of money I had been stashing for years. He never realized that when he would get wasted and pass out that I always took money from him. Charlie would go out the bars and then come home blackout wasted. He would almost always come home angry. It never ended well for me, but afterwards I would always compose myself and then find his wallet and go through it. Charlie never said anything to me or suspected anything because he never knew how much money he spent at the bar. He just assumed he spent it.

I had managed to save five thousand dollars over a three year period thanks to him. 

This is what always kept me going. This day. The day I leave him. 

It is 1:50. 

Charlie will be home soon. He will find out that I left and then he will be very angry with me. He will lose his temper like he always does and he will destroy anything he can get his hands on in the house. I am grateful that I am not there. Then Charlie will start looking. He will look for me until he finds me.

I know this to be true with all of my heart. 

He has told me before that if I ever left him that he would kill me. He told me that he would find me and kill me. Charlie would remind me every chance he got, but I also knew that if I would have stayed with him I would have died. I knew that sooner or later he would take things too far and I would be dead. It was just a matter of time. 

At least now, I have a chance. I have a chance to live. I will always be looking over my shoulder, but at least I have a chance. That is all I want.

That is all I ever wanted. 

I am grateful that the train isn’t packed and that I am able to sit next to an empty seat. My bag is sitting on the seat and my entire life is inside of that bag. I didn’t take much except for clothes and the money I had saved. I wanted to be able to run with the bag if I needed to. I will buy more stuff, in time. It is all replaceable.

My life isn’t.

I didn’t have a lot of belongings when I met Charlie. I was a bartender at a well known club, downtown. I had left home as soon as I turned eighteen because my family life wasn’t the greatest. My mom was using drugs all of the time and she had a shit boyfriend. My mom never really took care of me. I had been taking care of myself since I was very young. I don’t know how I made it but I did. I always promised myself that I would never end up with a shit boyfriend like my mom but here I am with a shit husband.

I had just started to make some money and get on my feet when Charlie came into the club one night. He was very handsome and confident and I liked that about him. He came in and sat at the bar the entire night and he ordered whiskey neats. Each time I made him a drink, he would watch me with his piercing, blue eyes. I thought his eyes looked kind. Obviously, I was very wrong. He watched me all night. He never left the bar. He had friends that kept telling him to come dance, but he wouldn’t go. As it came closer to the bar close time, he tried to talk to me but I was so busy that I didn’t have time to talk to him. 

The lights came on and it was time to go. 

When Charlie closed his tab, he left me a sixty dollar tip and on the receipt he had written his phone number.

It also said, 

call or text me I would really like to take you on a date if you’re interested. - Charlie

I was always getting hit on at the club. It happened so much that I always just threw the napkins or receipts away but for some reason I decided to keep Charlie’s. I didn’t have the intention of calling him or texting him. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t date until I was on my feet. I had watched my mom let men come into her life and take over. She always did what they wanted. She put the men in her life before everything, even me. I promised myself I would never do that. 

I close my eyes and I try to remember my mom’s face. I miss her, even after all she put me through. I wish I could go see her now, but I know that isn’t an option. Charlie will look for me there, first. 

He knows everything about my life. I told him everything because I thought that he just wanted to get to know me but now I know why he wanted every detail. It was so that I would have no place to go. No one to help me. He wanted me to feel helpless. He wanted my body and soul to be his and his only.

I drift off to sleep but a bad dream and the train coming to a stop rip me from sleep. 

My heart is pounding and I am drenched in sweat. 

The sun is coming up and I can see that we have stopped in a small town. Our first scheduled stop. I hope that enough people get off here so that no one comes to sit next to me. 

I look out the window and I can see people hugging and saying their goodbyes. There is a line of people waiting to get on the train. I grab my bag and put it on my lap. 

I can only see a few people getting off of the train. As the line of people getting on the train start to enter. I spot Charlie. He is at the end of the line. 

I stare at him frozen. I know I need to move but I can’t. I just watch as the line gets shorter and he gets closer. 

When Charlie enters the bus, I know it is too late for me to leave.

How did he find me? He must have come home after work instead of going straight to the bar. I don’t understand how he knew. 

It is then that we lock eyes. He smiles. An evil smile. One that I know too well. One that I know means I am in for a beating. I know it will be my last one. 

Well, hello my beautiful wife. Is this seat taken? 

I don’t answer him. I just clutch my bag. He sits down next to me and tries to kiss my cheek. 

I turn away. I can tell this enrages him but he can’t do anything here with all of these people around. 

Charlie doesn’t know that I purchased a small handgun months ago with blackout money. 

I slip my hand in the bag and I find the gun. I grip it tightly and point it towards him.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

I can’t go back to hell.

I squeeze the trigger.

The end.