Point Change

     I keep seeing it, monotonously, but not monotonously.   I can and can’t explain.  Both, neither, like yes and no and maybe at the same time.   Shrinks thinks it’s different things.   One says Alzheimer’s/Dementia, another says PTSD, the third says insomnia, and I got Rxes from all of them and now I’m more confused.  Just don’t send me back to the Looney Bin.  There were only two things good about that place:  1).  They had a bath (everyone fought over who got to have it each night) and 2).  None of the women are allowed to wear bras, even sports bras.   Everything else sucked.   So, since we’ve already established a means of organizing, let’s or maybe it’s I’m? going to tell you what happened.  “Just the facts, Ma’am/sir”.

1. My dog was/is dancing by the door to go outside.  And I don’t mean the waltz.   So, I get the leash, hook the leash to the collar, get on my socks and shoes, and we walk out.   After smelling a tree, they mark it.   They’re the only one who ever marks this tree, but whatever.   We keep walking, and they poop.   I get the blue bag from my right pocket, scoop it up, and carry it back home while the dog digs in the dirt and grass. As usual.  Then, they stop, perk their ears and I pull on the leash.   “Come on, you did good.  Let’s go home, do your tricks, get your treat, and get on with our day,” I said.  Then, they pulls hard on their leash, I lose my grip on their leash, and I’m off chasing my dog.   Dogs have better hearing than humans.  They probably heard something.   I’m two yards from my dog and they stop again, ears perk, but I get the leash back.  This time, I wrap the leash around my arm.   Then, they start running back home, but before I turn around, I see a purple dot in the sky.  Like the gods let a grain of crack in the sky and it turned purple.   Then, it started crescendoing.   The dumb mutt continues to pull and pulls their neck out of their collar.  Great.  Here we go dog racing again.  But they stop, I pick them up, and we both stare at the sky.   The dog’s shivering and it’s warm outside.  The light starts making sound like lightning creates thunder.   It’s powerful, but ugly like an orchestra with untrained magicians.   Maybe this is an alien attack.  The idiots at NASA and The Weather Channel missed this?   Don’t know.  If I could convince this dumb dog to go back home and get a treat, maybe I could turn on the TV and find out what’s happening.  I walk backwards so I can see if the sky does anything else.  We know our way home.  The clouds start dropping like a helium balloon after three days.  Not a tornado or typhoon.   But, we get to the front door, I turn around and unlock it, they beg, sit, paw, roll-over, and fill out my W-2, I get the remote, push power, and nothing happens.   Battery’s probably dead.   I talk to “Alexa” and tell her to turn on the TV, “Alexa” doesn’t respond.   So, I go to push the on/off button on the TV, but nothing happens.   I turn on the light switch and nothing happens.  Got it.   The electricity’s out.  That’s what the lights in the sky were.  Electricians fixing broken power lines.  So much for aliens.  So, I get out my cellphone to call 311 to find out when the lights’ll come back, but the cellphone has foreign writing.  German, Greek, Arabic, Russian, Chinese, can’t make heads or tails of it.   And no, I’m not under the influence of alcohol or drugs.  Asshole.  
2. What the hell, backwards Time Warp, like from RHPS.   But, it’s different.   Everything feels different.   I’m crawling, but my knees aren’t bent.  Feels like I have to piss and shit, so I crawl to the bathroom, but the house metamorphosed into a huge house, like I’m a dwarf.   I see myself in the mirror on the way to the Jon.  Wait a minute, there’s no mirror in my dinette.   I gotta go.   I get there, but the door knob’s too high.  Wait, I go back to the kitchen and I’m looking in the fridge.  It ain’t a reflection.   Wait, if I’m not me, who am I?   I try looking at myself.  I have dark black fur . . . Fuck, I’m the damn dumb dog.   Shit!!  So, I go to the door and do the pee dance, and the master, that’s me, gets the leash and clips it on me.  At least I’ll feel better after I use the Jon.   I/He gets his socks and shoes on, and we go outside.   I smell the tree.  I don’t care, but I don’t want to freak him/me out, and I/we mark our territory.   And I walk more and shit on the grass.  Then, this psychic intuition thing goes through me and I know I need to run towards it and I do, with all my strength.   Fight or flight and I’m going to fight.   Then, this purple dot comes from the sky and my intuition thing tells me to stop, then the flight thing happens in my body and purple explodes in the sky and flight kicks in and I try to run home, but he picks me up and walks backwards to protect me from purple. I’m still shaking from fear.  We get home, he turns around, unlocks the door, I do my tricks, get a treat, and my master/I start screwing around with the remote.  Oh, boy.  I love watching TV with him.   But, it doesn’t turn on.  He asks Alexa to, too, but nothing happens.  He even goes to switch the TV on, but nothing happens.  Then, he takes out his cellphone, but I don’t know what the cellphone’s saying. 
3. Hey, let’s fuck with those Fuckers on this screwy planet.  Remember when we landed at Area 51?   They’re still not sure what the fuck happened.   So, we’re moving the Aurora Borialis to Boise, Idaho and adding music from the 16th Century.   Add vibrations to fuck with the animals and trees.   We’re drunk on nitroglycerin, the vasodilator, not the explosive, and look at those idiots freaking out.  Gotta make sure I record this so I can show my friends.  Stream this through our parallel universe. On Hed’s Finn Videos. Think “America’s Funniest Home Videos in outer space. And dumb animals, plants, humans, and minerals will be fine.