Complications

Complications

Gary S. Crawford

A bulb in the hallway ceiling light has burned out. It did seem a little gloomy in there with only one of two bulbs lit. Easy enough to fix, I think. So I head off to the dining room for a chair and to the pantry for a new light bulb.

The glass globe is removed after the hard-to-turn thumb screws finally give up, requiring finding a pair of pliers to get them to cooperate. Then the bad bulb is unscrewed. The light fixture is a little loose, so after getting down and having to find a screwdriver, I get back up on the chair and the screw in the middle of the fixture is tightened. It keeps turning and won’t tighten, and the whole fixture now wants to come down from the ceiling. I get down from the chair, watching for the fixture to suddenly fall, but the wires hold it up there. I put the chair away and go to get the six-foot step ladder. And a trip to the cellar to turn off the breaker. Now to see what’s going on here.

The wire nuts are removed, the wires separated, and the fixture comes down. The junction box in the ceiling that the fixture attaches to is loose. I wiggle the box, only to find the joist it’s fastened to is rotted. A rotted beam in a dry attic? Off I go to the attic to investigate.

The area in question is under the floorboards, so a few pieces of flooring have to be removed so I’m off to the cellar to find a claw hammer. Now let’s see what’s wrong.

Yes, it sure is rotted. The wood itself is wet. How can it be wet? Nothing else around it is wet. A little more investigation finds a tiny river running across the foil backing of the insulation right to where the light fixture is. Now to find where that water coming from.

After removing a few more floorboards, I gain access to where the attic and roof meet. There’s a hole here somewhere that’s letting water in. I find the culprit, a small opening almost to the edge of the roof. Now I go outside to see what’s going on.

I drag the extension ladder out of the shed and set it up, snaking through the tangled branches of the tree next to the house. There’s a spot where a branch has rubbed against the roof and it wore a hole into the shingles and the plywood beneath. So I go back to the shed for a bow saw and I climb back up the ladder, and the offending tree parts are cut away. And then down to the cellar to look for the can of roof cement and a spare shingle to cover up the hole.

Now that that’s done, the hunt is on for a piece of 2 x 8 to replace the rotted piece in the attic. Out of all the scraps of lumber I’ve saved, there are no 2 x 8s in the household inventory, so I drive off to the lumberyard. Maybe four feet of lumber is needed, but the minimum they sell is an eight footer.

I arrive back home and go upstairs to measure just how long the 2 x 8 has to be. Then downstairs and outside to cut the board, after finding and setting up the saw horses, dragging out an extension cord, and the circular saw. Naturally, things I need are never where I left them. Then I go back upstairs to set the new board.

I forget to take a saw upstairs to cut out the bad piece, back down to the cellar for a handsaw I go. The electric saw won’t fit in the cramped space, so good old manual sawing will be required. But the handsaw is too long, so I’m back in the cellar looking for a short saw. The short saw is AWOL, and the only other candidate for the job is a hacksaw, with its tiny metal-cutting teeth. It will be like cutting lumber with a nail file.

Over an hour later, I cut the bad piece out and put the new piece in place, after I forget to bring along a hammer and nails, requiring yet another trip to the cellar.

I fasten the junction box in place and the floorboards are nailed down. The tools are gathered from the attic and brought back to the cellar. I head back to the hallway and reconnect the wires and hang the light fixture back on the ceiling. A new bulb is screwed into the socket of the burned out old bulb that started this adventure. The globe is replaced, the stubborn thumb screws holding the globe are turned in, the ladder is taken down, and the power restored to the hallway, after I take another trip to the cellar and the breaker box.

I flip the wall switch in the hall, and after all this extra work, the other bulb in the fixture has burned out.

Electrical, carpentry. flooring, tree trimming, roofing, and tool go-fer.

And all I wanted to do was replace a damned burned-out light bulb.

Have you ever wondered why those house repair and flip-it shows on TV always seem to feature someone wielding a sledge hammer? Some simple project was on tap that turned into what some people call "the mushroom factor", where seemingly easy projects mushroom all out of proportion.

Having once worked counter sales at a lumber yard and hardware store, I can feel for those weekend warriors who came into the store with sad hollow eyes looking for a way to handle what started out as a simple project, most often a "honey-do" endeavour they would rather a professional handled.

Join me today, won't you? At our favorite watering hole to discuss our shared experiences in the ways of home maintenance. The first round is on me.

I wish you well, my friend.