Friends with Benefits

(Sexual Encounter)

Thinking back to my childhood, I can clearly remember sneaking into my dad's Playboy magazine stash and gazing at the beautiful women and their big boobs. I would later return to my room and play with myself, imagining those women being with me. Little did I know that this was the start of something much bigger than myself.

In college, I'd talk to other girls about their sexual escapades, but I was a virgin until I was 18. So many boys kept telling me, “Look me up when you hit 18. I ain’t no jail bait.”  I knew that I was supposed to have sex with boys, but I still often thought about my college roommates. I never said anything to anyone about my hidden feelings because I thought something was wrong with me. However, I had one roommate who was almost six feet tall, with long, brown hair, and freckles. I don’t know if she had been with women before, but I just kept feeling like she probably had and wondered if I could ever be brave enough to ask her. Sadly, I never crossed that bridge because I was at a Christian college and I worried that my interest in women would be regarded as blasphemy. Being black was hard enough without adding another reason for someone to not accept me.

Once I married a man, the typical discussion of having a threesome reared its ugly head like it does in a lot of marriages. I often got excited thinking about the opportunity to be with another female, but these were just silly daydreams from an inexperienced woman. Growing up in a religious home taught me better and I never expected to have a lesbian experience. I just assumed that everyone likes thinking about having sex with someone of the same gender. I had learned long ago that I really enjoyed watching lesbian porn. And, Netflix offers a plethora of lesbian movies which were well-written and would often tear at my heartstrings. So many times, I thought about how difficult it would be to fall in love with a woman and have to hide my feelings forever and ever.

Working a job every day gets pretty monotonous unless you make friends with your coworkers. Some of us actually spend more time with our work families than we do with our actual families. I've always been personable and interested in other people, so it made sense that I made friends with my one coworker named Sally. She was clearly a butch lesbian, and I'd been attracted to women like her all my life. Every day, we made a point to give each other a big hug at the start of the day. The first time we ever hugged, I remember my breasts tingling at the touch of her body rubbing up against mine. As we got to know each other a little more, I felt comfortable enough to share with her my lesbian interests. A few days later, she invited me to join her for dinner after work to get to know each other better.

We had a great time laughing and telling our deepest secrets. I felt so comfortable with her that I decided to take a chance and tell her that I'd really like to have a friend with benefits. Sally was hesitant because she'd never done anything like that before, but she reluctantly agreed to give it a try. A couple of days later, I invited her to my place where we did the deed. It was supposed to just be sex and nothing more, but my mind and body couldn't separate from the longing desire for something deeper, something more. Every kiss, every touch, set my heart aflame, and I knew there was no turning back. No sex was had, only a graceful dance of two loving souls searching and finding what we'd always been looking for. Love had encompassed my entire being, and there was no turning back.

“I am so glad that you were willing to try to be friends with benefits,” I said.

“Me too, but I didn’t think I could go through with it, but once we kissed, I decided to go with the flow,” Sally said.

“I have to be honest with you, Sally. Although I set out for a casual relationship with you, I know it’s turned into something else. I feel a deep connection with you, and I don’t want to lose you. You are so much more than just a friend to me.”

“Ditto. You’ve captured my heart and I’ll never let you go,” Sally said.

And that is how I found my true love, my soulmate, my woman. All these years, I’d been searching for a man, but every man had feminine qualities. Now, I realize that I was actually looking for a woman with masculine qualities instead. Too many times in our lives, we’ve pushed away our true feelings, just hoping to fit in with everyone else. With my chocolate skin, I knew I’d never fit in, but I still tried my best. The Bible teaches that God made Adam and Eve, and that’s all I knew. For years, I thought something was wrong with me, that I was broken. I wasn’t. I was just trying to live my life to please others and to not rock the boat. Our hearts know what they want, but our minds take control of everything.

I know I enjoyed being with a man, but nothing could have prepared me for what I feel when another woman touches me or holds me in her arms. The tingling doesn’t go away because I feel like there’s an energy field surrounding our bodies. No one can explain why some people are attracted to the same gender, and I’m not even going to try. All I do know is that I feel normal and I feel like I fit in when I’m with Sally. For once in my life, I don’t focus on other people’s opinions or strange looks. I am happy, and I am in love. I am lesbian, so hear me roar!