I hate stars

Stars aren’t beautiful.

Why were the stars called beautiful? Why did people find it fun to go stargazing? There’s nothing to gaze upon. 

Chloe lay down on a small hill in a parc near her dorm. It was calmer outside. Kim, her roommate had invited friends and they brought beers to enjoy playing adults.

Chloe was used to this, of course. Their parents were close friends, so naturally, they’d be too, but unfortunately, they drifted apart ever since middle school. One wanted to grow faster, while the other would have loved to turn back time.

“Hey!” Chloe sat up with a smile, recognizing the voice.

“Aileen, you’re late,” she said taking out her phone to check the time, “Six minutes late,”

“Sorry, I had to make sure Jamie was asleep,” the red-haired girl explained, sitting down next to Chloe.

Aileen, a smart girl with great potential, the only downside of her life was her parents. They were heavy alcoholics, that’s what she told Chloe. A sad story to be the protagonist in. 

She would have run away if it weren’t for Jamie, her younger brother, who didn’t understand the gravity of the situation.

Aileen and Chloe took many classes together and have bonded over being loners in large friend groups. They met up almost every night during the weekend on this hill and talk about what’s been happening.

“So, how are you?” Aileen asked, running her hand through her hair and catching her breath. 

A simple question with millions of answers.

“I was just thinking about how ugly stars are,” Chloe answered pointing at the sky. Her dorm was pretty far from the city, but not far enough. The light pollutions still affected the brightness of the stars. Not that, Chloe cared, she’s never liked stars anyway.

“That, I already knew,” Aileen laughed, punching Chloe’s arm playfully, “Tell me something I don’t know yet,”

“Um, let’s see did I tell you about that time Kim broke her leg because she wanted a boyfriend?”

“Yep, she got rejected at the end cause the guy found a prettier girl,” Aileen said in a matter-of-fact voice.

“He ended up in jail for domestic violence charges,” Chloe added while she took out the snacks she brought.

“You left that part out last time,” Aileen stated.

“I just found out recently, Kim was still in touch with him for some reason,”

That day was a weird one. Kim had just showered and was getting dressed with her phone in her hand. She’d just bought a new phone case that suited her favourite dress. 

She sat down next to Chloe’s desk and showed her a mugshot of that guy. 

He wasn’t smiling like he always did. He had a beard and his face looked swollen. His eyes lost any trace of interest and they looked empty.

“He’s in jail for domestic violence,” Kim said nonchalantly. She didn’t seem to care, but her body said otherwise. 

Chloe remembered thinking about the reasons why someone like Kim would feel sorry for that guy.

Probably after not getting the answer she wanted from Chloe, Kim just shook her head, said it was nothing and left. 

“Crazy to think that girls fought to be with him,” Aileen commented with a shrug not understanding why girls would fight for a guy.

Aileen was always a firm believer in girl power. Ever since Chloe met her, Aileen was never keen to date, she said it was the same thing as having her life 'revolving around a guy' as she put it.

“I always had a bad feeling about him. Kim didn’t listen,” Chloe shrugged, taking a piece of the apple pie and handing the rest to Aileen.

“Thanks,” she said taking a piece and handing back the remainder, “How things change in a matter of years,”

Yeah, how crazy. It doesn’t even have to be years, it can be minutes or even seconds. Your whole life could be ruined by one little simple mistake. Celebrities are prime examples, having their every move being watched by millions of strangers. One slip, one lie, one mistake and BAM, end of your career, end of your glory, end of your reputation. 

“Well, you know, Chloe, you always talk about Kim and her mishaps. I really want to hear about your life,” Aileen declared after swallowing her pie, “You know, maybe small things like why you hate stars?”

Chloe looked down at her slightly shaky hands. She took a deep breath and clenched her fists. That's the first time someone asked her this question which indirectly linked to her miserable early childhood.

Small thing? Hating stars took up almost half of the reason she was who she is today. She could hardly call it a ‘small thing’. 

But, Aileen was always there for her. She would always know how to comfort her after something bad happened. She did deserve to know why this simple information had shattered Chloe’s whole world.

