So what Changed

I didn't have a bad haircut. I repeat not a bad haircut! I got just a haircut. When I left the shop my haircut evoked nothing that would seem like it was bad.

I walked with my head held high. I appeared to all as a person that was very proud of their hair. Let the record state ! This was not a bad haircut.

I may have been having a bad day ,a bad month, or a bad year. I could see if I was trying to make a change from a bad time I you put a lot on this thing that is a haircut, I knew i could not yes should not but I did!

I would like to say that day when I went to get my haircut that everything was fine. I was acting like my life was together. I was acting like the day was just another day. I was just a woman, a female like any female going to get a haircut.

I knew the baber, he was our family person. I had met him a couple of time. I think i met him more than tha over the time my family had been going to him. The person that was our baber did a fantastic job. Everyone in my family that came away from him came away with a fantastic cut. There was no reason to blame him.

I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I ever sat in his chair i would not only love but would appreciate the work done on my head to my hair.

I figured I might have to wait for a few minutes. I was prepared for that wait. I thought the wait might be at least an hour due to his popularity. I came armed with the tool I deemed necessary for a wait. I would not watch what was on tv. I knew that usually in a barbershop there was usually a sports game or talk show on. I could deal with that.

I came with one of my favorite people in the world. i came with mu sonshine. I like the play on the word son. I am smiling as i write this because i was looking forward to the spending of time with my person.

As I sat waiting my turn, my son was next, I wasn't really thinking about anything. I was hoping that the barber got my style right. I was hoping that at this milestone age i would look different. I also wanted to feel different. I was hoping that when i left with my shoulders back and my head held high, I would be that new person. I was wanting to embrace the passing of time. I felt like with all that was going on around me that I had some acceptance.

I knew that everything was as well as it could be. I knew that the sun was in fact shining on the outside. I knew that I would be able to revert back to me in time. I knew that if i had nostalgia of longer hair, I could go into my bag at home and pull out some hair to hide what i might consider a mistake.

I am in the chair. I have shown the barber the style I want. I cant look at my toll of choice to block off the sound of the beginning of my exposure! I know as an enlightened person I hid behind my glasses. while getting my haircut i learned that its possible to hide behind hair.

I had a news flash! A bif head of hair can be a great hiding place. Well i'll just be ! I want you to insert your word of choice after the I'll be. I could fell the exposure. I felt exposure of scalp, I also felt the exposure of thoughts. I felt the exposure of my feelings. While my hair was being removed it seemed like people could actually see my thoughts.

Well dam! this haircut may not be good. The haircut may have been a bad idea. I start thinking that things that have been trying to hide and just keep to myself are now exposed. I can now see my worries. I now feel that you can see them also.

I would like to think that no I was not hiding from anything. I want you to continue to see me as the shining heroine in the story called my life was in fact me. The things that seem to be falling in place are falling in place. The tears that don't necessarily fall from my eyes are still in my head. I know that with one little hair cut all are exposed.

I am now thinking that was once a good, clean, new haircut that was supposed to give me some great good hair days will now give me a few months of bad hair days. I am starting to feel like I want to ask our barber can he, will he please, please, please put my hair back! I want to go back to hiding. I want to continue hiding behind my glasses. I want to continue hiding behind my hair, which by the way, is becoming a work of art.  

I have a big head of hair. I worked hard to get to that point. I don’t think I had any subconscious thoughts when I started letting it get big. I just felt I wanted it bigger than life. I wanted it to take on all the things that something big can take on.

Who knew that the bigger it would get the less people would strt paying attent to me and start just looking at my hair? I think I wanted them to just stop looing at me a certain way. I wanted them to ask how I grew that hair. I didn’t want them to inquire on my life situation. I just wanted to stop all attention! I wanted them to love on my hair which even had a name.

I think something inside said it time. It is time to stop hiding. It is time to show your vulnerability. It is time to face all that your life is now and may be for the foreseeable future.  I think my hair was saying I been holding you up for the past few years. I now think it is your time to help yourself up. I know you can do it. I know you have what it takes to stand as a strong proud woman who no longer needs the crush of big beautiful hair.

Away went the sides. Away went the back I now see my crutch on the floor. Away went some of the top also. I can now walk away a free woman. I can hold up my head without feeling like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. Ok, I am not afraid. I got this. I will not turn what was supposed to be a great hair day into a not so great hair day. By golly this is not a bad hair day! I think this will be a great hair day. I am going to have a great hair day.

By George I am free.