Fiction Funny Drama

The universe has it out for me. How do I know? Well, I had a rough year last year. I lost my mom to cancer, which was the worst. And I didn’t think things could get any worse, but they did. I lost my job due to a miscommunication, which was my boss (whom was a wicked, mean, little woman) thinking I said something bad about her. Which, I kind of did, but I said it to my good friend, who also worked for the company. So, I also lost a good friend. On the way to a job interview my car broke down, and it cost me not only the new job, but a big chunk of my savings.

So, we are a month into the new year. This year, I am bound and determined that I was having a fantastic year! Today, I have a job interview with a great company with a proven track record, and I was putting out positive vibes that I was getting that job! I bought a new power suit, which made me feel confident. I had gotten my hair trimmed yesterday, so I was having a good hair day. My car was in good health. Things were looking up for me.

I was even in defense mode. While eating my cream cheese bagel and drinking my coffee, I put a towel over myself. One last look in the mirror, and a short pep talk later, I was ready to face the cruel, cruel world. As I walked to the parking lot, a bird flew over and decided to relieve himself inches from my body! Whew! I dodged that bullet. After I cursed out the bird, I arrived safely to my car, and got in. I put on my favorite music station, and I was ready to go.

The company was a short drive from my apartment, so I arrived fifteen minutes before my interview. I walked in a confident stride to the receptionist, gave her my name, and she said “Mr. Gantt is running a few moments late. Would you like something to drink?” I did not want to soil anything, so I declined. My stomach was doing cartwheels with nervousness. I was very well suited for this job. However, I get very nervous about interviews, so I hoped this one would go well. She called my name, and I rose to go in.

On the way in, I hit my funny bone on the door jam, and I believe I yelped. Not a great first impression. He said “have a seat, Miss Davenport. Are you okay?” I looked at him sheepishly, and said that I was. For the next thirty minutes we went over my resume, and talked about what I could bring to the company. And by the way, I hate that question because what do you say. I work very hard, I am always punctual, I don’t gossip. Oh, come on! Why would I say that? Now, he's going to think I’m an awful gossip. Nice going, Sabrina! We ended the interview, shook hands, and he would have someone call when he made his decision.

I walked to my car to discover that the evil bird had decorated my windshield with his droppings. Why does everyone like birds? They are always squawking and watching you with their soulless eyes. I mean, there was even a movie about them attacking humans.

I was nervous about not getting this job. I was running out of funds quickly, and if I didn’t find something soon, I would be forced to move in with my sister, and her three bratty kids. Her husband was a dictator, ordering his family around like a spoiled king. I would snap. I needed a drink. I texted my best friend, Sophie. She was working, but maybe she could meet me after work.

I was sitting at the restaurant bar, waiting for Sophie to arrive when I spotted this very attractive man checking me out. He was being rather bold, winking at me and smiling. Not that I didn’t appreciate the boldness, but I was not a pushover either. I was getting myself psyched up to gently rebuke him, when he got up and walked my way. As he got near, I said “I’m not that kind of girl.” In which he laughed, and replied “the kind of girl for what?” And then I heard a very loud, “hey baby, you’re late!” I quickly realized my mistake, and felt my face get hot, and I said sorry, and he laughed and said “have a good night.”

I saw my friend enter the bar, and she walked over and saw my face and immediately knew something had happened. I told her about my day, and we decided to get martini’s and salad, and de-stress. I told her about my tanking my job interview, and she is forever a glass half full kind of person, and told me it may not have been as bad as I thought. Then I told her about my mistake with the man hitting on me, and we both laughed. She said I needed to put more good energy out into the world, and maybe good things will happen. I explained to her about the universe hating me, and she shook her head. We finished our drinks and dinner, and parted ways.

On the way to my car, I saw a man sitting on the curb in a tattered coat, and I felt bad for him. He must be homeless, I thought. I walked over to give him some cash to brighten his day, at least. Excuse me sir, I said, can I give you some money? I asked. He looked at me funny, and said “why would you do that?” I answered, “I thought you might need some, being homeless and all.” He looked at me like that was the funniest thing he ever heard. “Don’t you remember me? I interviewed you this afternoon. I’m Mr. Gantt.” I felt incredibly stupid at that moment. “I’m so sorry. I saw your jacket looked tattered, and you were on the curb, and I assumed, and I am the most idiotic person you’ve probably ever seen.” He smiled at me, and motioned for me to sit next to him. “My jacket is designed that way, my daughter works in fashion and it’s supposed to be the newest trend. I was sitting on the curb waiting for my wife to bring me an extra key or my car because I locked myself out. So, I have to join your idiot club.” We both laughed, and sat there for about ten minutes for his wife to show up.

She pulled up, walked out of the car shaking her head, and said “we need to keep a key taped to your body somewhere. Who’s your friend?” He replied, “this is Miss. Davenport, our newest employee.” I looked up, stunned. He walked to his car, waved goodbye and said “see you Monday.”

I was so happy I screamed! I called Sophie, and told her what happened, and yelled “I got the job!” She told me she was happy for me, and said “see, maybe the universe doesn’t hate you as much as you thought.” I still have my doubts, but maybe not.

March 07, 2023 20:50

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Mike Rush
14:05 Mar 11, 2023

Debra, I so enjoyed reading this piece. You included so many common and irritating elements. Bird shit on the car or clothing, food stains on clothing. But the best one was hitting the funny bone. What a perfect ploy. I said out loud, "oh man" when I read that. Almost as good was the character thinking another's gesturing is directed toward her. That has happened to me too and it's so embarrassing. I have felt so self-centered when that happened as though I thought everything that happens around me is about me. What a great ending too, wh...


Debra Koffski
19:28 Mar 11, 2023

Thanks for reading and giving feedback. I appreciate it very much. I'm a work in progress 😌


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