Ronald Grump

Jay-Bob Jenkins was a petty farmer in rural Kansas just barely getting by. One night, he turned on TV, and on the evening news, he saw that billionaire Ronald Grump was making a big announcement at grump tower.

"I'M RONALD GRUMP, and I'm RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!!!!" Ronald declared.

Jay-Bob Jenkins loved watching Ronald Grumps' reality show, 'The Disciple', and thought that Grump was a self-made man with a strong work ethic. (Even though Ronald inherited everything from his rich parents.)

Jay-Bob thought that Ronald Grump could be a trustworthy president because he ran a charity called the Grump Foundation.

Ronald Grump declared on the TV "I'm not going to let the big corporations or banks fund my election campaign, because I'm the Anti-Special-Interest candidate! That's why I need Donations from my loyal supporters to help me get elected president! If you donate, I promise a Tax Break, stimulus payments, and financial assistance for farms and small businesses! Just call this toll-free phone number or go to Grump Foundation dot org!"

The next day, Jay-Bob Jenkins called the toll-free number, and made a donation after giving the woman on the other line after giving her his credit card information. A few months had passed, and once election day was just around the corner, Jay-Bob Jenkins went to the polling station at the community center in the small town in Kansas he lived in and voted for Ronald Grump. Jay-Bob had watched the election coverage on the news every evening since then until the big day: Election day.

Jay-Bob Jenkins watched the results of the vote counts, and when it was made official that billionaire Ronald Grump was the President Elect, Jay-Bob hooted and hollered, excited because he would be getting a Tax break, stimulus payments, and financial assistance for his small farm in Kansas. Jay-Bob was hoping to buy a new truck, a new riding harvester, and a cheese-making machine and a walk-in refrigerator.

Jay-Bob watched the presidential inauguration of Ronald Grump on the Television, and he was antsy to start getting a Tax Break and government benefits for his farm. A few months later, on Tax Day, Jay-Bob Jenkins had been informed that instead of having to pay LESS taxes than he did last year, he would have to pay MORE taxes than he paid last year. After paying his taxes, he had enough to cover farming expenses, bills, and for gas, but NOT enough left that he could eat without food stamps, so he applied for food stamps for groceries, but was denied for not being poor enough.

Later that night, Jay-Bob watched the news on TV, and the news was reporting that Ronald Grumps' campaign went back on it's promise and received campaign donations from corporations.

Desperate, Jay-Bob lived off of his own produce and farm goods to eat, even though he knew it would cut into his future profit margins. Meanwhile, Jay-Bob waited and waited and waited on his farm assistance checks for over a year.

In the summer of the following year, Jay-Bob was watching the news when an alert came on the TV for an incoming tornado headed towards his town. Jay-Bob grabbed his weather radio and headed to the storm cellar to wait out the storm. A few hours later, Jay-Bob Jenkins opened the door to the storm cellar and walked out, only to see that his fields, his barn, his farmhouse, in fact, everything, was just plain gone. All of the animals had been killed by debris. The Tornado took everything but his truck, inexplicably.

The next day or so, after the town cleaned up all the damage from the tornado, Jay-Bob Jenkins called FEMA, and the Department of Agriculture, asking for assistance, only for both FEMA and the Department of Agriculture to tell him "Sorry, but due to funding cuts, we have nothing available to help you."

At the bar, Jay-Bob Jenkins drank a beer and saw on the news on the bar's TV that President Grump's company, Grump industries had announced "Record Profits". Jay-Bob was frustrated, the President was the richest that he'd ever been while he-a hardworking farmer-had lost everything. Jay-Bob ended up moving in with his brother and nephew and niece and get a job at Burger Bunker.

Every day, Jay-Bob would wait on a check in the mail from the government, with no assistance with which to rebuild his farm to show for it. Once the Presidential Election rolled around again, Ronald Grump advertised his campaign for re-election.

"Look, I promised less taxes and more financial assistance three and a half years ago, but that fell through, but if you vote to re-elect me, I promise they WON'T fall through this time! I just need more donations!" President Grump declared.

Jay-Bob was not as sure that Grump would keep his promises this time, but sent a donation out of desperation, even if it meant not eating for a week.

Once Election day rolled around again, Jay Bob Jenkins voted for Ronald Grump again.

Later that night, the other candidate was announced the President-Elect. Jay-Bob was very disappointed that he wasn't going to get less taxes and more financial assistance until Ronald Grump used Executive Action to Execute a law prohibiting farms and small businesses from getting government assistance in any way, shape or form ever again. Jay-Bob had never felt so betrayed by the commander-in-chief. 

On the TV, Jay-Bob Jenkins saw a news bulletin declaring that the Grump Organization had been charged with charity fraud. Grump was using the donations as his own corporate slush fund. Jay-Bob was furious that the man who promised to use Jay-Bob's money to make Jay-Bob's life better turned around to buy a third mansion and executive jet for himself.

The new guy issued an Executive Action reversing the Executive Action by the previous president that banned aid for farms and small businesses, and Jay-Bob got the assistance from the Government to rebuild his farm. But the emotional damage had already been done. Jay-Bob Jenkins never wanted anything to do with Ronald Grump again.

Jay-Bob decided to write an opinion piece in his local paper, it read:

"I'm a Farmer who voted for Ronald Grump, hoping to get farming assistance and tax cuts, and instead of farming assistance and tax cuts, I got tax hikes and no assistance, and when my farm was destroyed by a Tornado, President Grump left me to fend for myself. Don't make the same mistake I made in believing that Grump has our best interests at heart. Don't let yourself be scammed like I did."

Author's note: Screw Rump! I don't care if I lose followers for saying that!