ten seconds worth memories

Grandma kaneez laid on her poignant hospital bed with white bed sheets and puffed up pillows. The ventilator beeping gradually with every breath Laila took. The sun rays felt like a pain to the young adult eyes but grandma kaneez’s grey eyes shone like the diamonds. Her wrinkled skin told volumes of her hardships and family life. Laila stepped closer to the bed, as she moved forward a shadow befell on the white tiled floor, the one that makes you hate hospitals. Grandma held her hand forward towards laila’s body.

The moment Laila held it, she remembered the hickory rolling pin in grandma’s hand, the tantalizing aroma of the Kashmiri tea surrounding the tiny body of Laila as she sat on the stool in the kitchen playing with her cloth dolls. Grandma would make the pinkest tea and the sweetest stove baked almond cookies in the grey pans which she bought on sale from the Sunday bazaar.

 Soon Laila was transported to the aunt kulsoom’s wedding. Where she was told to sit in the lap of grandma when the tall photographer told everyone about where to sit. The rose petals stuck on laila’s hair and spread on the floor. Laila crushed the rose petals in her hands and passed her hands to grandma and asked her to smell her tiny palms. Grandma wore lavender silk traditional dress with the scarf pinned on her silver hair and earrings matching with the golden embroidery on the scarf. Laila kept on wanting to run with the kids in the garden but grandma held her tightly with her rings filled hands asking the little idle Laila to look in the camera and that how she would give her the French marshmallows if she stayed still, and now Laila wished if she had hold on to grandma for few more minutes, only few more.

Soon she travelled to the picnic in spring on the beach when she was 8. Grandma kaneez made traditional styled BBQ made after marinating the chicken pieces with the help of grand Indian spices, red and orange particularly. The grandeur of grandma’s food was undeniable, the aroma lingering over the air and travelling to miles calling the hungry birds and cats. Laila ran on the gravel and sand naked feet trying to chase the colorful falling kites with long strings. The cerulean blue sea water gleaming under the spring sun. The cotton candy like clouds playing with sky and the thoughts of rain by the happy dummies.

And how could she forget the Christmas Eve disaster, when Laila accidentally put salt in the egg cake instead of sugar for which everyone was waiting. It was not her fault that sugar and salt looked same like the people around her, you can only tell the difference after you taste them. One blooms flowers on your tongue and the other one spikes. But grandma kaneez took the blame and blamed her weak eyesight, no one could say a word to Laila in front of grandma kaneez or she will cut you in pieces and make her famous BBQ. But at that day Laila realized she could smell salt and sugar to distinguish them. To please the sweet desire of her other grandkids, grandma made mug cakes in the microwaves and those were way better than any expensive chocolate brownie either from France or Switzerland.

Then Laila remembered her 13^th birthday when grandma kaneez bought her the most fetching birthday dress from her needle box. She knit it for weeks and was made of silk and bead tassels. Laila still had it in the back of her white wardrobe along with her college farewell t-shirt with signatures of her favorite teachers.

Laila also remembered her 16^th birthday which they celebrated in the train to the north of Pakistan. The cold froze they lips and nose. But not there hurts, all of the kids jumped up on the second sleeper and made a curve, Laila sitting in the middle. The dim lights of the train made everyone sleepy but all of the sleep rushed away with the smell of the vanilla and pineapple cake with 16 candles. Laila scrunched towards the cake to wish while everyone clapped, it was the best birthday Laila thought, since how many people celebrate their birthdays on a moving train? That day grandma kaneez passed a tiny gift to Laila wrapped in a black and white polka dot gift bag which had the laila’s first ever make up palette with 8 eye shadows.

On laila’s 19^th birthday grandma kaneez send her birthday card with sunflowers on it, Laila couldn’t celebrate since she had exams. She was stressed out with the load of syllabus but was able to smile after seeing the sunflowers which came along the card. Grandma kaneez wrote how sunflowers reminded her of Laila. How she was the sun and Laila the flowers following her direction brilliantly.

After securing 2^nd position in her final year exams, Laila was given the beaming opportunity to travel to France for a month, Laila was over the moon, she wrote 100s of letters to her grandma explaining the tiniest detail of the Paris and the streets in Paris. She sent the most gorgeous post cards and asked her to glance at the moon at the same time as she would do.

These were laila’s favorite memories, which she had in a tiny glass box inside her head because people can break the heart but not her head. In 10 seconds Laila wished to live once again all of these 5 memories which she vaguely remembered, trying hard not to forget them. Laila was brought back to present as the nurses and doctor pushed her back, the ventilator beeping like crazy. The lifeless hand of grandma kaneez fell quietly under the metal rods of the cot. Laila sat down by the floor shrieking with pain in her heart, calling her grandma back to life. Covering her ears since the noise of the ventilator was hammering millions of nails in her body and now she could hear the people on the roads counting down for the new year. Laila thought a lot about what to do on the new year night but not doing this.