ride to Jail

“Peter. I’m going to ask you to take your hands out of your pockets and lift them above your head. We just want to see that you are unarmed. Can you do that Peter?”

“Yes.” Peter raised his arms and hands out of his pockets and above his head.

“Good.” Officer Blankenship made out. “Now we need you. My partner Jens and I need you to take a ride with us. We’re going to take you down to corrections to get you booked. We have to arrest you son. For shoplifting at this Walgreens.”

Peter lowered his hands in front of his body and raised his palms to indicate a stop sign. “Whoa” Peter stated. “I can pay for the Diet Coke; I have money in my apartment. I can’t go back to corrections.”

“It’s too late now son. You did the deed, and now we have to take you in. Sorry buddy. It’s the law.”

Peter stumbled with his words “I, I, me, no, how, why? I didn’t. Tried to…. I didn’t.

“You took the diet coke off the shelf and left the shop while drinking it in your hand. The cashier here said you flipped him the bird as you drank it leaving the shop, and then after drinking it you threw the empty can at that door.” The officer pointed at the entrance door to the Walgreens. “And then yelled ‘capitalist pig’ at the cashier.” They were standing on the outskirts of the parking lot were Peter had remained after stealing and chugging the diet coke. He hadn’t seen the Walgreens cashier Cal call the cops and was totally unprepared as they pulled up. He was singing the star spangled banner and had taken his shirt off and wrapped it around his head.

Peter mumbled: “Go fuck a banana.”

Jens made a move on Peter, stepping up to him and then grabbing his arms and forcing them together behind his back as he put his cuffs on him. “You’re under arrest.” Jens stated. Tod Blankenship motioned Jens forward to the squad car which was in front of them. Jens pushed Peter forward and they walked together towards the squad car.

As Jens and Blankenship entered the car themselves, with Peter in the back they heard a whimper from Peter. “I love her.”

Jens looked over at his partner Tod who had taken the wheel. “He loves her.” Jens jested. “Loves got nothing to do with it.” Tod stated. “You stole something. Now you’re under arrest. Nothing to love about that.”

“No. I love Julia. She’s my queen. And she’s marrying John Steinbeck. They’re not meant to be together. We’ve known each other since Kindergarten. We used to be best friends and we’d go over to each other’s houses and build forts and play with stuffed animals. She had a care bear that she called honey and she gave it to me, and we promised each other that we’d get married.

“Yeah? Sounds serious.” Jens suggested….. Sounding a little sarcastic.

“A care bear huh?” Tod Blankenship added. “Won’t be any of those is corrections.”

“The wedding is this Saturday, and I have to stop it.

“Is that why you stole the diet coke?” Jens asked.

“No. I stole the diet coke because I needed the caffeine and the rush of adrenaline from stealing something. It helps me concentrate and right now I need to do that because I need to call Julia and convince her not to marry John Steinbeck.”

“You’re not calling anyone buddy. You’re going to jail. You should have found a different way to conjure up some adrenaline that isn’t illegal. Ride a bike, go for a jog, do some push ups. I can think of a few.” Tod added.

Jens chimed in again: “is that why you pulled the whole shirt off wrapped around your head singing the star spangled banner? Adrenaline?”

“Yeah, pretty much!”

“You gotta learn some better coping skills my friend.” Jens added.

“Look. Odds are you’ll only spend a night or two in Jail, and then you’ll get assessed at the hospital in psych and they’ll hook you up with some meds and an outpatient psychologist. You’ll be right as rain and you’ll be able to ride off into the sunset with Julia.”

“No, that will take a couple days and the weddings in three. I need to call her now. Take these cuffs off me.”

“Sorry buddy.” Jens mused. Blankenship shifted uneasily in his seat…. “Are you on any medications now buddy?”

“No.”

“Be honest.”

“Okay. Lithium and Celexa. Twice a day on the lithium.”

“Good. That’s good. Now we can talk about those cuffs since you’ve been honest. We’ll let you make a call before we book you.

“We will?” Jens queried.

“Yes, we will. Turns out I’m a helpless romantic with a soft side for true love and today I’m feeling benevolent.”

“Please.” Peter echoed.

“Are you sure?” Jens exclaimed. “I’m not so sure about that after that banana comment. That wasn’t so romantic now was it?”

“True.” Blankenship added.

“Wait. I can apologize. I mean, I do apologize. Deeply.”

“Hmmmm. Here I’ll tell you what. If you can convince us in these next five minutes before we pull into corrections that you are what you say you are….. A good man with a heavy heart and a love for this Julia chick than we will remove those cuffs and let you use your phone. But you have to be convincing. Here’s your opportunity to prove to us that you are right for her. Give us all you got. Pour out your emotions. Why should we let you call her?”

