The Usual Dinner

The sky is upset, its dark clouds bursting with emotions. The droplets of water perfectly falls similarly with how tears cascade down my face. 

As I glance down the chopped onions, another batch of tears escaped my eyes. I tried blinking it away but miserably failed, so I went to the sink to wash my hands and face.

I heaved a sigh before wiping the water off using a paper towel. I turn around, facing the countertop when my eyes caught the wall clock.

Thirty minutes to six.

I immediately reach for the pan and heat it. I lost track of the time as I was busy thinking about my husband and the suspicious feeling I’ve been having for weeks now.

Preparing dinner reminded me of how my husband woke up early today to prepare breakfast.

I was surprised when I entered the kitchen. It has been such a long time since he cooked. And seeing him hastily prepare the sandwiches when he saw us entering the kitchen touched my heart. 

It made me forgive him for missing dinner last night. But it wasn’t the same for our son.

John didn’t looked pleased despite his father’s effort. His face was grim, lips tightly pursed as he walk past his father to grab his usual bottled coffee in the fridge.

My husband eyed him and disapprovingly shook his head. John’s face only softened when he approached me to say goodbye, saying he had to go to the university early.

I nodded and told him to drive safely. John made his way out of the kitchen but looked back just when he was almost out of my sight.

“I’ll be home before dinner,” he said. I smiled and watched him disappear from my sight.

I faced my husband who was now sipping his coffee. I settled on my usual sit and grab a piece of sandwich. The bread was toasted and was half burnt but I didn’t voice it out. 

He started talking about the recent deal he closed and how he was chosen as their company’s representative on an international business conference. I nodded and smiled in response. I was too afraid to say anything, thinking that I might spoil the mood if I blurt out an unnecessary remark.

We then started talking about politics when his phone rang. An unregistered number showed up. Seeing it, he hurriedly excused himself to answer his ‘private’ call. 

I was left alone in the table, wondering what the call was about. But deep inside I knew what it was or more specifically, who it was. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself that’s why I kept on convincing myself that the call was purely about business.

My gaze fell on my husband’s plate. I quietly stared at it with a lump in my throat and tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.

I tried calming myself and went back to eating my burnt sandwich. A few minutes passed, he came back sweating. 

“I…….I have to go, there’s a bit of a problem in the office,” he said while trying to avoid my gaze. 

I tried to smile at him to at least assure him that it was fine. “Hmm, what about later? Are you coming home late again?” I asked. I tried making my voice sound normal but it was dripping of venom and sarcasm. 

He shook his head and promised me that he’ll be home before six. 

“I really need to go, sorry,” he turned his back against me and left the room. I stood up and went after him. He was already in the living room, putting his coat on. I helped him with it, also fixing his tie along the process.

“What do you want for dinner then?” I casually asked.

 He looked up and paused for a second. “Anything will do, steak or pasta would be fine.” 

I forced a smile and gave him his attaché case. I even walked him to the garage and watched him enter his car. 

“Dinner’s at six,” 

He nodded at what I said and drove off. As his car disappear from my sight, I silently hoped that he won’t break his promise and that he’ll prove me wrong of what I’m secretly suspecting him with.

I let out a heavy sigh as I once remembered his promise. I tried setting aside my doubts and focused in cooking. I was really looking forward for today’s dinner that I prepared a lot. I cooked their favorite dishes and made their favorite desserts. The table was also perfectly set.

Everything might have been a little bit extra but it doesn’t really matter. It has been such a long time since we’ve had a proper dinner with all of us present.

Since John went to college, he had been a lot busier than before. There were even times that he’d stay at his university dorm and would only come home during weekends.

My husband on the other hand, well for the past year he became busier with work. It’s either he’d come home late or he’s out of the country for business stuff.

The only time I can say that we’re complete and eats every meal together is during holidays.

It was hard on my part seeing my family slowly slip away. Especially my husband. For months now, I know the reason behind his sudden disappearances and about him coming late every night due to work.

But I never opened it up to him because I’m afraid of confirming my doubts about our relationship.

It’s also the reason why John’s been distant with his father. He’s smart and he knows that something’s going on.

That’s why, with this dinner I am hoping that I can fix whatever turmoil we have. Besides, we’re family. Having dinner is the easiest way for us to open up about our problems.

I once glanced again at the wall clock. Just ten more minutes before six. I went upstairs first to fix myself. 

I then went back to the kitchen to check everything. When I was already okay with how things looked, I settled down on my usual spot and waited for my family.

I kept glancing on my phone to check the time and if there are any messages. A few minutes passed and it was already six. 

I tried telling myself that maybe they got stuck in the traffic or maybe John’s still busy with school. I poured myself a glass of water and tried calling my husband but to no avail, he was out of reach.

I placed my phone back on the table. I was fighting the urge to cry as I sat there all alone. With each passing minute, I was grew more fidgety.

It was already six-thirty when I stood up to get myself a bottle of wine. I thought that drinking a glass of it might help me calm down. I tried calling my husband and John again but no one answered my call.

I was halfway through the bottle when I heard a car entering our place. I paused for a minute, not knowing what to do when I heard fast footsteps towards the kitchen. I immediately stood up.

The sight of my son panting surprised me that it brought me to tears. It was already past seven and he was finally home.

His eyes roamed around the place until it landed on me. He had a questioning look on his face and I instantly know what his question was.

I shook my head and bit back a sob. John rushed to hug me and I instantly broke down. 

In that moment I realized that we were no longer the family my husband would go home to and eat his dinner with.

Was this the reason why he prepared our meal earlier? Because he could no longer have dinner with us like before?

John hugged me ‘till I calmed down. 

“I’m sorry, I had to finish our group paper,” he explained.

“I wanted to go home early but then...”

I nodded and wiped my tears. “No, it’s okay. I understand.”

I made him sit and started serving him his favorite food. 

“It doesn’t matter. The important thing is you’re here. Let’s not make the food wait any longer,” I said. 

John nodded as a response, his face full of worry and regret. I then sat at my place and reached for his hand to say grace.

This day may not have been like the usual. But as we sat together for our meal, it had been clear to me that this will be my new usual.