Letting you go

I woke up as the sun light caresses my cheeks. I sat down and look at my phone.

'7:35 am April 10th'

I smiled and prepared to leave. I wore the dress my best friend gave me and looked at the mirror to admire myself, I sighed, I tied my hair in a half up bun and put on my necklace.I dusted my dress, took my things and went out." Barrette and necklace double check,bag check,helmet check,phone, keys, wallet, triple check... I think I'm ready to go" I put on my helmet and rode my bike. I smiled as the wind touches my face.I stopped outside a shop and locked my bike.I went inside a flower shop and was mesmerized by the different flowers and how they stand out to each other.

"Good morning Jiji.Going to visit your friend again?"

I smiled and approached her."Good morning to you too Mrs. Smith, it's 'best friend' btw and yes I'm going to visit him. " I looked at the different kinds of flowers that her store has and she looked at me like I'm an intruder.

"How's your grandma? Is she still baking?" she asked while wrapping watering her plants.

" GAHH," I yelled out after feeling something hairy on my legs, startled, I look down "L-lucifer you naughty cat." he just looked at me "Meoowww"

I carried Lucifer and pet it "Nona's ok, I'm pretty sure she's still baking... Sooo"

"Soo?So what?You want the usual?Red roses and mixed colors of tulips?" she said a bit annoyed

" Yep... those are our favourite flowers"

" These are you and your best friends favourite flowers, I know I know." she said overlapping with my voice.

" Wow, you really know me Mrs. Smith,"

" Yeah yeah here are your flowers. " She placed 3 bouquets of flowers on her counter and smiled." B-but Mrs. Smith these are three bouquets," " Don't worry sweetie the last one's on the house." I placed Lucifer down and hugged Mrs. Smith " Merci grand-mère Smith." She chuckled "Somebody's studying their french very well... De rien ma chérie," " That means you're welcome right?" she laughed and patted my back " Close! It means you're welcome sweetie." I took the flowers and was about to leave.

" Oh sweetie before I forget give this to you grandma." she gave me a flower pot with Nona's favourite flowers " Did she ordered any of these?" "No, but she's into gardening right?" I nodded " Hmm she really likes gardening, should I ask her for any baked goods?" I said and chuckled " No need... but if you insist, I really love to try and have some of her rose and cinnamon roll cupcakes." I laughed " Hahaha ok I'll just bring them after I visit her." I looked at my phone I've already been here for an hour. " I gotta go Mrs. Smith, thanks for the flowers," " Sure anytime sweetie,say hello to your grandma for me," " I will." I patted Lucifer and waved good bye to Mrs. Smith.

I rode my bike and smiled, I can still remember me and Jaja messing up at Mrs. Smith's store.That flower shop was the same place where I got my first yet last kiss,I can still feel his soft lips touching against mine.I peddled faster and felt the wind brushing against my hair. I stopped near the riverside where so much memories lingers.I pulled my bike with me while walking,I stopped at a cabin with lots of beautiful and lively flowers, there I saw a woman bending down. "Nona!" I shouted,she then turned around and smiled.I went to her backyard and parked my bike."Jiji" she rushed forward and hugged me."I missed you.You're so thin!Are you not eating well?Come inside let's eat" " I miss you too nona, and am I that thin?" she pulled my hand " Come, I'll cook something for you,what do you want to eat?" " Actually Nona I am a bit famished, I'll eat anything you'll cook you choose what to make up in the kitchen.Where's Grandpappy?" " He went fishing with Mattheo, didn't you see them?" I shook my head." Oh I almost forgot" I gave her the flower pot Mrs. Smith told me to give her. "Mrs. Smith wanted you to have this" " And what cake she wants in return" I chuckled " She said she wanted rose and cinnamon roll cupcakes" " I'll bake them right after I cook lunch" she said and chuckled.

I wanted to help Nona cook but she always refuses to let me help but still her cooking is still and always delicious.I wondered around the house and saw my old room.I saw my teddy bear at my bed."I washed it," a voice said, I looked around and saw Theo leaning on the door."I saw it in the attic and remembered it was your favourite stuffed toy." Our eyes were locked at each others gaze, he then approache me and kissed my hand."You're still so lovely Jiji" I took my hand and move slightly far away from him " Thank you Theo, I think I should go" I stood up and was about to leave but he held my hand "Why don't you want me to court you?"

"I've already told you a million times, I'm not ready with that kind of thing" "Really?" he uttered and scoffed "Or is it maybe because about him?Why don't you want to choose me? I'm the one who's here not him, just go out with me Jia" I removed his hand from me and sat down besides him.I sighed, " I'm sorry Theo, I'm really not in the right state to talk about this now.I don't know if I like you or not and if going out with you is a right decision.But as soon as I've recovered and let go I promise to tell you and who knows you might get a chance or find another girl.But can we just not talk about this right now?" he sighed " I'm sorry,I won't force you anymore, but I'll still be waiting" I kissed his cheeks " Thank you."

It's already 4:15 pm and I bid my good bye to Nona and Grandpappy.I went to a place where my heart was shattered in to pieces.I parked my bike outside and breathe deeply.

I went inside to find my best friend..

I sat beside him and placed the flowers I got from Mrs. Smith's flower shop, next to him.

" Hi Ja! it's nice to see you again!" I said and smiled, I cleared my throat."It's April 10th today soo... Happy Birthday!I went to Mrs. Smiths and got you some flowers! Remember when we used to take flowers then and used them as designs for our paperboats and make them float in the river." I chuckled " My favourite part was when you first kissed me when Mrs. Smith asked us to look after the shop while she was away." I felt butterfly in my stomach just by reminiscing about it." You gave me a red rose then and said that you liked me but you said you changed your mind and said that you don't like me but you loved me, I was crying back then but then you wiped my tears and kissed me." I chuckled nervously " I won't forget that moment" I sighed and watched the sun slowly going down. " Remember when we fell from the tree near Nona's house because the apple from it was so high and the trunk didn't bare both our weights" I laughed and cleared my throat. " Theo's asking me out but I refused.I don't want to hurt his feelings but at the same time I don't want to let you go" Tears began to form on my eyes " Everyone keeps telling me to move on and let go of the past... but" my voice cracked " b-but I can't" I started crying " It's been 2 and a half years but I still can't accept the fact that you're gone because of me.If only I didn't swam in the river that day you wouldn't have died" I covered my face and wept

" It's all my fault"

I broke down..

" I can't let you go.I won't but I need to" my tears flowed one after another like a never ending waterfalls.

" I'll never forget you. All the happiness and memories we have.All the times we cried together."

I wiped my tears.

" I'm sorry I never answered your question. But, yes I.. I love you too and I would love to grow old with you.I don't know if I should get mad or sad that you're the one who left first." I calmed myself down " I'm ready"

I wiped my face and cleared my throat.

"I'm letting you go Jave you will always have a special place in my heart...

I love you"

I rested my head on his tomb and watched the sunset.

I hope you're happy wherever you are.