“Okay. Okay….Okay…. Here, let me tell it to you straight. Every year since we were together in Kindergarten we’ve been helplessly in love until two years ago when she went off to art school and met John. We drifted away a bit then but we still love each other. We just need to be reminded. She needs to be reminded……. Every year on the fourth of July we go sailing together in the Willamette. We love turtles and she has a turtle that we used to feed together and take to the park to exercise. She used to be big fan of the Teenage mutant ninja turtles and every year we would dress up as them for Halloween. Something about the way turtles are so slow and steady and recede back into their shell when they are afraid….So reserved but also so strong and graceful in the water. They’re brilliant. She’s brilliant…….

“Turtles….Really man? I’m not buying this story.” Jens chimed in.

“No…. it’s not just turtles that she’s in love with that makes her so perfect and unique, but it’s her love of everything aquatic. She has an aquarium with fish. She plans on getting a scuba diving license so she can explore the ocean and the marine life. And when she’s not exploring the ocean she’s painting it. That’s why she went to arts school. But she needs to be reminded that her love for the ocean was something that we shared. I love it too. And I love her. And we used to go sailing. Like I said initially. On the Willamette. And I need her. We went to Prom in high school and then college came along and she made a difference with her art and won a scholarship to art school…..”

“And you?” Blankenship offered. “What did you do after high school?”

“Me. I don’t matter…”

“Yes your story matters. Jens exclaimed. How do we know you’re good enough for her if she’s this brilliant artist and you’re some slum who steals diet cokes from Walgreens? You said you can’t go back to corrections? So you’ve been before…… I don’t know man. Sounds like you’re not in her league anymore. Why were you booked the first time?”

“I got arrested for protesting the new meatpacking plant in Plainville. It’s devastating to the surrounding ecosystem and causing massive pollution. She was there at the protest with me. I got arrested because I threw a sign at a meat packer. We both love the environment. But she doesn’t love violence so that act caused us to drift further. And we will drift further if I go back to Jail.”

“Okay so what were you doing while she was at arts school? With your life?” Tod pushed.

“I was writing. I want to be a poet.”

“So nothing.” Jens mused.

“No. I got published in a literary magazine last month. The Puget Sound Gazette. I wrote about sea turtles and Julia loved it. That’s why we have to be together. If John hadn’t proposed to her we would be together. I just need to convince her.”

“How do you make money buddy? What do you do to pay the bills?” Jens chimed in.

“I pump gas at BP.”

“Oh some environmentalist huh? Doesn’t sound like you can cut the mustard either?” Jens added again. A job pumping gas. No Steve Jobs I see.

“Please. I’ve poured me heart and soul into loving her, and I need her to see that with a phone call.”

“We need to see that.” Blankenship added. “You’ve got like two minutes left before we pull up to the Jail.

“Okay. Look. She’s everything to me. We used to have gym class together and we’d boycott the assignments and just go over to the science lab where the snakes and reptiles were and feed them ourselves. She had a pet Iguana one summer that she names Peter, after me….. She named her pet Iguana after me….See? She loves me. She just has to remember the good days….”

“A pet Iguana huh?” Blankenship offered. “You think we ought to let him make that phone call before we book him.”

“You know there’s a phone in jail right?” Jens exclaimed.

“I can’t call her from Jail. She’ll know somethings up.”

“What’d you say partner?” Blankenship mused. “I say we better let him call his true love, after that emotional out pour.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Blankenship exclaimed. “He sounds like he needs her and she needs him. In the name of love.”

“In the name of LOVE.” Peter interrupted the two.

“Okay.” Blankenship pulled the squad car over.

“Yes. Really?”

“Only under one condition. You have to tell her you got arrested.”

“No.”

“Yes.” Blankenship retorted.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes. Just take these cuffs off me.”

“Okay Romeo. I’ll take these cuffs off you.” Blankenship exclaimed.

Blankenship opened the squad car door and Peter stood up and got out, and Blankenship undid the handcuffs. “So…..Make the call…..” Blankenship commanded. Peter hesitated. Then reached for the phone and that’s when Jens slapped it out of his hand. “Psych. You’re too slow bitch. Now you’re going to jail without a phone call!” Peter stood in shock and watched the phone crash to the pavement as Jen’s put a new set off cuffs on him.

“What!!! No!!” Peter called out, and looked at officer Blankenship. “You said I could call her.”

“Unfortunately my partner doesn’t agree. Next time I’d watch it with the Banana comment.” Peter dropped to his knees and Jens laughed. “Looks like the only banana anyone will be fucking is in jail, and it’s where you’re headed bitch. Now march.” Blankenship rolled his eyes and watched as his partner pushed him back into the squad car.

“No…. She gave me her care bear…..Honey…. She loves me. She needs me.” Peter cried out.

“It’s too late to apologize….. It’s too late….” Jens sung. And that’s when it hit Peter….. His love would marry another man, and he would spend the rest of his life wondering what things would have been like. His much emotionally charged out pour in the back of the squad car could not stop that.”