“My mother...you know I had a mother, right?” Chloe started before a wave of nausea hit her and doubt clouded her mind. It’s not even that big of a deal. It’s a dumb reason to hate stars. But if it were really no big deal...why does it affect her so much?

“You don’t have to tell me, Chloe,” Aileen smiled and put her hand on Chloe’s shoulder. She’s a great friend, she should know. That’s what friends do. Tell each other secrets. Is that not true? 

“My birth mother was obsessed with stars. She lost her mind over it. She would buy every book with even the tiniest mention of stars. She would only eat or cook things that looked like stars. She loved them. She wanted one. She eventually got scammed and lost all her money and then she committed suicide. No one tried helping her, because it was so unusual in that small town. She was just cast aside as a witch,” Chloe said in one breath before covering her face with her hands.

There, she did it. She told someone. Is it worth it? Does she believe it? What’s she going to say? Will their friendship be different? Did Chloe ruin it?

Aileen didn’t say anything but just hugged Chloe. It was quite awkward since they were both sitting. Aileen had to twist around so Chloe could bury her face in her friend’s shoulder.

Aileen let go after a few more seconds and they both lay down in silence.

Chloe had time to clear her head of all the things she didn’t want to think about. Her mother, her difficulties, her early childhood. It was harder to do than other times since Chloe was still stressing over what Aileen was thinking of her.

“I didn’t expect that kind of answer. To be fair, I thought it was just going to be some dumb reason. I’m sorry to hear about it,” Aileen said after a silence that felt like an eternity.

Chloe wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Aileen did not seem to think Chloe had gone crazy or anything like that. It was a bit relieving to know that Aileen was someone Chloe could trust.

“You know you could also look at the stars in another kind of perspective. It might be insensitive of me, but it looked like you needed to relax. So maybe you could look at them the way I do,” 

“Um?” Chloe turned to look at Aileen, who had her arm raised as if to wave at the barely visible stars. 

“I like stars cause I think of them as minions for the goddess Artemis. I respect that goddess a lot. She’s well known for being the goddess of hunting but I like her for being the protector of young girls like us. It’s like someone really does help you get through your life. It’s nice to be helped in times of need. It’s cool having an invisible, super-powerful protector. Don’t you think?” 

Aileen explained lowering her arm and continue to gaze up at the bright orbs of light from far away.

“Isn’t Artemis the goddess of the moon, not stars?” 

“Why did you have to bring that up?” Aileen turned to Chloe with her eyebrows raised and a slight smirk at the corner of her lips. That meant that Chloe was right. She had learned to read Aileen’s expressions rather than her voice tone. Aileen’s expressions were more of a giveaway to her real intentions. The things you learn when you spend to much time with someone.

“Also...Chloe, what made you tell me?”

What made Chloe do what she did? Why did she tell Aileen something that she’s never told anyone else about? Why? What made Aileen different from Kim or anyone else?

Aileen was her friend. Aileen was always there for Chloe and Chloe tried to do the same. Everyone deserves someone who looked after them, right? Humans aren’t meant to live alone. Humans are sociable animals. They live in societies. They need each other. 

Aileen was her friend. She trusted Aileen with this information because Chloe knew her friend wouldn’t use this against her.

“I trust you,” Chloe said after carefully deciding her words. As the words left her mouth she knew she had said what she wanted to say. This was how she felt towards Aileen. Trust. 

“I’m happy you can trust me,” Aileen laughed before adding quickly, “Oh, if you didn’t know, I trust you just as much,”

“Thank you,” Chloe smiled. This felt good. It felt good to be able to trust someone, to be able to talk to someone without facing too much judgment. 

The rest of the night they talked about less depressing stuff and looked at the stars. For once, Chloe seemed to relax a bit while looking at the night sky. It reminded her less of her mother. It reminded her more of Aileen now. 

A sweet, generous, sarcastic, hard-working and trustworthy person. No, friend.

Maybe the stars aren’t so ugly?

Maybe it’s just the thoughts that Chloe associated to them that made them so despicable?

Maybe the stars can be quite beautiful?