The Threshold

Today is someone's birthday. It's her birthday. It's that woman birthday along with her nonsensicality.

You don’t exactly understand why you do this, but you don’t do it. You just stare your phone with such distinct dispassionate. It makes you out of love with your day and you don’t even care anymore. That silly little group blast up with unstoppable notifications. It explodes with constant rapid fire. The 'ding sound' irritates you and as it displays a numerous kind words to wish her well. Most of them are lacking in purity. They are insincere and filled with overrated etiquette and custom. It is plastic best-wishes and a string of short-lived kudos. None of them are real. You actually know how much they resent her. They do that just because she is supposed to be someone you respect.

But you know you're better than this. You know your anger and pride don’t necessarily deserve their own spotlight. But, do you truly know yourself?

You learn and rediscover your circumstances. You're calculative toward the past. When the image of what she did finally hits you, the adrenaline starts to rush and the anger seeps to your soul. You talk yourself out of it and end up to type something on the screen. But again, you delete it because you have your reason. You have your rationale.

But now you know. You're confident that this is not based on any combination of revenge, anger, resentment, and disappointment. It's vivid and yet you don’t have your label to name it. It is silly after all to imagine if this is the only coolest thing you can come up to enact that vendetta. This probably the bleakest revenge ever if you decide to pull this one.

In five second, you settle for an argument. You're sure that a bag of fury doesn’t naturally

ingrain in you. It's never been a conducive soil to plan your grow. However, you can't deny that quiver sensation you feel right now. It's light and it’s vibrant. It's so wrong yet so right.

In the next minute, you convince yourself that you've paid a fair share of those nonsense. You’ve given enough benefit of the doubt. And now, enough is enough. You don’t need to participate any longer in that nonsensical predicament. You don’t need to be kind to the bully and the abuser. Enough is enough and this is enough. You want to move on to another "supposedly important" nonsense. You start to pity your bullshit threshold, when you realize how it starts to reach its upper limit. Before you know it, it's another breach already. Then it slaps you again. Congratulation, you’ve just jumped from one breach to the other.

You're back to be the reminiscer and now you’re the psychic. For reason you may know, you can see the future clearly along with its vivacity. She will pull out some gesture of fake kindness to you and you’ll know what it will be. It will be filled with synthetic sympathy and plastic "hey, how are you?". But it will not just be empty, but also unforgiving. She doesn’t care. She will ask it just to portray of a persona that she wishes for herself. You end up promise one thing to not feel guilty about it. Again, you have your reasons and you don’t apologize for it.

You think about your plan to treat yourself well this weekend and to shower yourself with “self-love”. You want to indulge in that wonderful spas, brightening masks, and that cup of tea. You want to be kind to yourself this weekend. Then you realize, they're just a small part of it. Mainly, it has to entail an awareness of what is important and what is not, based on its importance by what you think and see, and not how society constructed you to see.

They told you to be kind and suggested "the other cheek" tactic for a quick fix. But you find that suggestion funnily counterproductive. You laugh for it. You smell a spot of superiority in that strategy. It doesn’t feel pure. They do it for the sake of ‘diversification’, so they don’t end up with the same box as the other person. Therefore, their fake forgiving is superiority in disguise. It's their way to distinct themselves form "the other species"--the cruel one. You don’t feel it's right. You don’t want to be grandiose. You just want to find you own reasons.

The realization wakes you up. You know now that you might have been "the other species" already. You're the cruel one and you may never be the same person anymore who is strong and able to give the other cheek. Maybe you already lost that naivete a long time ago. Now, you're on a subtle shift to be this villain who lost one's sight of one's truly was.

Then, after a couple seconds of silence, a new mantra comes up. "I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.” and it goes on and on in perpetuity along with some combination of profanity. There, and in that short-lived contentment, you finally understand how impishly liberating it is to strategically to not care to something.

I bet you're going to encounter different type of nonsense in the future. And for many reasons, you won't be able to use the same mantra anymore. You won't be able to use "I don’t care anymore". But, one thing I know for sure, you'll be alright. I hope that new nonsense will be more challenging and more appealing to be played.

One thing that you need to emphasize is this: you can make the unnecessary decision--by do nothing.

Nothing is not a weakness. Sometimes it takes courage to do nothing. You don’t always have to be kind and helpful. You don’t have to reply those messages or pick up the unnecessary phone calls. You're going to be fine, whatever that definition will demand in the future.

So, there you go. Whatever you've resolved may open for another session of interrogation. Whatever haunted you will find its way back to be more ghostly. You accept that premise. You start to breath—calmly. You repeat that new mantra, you lock that phone, and put it on the table.

You go on with your day and think very seriously about that spa.